Hosting and warning non-vegans

[veganhost]

We are just about to move into a big enough home in a desirable area where it’ll be easy to have people stay overnight. We are looking forward to welcoming visitors, including on a ’hotel style’ basis, ie feel free to crash at ours but do what you want otherwise.

Now, since we’ve welcomed quite a few people to come and stay, not everyone is super aware of our belief and I feel that we need to warn people that we do not want any non-vegan food in our home. Some vegans don’t have any issues with this, but we do, and won’t change our minds. We are really not interested in discussing this or ’negotiating’, so to speak. I feel that we need to warn people about this so that they know before they come (and if they don’t want to come if they can’t have cow’s milk with their cereal eg, ok!).

How do we do this in the best way? I’ve thought of just mentioning it casually in an e-mail – is it then better as soon as a visit is discussed, or once dates have been set? Any suggestions on how to word this in a friendly but firm way would be much appreciated! I don’t really want to explain it, just state it, to avoid the risk of being told that we’re silly eg, but maybe a casual mention won't be noticed…

I wonder if any other vegan has personal experience of a similar situation, or if any non-vegan have a view on what they think. Any suggestions on how to best convey this in a nice but ’final’ way would be welcome!

Thanks for any thoughts 😊

Totally fine with your opinion. My criticism wasn't with your belief/ how you live. It was your decision to express that opinion in a totally unnecessarily rude way.

Probably not much point derailing OP's thread any more, you don't seem to be a very nice/ reasonable person & are unlikely to start being civil now!

@WeekendGoodMood I totally agree with respecting somebody's decision about what goes in their home - for vegan/religious/any other reason.

Probably not much point derailing OP's thread any more, you don't seem to be a very nice/ reasonable person & are unlikely to start being civil now!

Well that’s my day ruined.

I don’t believe in ghosts or psychics with real ability or homeopathy as medicine either btw. It’s all utter nonsense. Are you going to take umbrage with that too? Or is it just religious believers that I’m expected to suck up to?

I think the person was rude about veganism. They were trying to be dismissive of it so I’m not surprised @IHateWasps responded as she did. It was what the pp deserved imo for being goady.

I was vegan for quite a few years, vegetarian the rest of the time, and I think the real problem you'll have is not how to tell them, they'll all say "of course, that's fine, no problem" but then they'll turn up with non-vegan food and it'll only be when they're sat crunching it on your sofa that you'll have to point out it's not vegan. Then what will you do next, throw them out? They'll be astonished when you point out there's milk in the crisps, gelatine in the kids sweets, fish in the olive tapanade, honey in the cereal bars etc. Non-vegans just don't check the labels in the way vegans do. I spent my whole time as a vegan saying I can't believe there's milk in this! My relatives bring me food gifts all the time and for 20 years have never managed to reliably bring solely vegetarian food let alone vegan and they really do try.

I can’t be the only person who keeps an emergency snack in my bag. Since I have many allergies it is essential. When I travel, I bring a small assortment of food in my luggage. Nothing I really want to eat as meals, but food that can provide enough calories to keep me reasonably happy in a pinch.

Instead of using the term "non-vegan foods", could you maybe use "no animal-derived foods" or something? It might be a bit clearer.

I wouldn't stay. Not because of what I eat/don't eat but because I don't tend to be friends with people whose views (religion included) are on the opposite spectrum of mine. Too uncomfortable for a holiday, for sure.

If it was my house and my rule, I’d tell them to check any food/drink before they brought it in. It’s not difficult and if you’re staying with someone, be respectful of their rules.

And yes, I’d ask people to leave if they don’t respect my house rules, that I would have made very clear before they agreed to stay, like OP is intending to. I’m not a people pleaser though so I’d happily wave them off at 1am if needed. 🤣

And I'm sure OP's friends will be more than happy to stay and oblige. Because.. Friends. And some will be vegan or vegetarian already. And because some like London that much.

@ConflictofInterest i was coming back to say something similar.

@veganhost I dont know how far you want to go re refusing foods that aren’t vegan, but I suspect many people will be GENUINELY surprised at you being unhappy about a chocolate bar, a croissant for breakfast etc…. Or as Conflict said a packet of crisps.

You also have to remember that what looks obvious to you won’t be for non vegan.
eg well it’s obvious you can have <insert choice of breakfast ideas>. That will never have crossed the mind of a non vegan person.
Note I didn’t give any examples because I actually dint really know. Apart from toast with jam and oats with vegan milk (that a lot of people wouldn’t want).
Or I remember being 😳😳 when a vegan colleague checked if my guacamole was vegan. It had never crossed my mind that a shop bought one could contain cream!

So in your message, I’d add something along the lines of
’ For breakfast, we have plenty of choice such as ….>

And you’ll have to think about where you draw your boundaries re what you’ll accept in your house.

I’d just tell them as they ask if they can stay. Just say something like ‘as a reminder we are
completely vegan household so please don’t bring any non-vegan food, drink into the house’. I think anyone would be happy with that…the only issue I’d see is if there are people with small children going to be staying, my toddlers have cows milk in a morning and before bed, they won’t drink alternatives (I’ve tried them with different milks for a bit of variety) so that might be a bit of a issue for some people but they’d just have to stay elsewhere (or I’d probably just eat breakfast out so they can have milk with breakfast and skip the bedtime milk for a few days but others might not be so relaxed about it).

Just mention it to them when inviting.

We are a vegan / veggie husband household and wouldn’t want meat in our house.

OP is providing free accommodation. If people agree to stay, then they agree to having only vegan food in the house. The least they can do is check a few packets or use google to make sure what they bring in the house is vegan.

People apparently hear ‘vegan’ and suddenly become incapable of reading packets or googling or asking the host! Bizarre.

I think anyone getting free accommodation in London for a few nights should be able to cope with your vegan rules on food and drinks while in your home. It's not like they would be too far from a restaurant or cafe if they can't cope.
I've a question about vegan clothing in general though. What footwear do vegans wear if leather is excluded? I see vegan leather advertised sometimes on shoes etc but is that just another name for plastic?)

And by behaving like that, you are also likely to loose many friends and family.

Its always very easy to say on an internet forum ‘im not a people pleaser’ but such attitude would be seen by anyone as extremely rude (you’d chuck someone in the street with nowhere to go at 1.00am??) and that has consequences.

Imagine doing that at a family member for example…..

Yes you can have your own rules. But fgs dont invite non vegan to your house if you are planning to treat them like this because either they made a mistake or didn’t go through the entire list if ingredients if every single product they brought to your house.
It’s not worth it. Not for you and not for them.

Interesting discussion.
It wouldn't be a problem for me for a couple of nights if the OP is a good cook. I probably wouldn't want to stay more than a couple of nights (or I would eat out a lot) but that's fine.
In some ways it would be easier for me- wouldn't have to worry about my dairy allergic 2 year old being given it accidentally or having to bring Oat milk for her.
However I do think you need to be very very clear with people. I consider myself to have a pretty good understanding of what vegans do/don't eat but it wouldn't occur to me that I couldn't bring in some of my fussy daughters favourite snacks (with honey in the bar). Equally I would bring in some chocolate/sweets for myself in the evening without realising this would be an issue.
Also if I went to stay at a milk drinking house I would expect to take Oat milk for my daughter so to be honest I would assume I would bring dairy milk to your house for myself in have in coffee (yet to find a substitute I find acceptable), it genuinely wouldn't occur to me that this would be an issue and I would be mortified to discover I had offended you if we were friends.
I certainly wouldn't realise you would have a problem with me finishing a takeaway coffee in your house or having a non vegan snack bar in my bag to eat when I'm out (although I guess your unlikely to know that).
So I think it's really important to not assume that people will realise how strict you mean just because they are your friends, might have happily shared vegan meals with you etc.
The only thing I would have issues with would be if I felt you were being preachy about it- in the same way I would have an issue with a religious person doing this. However if this was you we would be very unlikely to be friends anyway as I would already have come across this I imagine!
I think it's very kind of you to offer for people to stay in your house while visiting the local area.

Then just don’t stay…

It’s not just the fake leather. ( yes that’s rubber, fake plastic, other fabrics )
Vegan shoes won’t have glue either.

Exactly this. I'd be fine with everything else being vegan but i really dislike milk alternatives and wouldn't agree to stay somewhere where I can't get a cup of tea in the morning.
Agreed that I'd see this the same as making sure I had vegan milk alternatives available if you visited me.
I wouldn't expect you to have meat or any other dairy products.

If I have been clear, then it is others that would be being rude! It’s not difficult to check packets or ask OP if the food is vegan. If they choose not to, they’re the rude ones and would have to accept the consequences.

Nowhere to go at 1am? There’s plenty of hotels.

Be respectful and it won’t happen. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I didn't think soya based formula was suitable for young babies? Also, are these actually fully vegan or might they have some animal derived ingredients? Though, most babies on formula will be on dairy formula and you can't just change formula for the weekend.

If you expect op to allow you to have dairy milk then why wouldn’t you expect to be allowed other dairy products? What’s the difference?

@Prunesqualler not for babies under 6m there aren't. My daughter is dairy free and we had to have prescribed milk as you can't buy dairy free formula off the shelves.