Hosting and warning non-vegans

[veganhost]

We are just about to move into a big enough home in a desirable area where it’ll be easy to have people stay overnight. We are looking forward to welcoming visitors, including on a ’hotel style’ basis, ie feel free to crash at ours but do what you want otherwise.

Now, since we’ve welcomed quite a few people to come and stay, not everyone is super aware of our belief and I feel that we need to warn people that we do not want any non-vegan food in our home. Some vegans don’t have any issues with this, but we do, and won’t change our minds. We are really not interested in discussing this or ’negotiating’, so to speak. I feel that we need to warn people about this so that they know before they come (and if they don’t want to come if they can’t have cow’s milk with their cereal eg, ok!).

How do we do this in the best way? I’ve thought of just mentioning it casually in an e-mail – is it then better as soon as a visit is discussed, or once dates have been set? Any suggestions on how to word this in a friendly but firm way would be much appreciated! I don’t really want to explain it, just state it, to avoid the risk of being told that we’re silly eg, but maybe a casual mention won't be noticed…

I wonder if any other vegan has personal experience of a similar situation, or if any non-vegan have a view on what they think. Any suggestions on how to best convey this in a nice but ’final’ way would be welcome!

Thanks for any thoughts 😊

Agree on the children, many under twos may be drinking cows milk or dairy formula if not breastfeeding. Young children need dairy if they are weaned early.

@Pinkorwhite

"We are looking forward to welcoming visitors, including on a ’hotel style’ basis, ie feel free to crash at ours but do what you want otherwise."

Sorry, I don’t get your point?

Don't be a tit. It doesn't come across like that at all.

Which is totally fair enough on the pov of the OP.
Also absolutely great she is planning to warm people up before hand. I think that’s essential.

But there is also the fact some people would struggle with that rule (regardless of the reason!). And that some people might well decide to not come to see her because if that rule.
If they are friends/acquaintances, probably not an issue.
If they are close family members/friends, then it might be more tricky to handle.

And I suspect the Op knows that, has had ‘discussions’ around her lifestyle and her list if close friends/family had curated itself around that.

If a friend of mine invited me to stay, but told me my autistic dc wasn't welcome to consume his safe food and drink in their home, and had to eat elsewhere, I wouldn't feel very welcome.

I wouldn't stay, and I'd probably no longer want to be a friend of someone willing to exclude my son, based on something he can't control.

This is just rude. There is no need for you to express such rude opinions about religious people. They've said nothing.

Veganism is an opinion. Not objective reality.

I think it is an interesting issue.
I am not vegan, but was veggie for many years, and I sympathise with not wanting non vegan products in the house.

If you were my host I would be very happy to go along. I can't stand milk subs in my tea (well actually in anything) but would be happy to work around and grab a tea from starbucks while out and about.
After all you are my host and you are doing me a favour.

But thinking about it, there have been many years when my kids would not have managed. As toddlers they all drank a lot of cows milk, and one of mine would only eat 'his' cereal for breakfast, nothing else.
And for 2 years my dd was on a prescription milk that came in small UHT packets, and we would have needed to bring those, as she had to drink them and we couldn't buy them while out.
So while I don't want to say - but what if... I do think there are quite a few contexts where it would be hard.

That’s your choice to make.

I wouldn’t take it personally at all, if our circumstances didn’t fit with a friends choices.

I do eat some of the things you mention….but I also always have butter on bread/toast. I can’t even bear margarine/spreads, they’re vile. I only have proper butter.

A few years ago, I had bad eczema and someone advised to cut out dairy. Milk substitutes are awful (to me), I love a milky tea and milk on my cereal, the substitutes just aren’t the same, I needed a ton of sugar to make tea anything like drinkable. Can’t even stand skimmed milk, so weak.

It’s unlikely we’ll ever cross paths though, but I wouldn’t like being told that I can’t even have a car of chocolate in my room out of sight of you and I don’t think I could go so long without a decent cuppa!

It’s not hard, you would just have to not stay at OPs house.

There’s a bit of a difference between inviting people, and people inviting themselves. I don’t think that anyone looking for a free stay should ignore or bend the OP’s rules - they should simply stay (and pay for) elsewhere, no matter whether they have children or allergies.

If OP is inviting guests whom she really wants to see, then a little flexibility might be good, such as providing some sort of milk-type liquid to go in a drink. But surely no guest over the age of 8 demands chicken nuggets? And if they do, then eat out!

I’m not going to pretend that I think there’s any chance that God/Gods exists. I don’t care if that’s “rude” I’d still respect their right to have no alcohol/pork/wheat etc in their home regardless of whether I share their beliefs.

Animals are killed in the production of meat/dairy and eggs. That’s reality.

Would be interested to hear OP's rule on formula milk? Just curious! X

You don't have to pretend, and you're perfectly entitled to say what you've said. I just am surprised that you chose - unprovoked - to be so rude about so many people.

You could easily have said "i don't believe in God but would respect religious people's choices"

But you chose to be unnecessarily rude. Just making an observation...

Animals do get killed/ used (dairy, eggs). But it's an opinion that that is wrong/cruel.

Or cows milk for toddlers. DS was breastfed so didn't need milk but many do until natural weaning age.

you are absolutely right, we would not have been able to stay at OPs house.
just saying it is not always as simple as just choosing to follow her lead.

Let’s see what OP says, but I don’t think she should make a special allowance for formula milk. If people don’t fit into OPs no non vegan food/drink rule, then don’t stay, even if it’s because of formula milk or allergy that isn’t anyone’s fault.

What about baby formula?

To me it looks like you're looking for opportunities to evangelise. I would find this tedious. It's all very stringent. It has a feeling of religion about it. This wouldn't be for me!

I really don’t care. Their belief in the extraordinary does not mean that I have to pretend to give it credence. At least there’s some solid basis for veganism whether or not you agree with it. But regardless it’s ultimately irrelevant to me if it’s an allergy or religious belief or an ethical objection. If you don’t want X, Y, X in your home then I won’t bring it. And if it isn’t feasible for me to avoid it for one reason or another then we can meet elsewhere.

Veganism is an ethical way of living.

X, Y,Z sorry

Agree. That’s really what it comes down to. OP can make a choice about what happens in her own home.

Not OP responding here obviously but
There are vegan baby formulas on the market …….for anyone here that’s interested aswell.

Vegan here. I tell visitors I keep a vegan home and also ask if there's anything they cannot eat or dislike. Works fine plus those who have bad reactions to some foods have say they appreciate having a host who understands dietary restrictions.