Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

This is such a nonsense argument though. Nobody HAS to eat meat at every meal. Meat eaters are perfectly capable of eating and even enjoying a vegan meal.

Eating vegetables does not conflict with any ethical or other concerns a meat-eater might have. The vegan hosts are providing food their guests can eat and that don’t cause them any moral dilemma.

It is absolutely ok, you're right. If these people can't go for a meal without it involving a slaughtered animal then that says a lot about them. It will be your aunt, uncle and cousin causing the issue, not you.

I'm hosting a wake soon, the food will be vegan as I'm preparing it, it's at my house and I am vegan. If people think their wants are more important then they are more than welcome not to attend.

This is your big day and this is important to you. Do what you want to do. Have a lovely day!

And I the only one who would love to know the name of the vegan restaurant so I can google?!! 😄 I’m a full on carnivore most of the time but love a well made vegan meal and would be very excited to try as a guest .

They're arseholes. Be glad you're not paying for them to push perfectly good food around their plates and whinge about it, which they would. Have a lovely day 💖

Yes, this. I'm intrigued; do you honestly have meat and/or dairy every time you eat something?

They may eat it they may not, they may enjoy it, they may not.

Ultimately, everyone has the right to turn down a meal if they want to.

It is very short sighted of your guest and it is disappointing they won't give it a try for your sake. I do think vegans expect meat eaters to accommodate them so do wonder if there should be vice versa etiquette but equally your day your choice.

I find fussy eaters so pathetic, honestly

You are a grown-up, can't you just eat food?

Some you might like, some you don't, so what? you are a GUEST, at least try something new, or suck it up. It's laughable to be so precious.

Nothing at all?
You don't eat bread, pasta, potatoes, vegetables or fruit?

But I would add that it is restrictive to not cater for non vegans in the first place.

Unless allergies or food intolerances are involved, how is it restrictive @Monty34 ? I think you will find that most places don't cater sufficiently for vegans and vegetarians and they are usually the diners who face restrictions more often than not

Wait for them to raise it. Tilt your head in a confused manner and sweetly say "oh that's a shame. We were really looking forward to celebrating with you and treating you to a meal at a restaurant we love.

I wouldn't even say that. I would just say "thank you for letting me know"

But if someone wanted to serve me vegan cheese or fake meat followed by a pudding made with oils or upf, I’d rather pass

Most vegan restaurants worth their salt wouldn't serve this kind of food. It is lazy.

I’d still go but I’d probably be moaning about it.

Are you always this narrow minded about food @brunettemic ?

Due to being allergic to cows milk I’ve tried vegan meals in restaurants and they’ve not been good. I end up regretting trying them. I wouldn’t go to a wedding with a vegan menu.

A vegan menu in a vegan restaurant is going to be far more tasty than the token vegan meal in a restaurant that mainly focuses on meat @ThisHazelPombear

I think a lot of people on here going on about fake meats and cheeses and UPFs have never eaten in a vegan restaurant. They tend to have none of these.

It's pure ignorance

I have never eaten a Vegan meal that didn't taste of cardboard.

You have eaten in the wrong places then. I take it you don't eat Indian food?

It's a double standard of epic proportions.

No it isn't. Don't be so petulant @Blondiebeachbabe

Goodness! There are some picky and ignorant posters on here.

Also, how would you feel Op, if you went to a wedding and the only options were chicken and beef?

at the risk of being the 94th person to say this: Lots. Lots and lots. it is tedious.

We're having a plant based dinner for our wedding, there are about 180 guests invited with a mix of dietary requirements (and we have people's allergies so will make sure there is nothing there that will make anyone ill) but otherwise this is by far the simplest option.

We're just not telling anybody that the meal is vegan. If anyone notices/raises it on the day to the point where they literally won't eat the free meal that's in front of them, then that's their choice. There's a pizza van coming later in the evening, or they can get a kebab on the way home.

I am a veggie and have been to countless weddings where the veggie option is crap or non-existent- I just filled up on bread and got a takeaway afterwards. It did not ruin my day.

I’d be saying ‘our wedding, our choice.’ Surely they should be taking joy in your forthcoming wedding, not throwing a spanner in the works for simply not accepting the catering of your choice.

of course they have the right, but they have terribly bad manners and are pathetically childish. Who has the time to waste with such people so ridiculously precious?

They're being twats. Ads for 'addressing' it with them, why bother? You've enough to think about in the run-up to your wedding; don't give them any more headspace or energy.
Apart from seeing if you can get the cost of/deposit on their hotel room back (if you've paid anything upfront).

When my son married there were three vegans, three vegetarians. Now, it was expected that my son and his wife catered for these people because did they shout about the menu (one option). There were only 35 guests.
A dear elderly friend was also invited, meat eater but we know is a coeliac just said he would not eat the bread rolls, the cake and decline dessert. Little did he know my son had the caterers make sure he got a gluten free bread roll, and a suitable dessert.
There was no alcohol available because two friends were recovering alcoholics.

My husband made the wedding cake and a totally separate vegan cake which the caterers failed to cut initially.
One vegetarian still ate the main cake as well, didn’t want to look different, actually she ate a lot of cake!

If you’re going to invite guests to a wedding, cater for their needs, not just yours.

BTY I’m allergic to cornbread, corn based products if I get an invite.

I’m a meat eater but some can be so pathetic with issues like this. There’re always jokes about vegans being annoying but I think it happens the other way far more often.

I remember once ordering a vegetable curry at the work’s canteen and the person serving gave me such a dirty look and said to the person dishing out meals “a meal for the vegetarian” with such disdain. I wasn’t even a vegetarian.

I’ve been to some nice weddings with pretty mediocre food. It’s not like that’s a main reason to go to a wedding or not.

These relatives are completely rude and pathetic.

Surely if there is one time when you get to pick the menu and the restaurant- it’s your wedding.

we had a vegetarian wedding and had a few grumbles from some uncles. But they came and they survived. 🤣

I’m a meat eater too and I’ve got great news for you!
Did you know meat eaters can eat fruit p, veg and pulses with no ill effects!!
In fact the more of them we eat the lower our risk of some cancers!
I know!! Great isn’t it!!

It’s your wedding. If they are petty enough not to come because they do want to eat a particular type of food then I wouldn’t worry about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

THey are being ridiculous and I say that as an avid meat eater. It is your wedding, your choice and at least a vegan restaurant pretty much guarantees a delicious vegan meal rather a crappy attempt at vegan food that you often get at non-vegan restaurants. It is your wedding, you should get to eat fabulous food and your guests are lucky to be invited!

I think if someone invites you to a wedding and you turn it down because of/cavil about the food, you're a twunt.
I've been to loads of weddings where I've been served what were IMO indifferent meat dishes/fish dishes/veggie dishes/pies/buffets… all sorts. So what? The point is to go and raise a glass to friends or family members on a beautiful and joyful day. If you want a delicious meal of your choice you can go to a restaurant or cook your favourite at home.

Tell them to bring meat -based sandwiches if they don’t want to fit in
I bet they haven’t ever looked at what veg fayre is available
this is what is known as’ contempt -prior to investigation ‘

Honestly who goes to a wedding for the food, it's usually awful whatever the theme.
I wouldn't care what the food was, I'm not a vegetarian and I'd eat anything put in front of me to be polite and if the restaurant is well reviewed all to the better.

Having said that, you don't usually give out details of the food on a wedding invitation and I would not have made a big thing about it being vegan because it can be annoying or seen as performative.

So you eat meat at every single meal you have normally? What a load of tosh. Nothing you can eat 🙄🙄🙄 please 🤦🏻‍♀️

I’d just ask them if they don’t eat any vegetables at all. If they said ‘well yes’ I’d then just ask why they were making trouble on your wedding for no reason. Then I’d uninvite them because they’re rude.