Hosting and warning non-vegans

[veganhost]

We are just about to move into a big enough home in a desirable area where it’ll be easy to have people stay overnight. We are looking forward to welcoming visitors, including on a ’hotel style’ basis, ie feel free to crash at ours but do what you want otherwise.

Now, since we’ve welcomed quite a few people to come and stay, not everyone is super aware of our belief and I feel that we need to warn people that we do not want any non-vegan food in our home. Some vegans don’t have any issues with this, but we do, and won’t change our minds. We are really not interested in discussing this or ’negotiating’, so to speak. I feel that we need to warn people about this so that they know before they come (and if they don’t want to come if they can’t have cow’s milk with their cereal eg, ok!).

How do we do this in the best way? I’ve thought of just mentioning it casually in an e-mail – is it then better as soon as a visit is discussed, or once dates have been set? Any suggestions on how to word this in a friendly but firm way would be much appreciated! I don’t really want to explain it, just state it, to avoid the risk of being told that we’re silly eg, but maybe a casual mention won't be noticed…

I wonder if any other vegan has personal experience of a similar situation, or if any non-vegan have a view on what they think. Any suggestions on how to best convey this in a nice but ’final’ way would be welcome!

Thanks for any thoughts 😊

You don't say?! 🤔

Reading the discussions about the comparison to religion I find that really interesting. To me yes it is similar but I would see both as a choice as opposed to say an allergy.
Interestingly I find that how strict vegans are themselves varies in a similar way to religious people. I have worked with a vegan who was happy to feed our clients meat provided she didn't have to touch it (or cook it) and 1 who requested not to feed anyone non vegan food (bit awkward but we managed). Equally I have worked with Muslims who are happy to feed a client sausages and some who aren't.

Someone needed to. You were ranting about no alternatives. 😊

So many people triggered by a scenario they will never find themselves in because that would require being friends with vegans 🙄

Be8ng a vegan or indeed vegetarian is not just about the food you buy.
Thats a very narrow view.

Exactly
Along with religious variations as well. Lots of Catholics for example go to communion but never confession, whilst others wouldn’t dream of doing this.

Similarly many vegans and vegetarians wear leather.

Its down to individual choice.

Or maybe just call them vegetarian rather than ‘otherwise vegan’.
As that is what they are.

“Still interesting to see that some people would find it so jarring not to eat meat/dairy for, say, two breakfasts, for example, that they wouldn't to stay”.

It’s called being childish. You’re providing free accommodation, if they’re going to lose their shit because they need animal milk in a coffee they can pay for a bloody hotel. But this won’t happen because it’s real life, not crazy mn! Your house, your rules!

I have a vegan friend who wears fur, leather, she doesn’t do it for moral reasons, she doesn’t care about animal suffering at all. She just won’t put anything related to a “filthy” animal in her mouth.
I’m vegan, DH and DD aren’t, so we do have meat products in the fridge. They’ll also both happily eat and enjoy vegan food, because it’s nice to try new things and they aren’t toddlers.

Everything else was vegan. No shop bought eggs and no dairy. I've known quite a few people who see rescue eggs as different.

The point is
The ‘vegan community’ you stayed with aren’t in fact vegan if they eat eggs. It really doesn't matter where the eggs come from. It’s completely irrelevant.

Its no different from someone saying they are vegetarian except on a full moon when they have a bacon butty……so not vegetarian then!

I don't think I know anyone who would never eat at least a veggie meal by choice sometimes, so we're clearly different :-)

A veggie meal by choice and everything vegan including milk in teas and coffees is very different.

I'm not sure how I'd feel about this. I mean, I can cope with toast with jam and no butter for a few days, pasta with a tomato sauce for dinner, but I stress enough about thinking up delicious and nutritious meals for my family without having to consider veganising everything as well. Probably overthinking it though. We'd just go out for dinner.

It's far easier to say vegan, with one exception, than vegetarian with no dairy, no honey, and no eggs except for from their own rescue chickens isn't it? The chickens are a recent addition, the previous time I visited they were completely vegan. Some eat the eggs, some don't.

I eat a strict low carbohydrate diet, and I think I would have to politely decline to stay in a household as strictly vegan as the OP's. She has a strict dietary restriction, and so do I, and they are pretty much incompatible. But that's ok, I'd stay in a hotel 🙂.

The problem isn't that I want to eat meat at every meal - I don't. I often eat vegetarian. But vegan is almost impossible for me because I don't eat the carbs that inevitably form a good part of a vegan diet. I eat no bread, cake, other flour products, potato, rice or pasta. Also no peas, beans, corn or lentils. No sugar, or fruit (except berries). I don't drink plant milks because they are so highly processed and very bad for the planet. I don't eat highly processed food if I can avoid it (so no 'plant butter' or fake meat / cheese).

I've given this quite a bit of thought, and I think i would eat avocado and/or mushrooms for breakfast? Maybe a few berries or nuts? I could eat salad vegetables with a dressing and maybe some nuts. Cooked green veggies for dinner...it's not impossible, but with no dairy, eggs, meat or fish, I would struggle for any balance in my diet. Perfectly possible for one or two meals, but I think I'd rather not strain a friendship by putting either the OP or me through it.

Just to say, I do cook carbohydrates for visitors. I serve up potatoes, fruit, cake and bread for other people, and make something different for myself. I wouldn't ban carbs from my house. But if the OP wants to ban animal products, that's fine, as long as she makes it clear.

If she didn't say anything up-front, I think I'd assume I'd get vegan meals (most of which I couldn't eat), and then I would eat some cheese or Greek yogurt in the privacy of my room! Clearly that's unacceptable, so I'd either have to not stay, or eat all my meals out. Again, fine, but I'd want to know in advance.

I am an avid meat eater and not religious. Veganism is not a religion, but it may as well be. I actually have more respect for someone who is vegan than someone who blindly follows a religion. Even though I don’t want to eat that way I can understand who others would. Unlike religion.

@Pinkorwhite can't quote, but for me the difference is I would really find it hard/ not enjoyable to not be able to have a decent cup of tea in the morning whereas other meals /drinks I wouldn't mind being vegan.

I also think having a pint of milk in the fridge wouldn't be as unpleasant for a vegan as having a steak or chicken breast for example.

It's fine though, I would just decline the invite and stay elsewhere.

Obviously I could survive without tea if I really needed to but a nice weekend visiting friends shouldn't just be survival!

My point was that if you are so vegan that a pint of cows milk or an egg is too offensive to have in your house then so should a pair of leather shoes . Of course the OP can make whatever rules she wants .

But that’s exactly why some people get confused, ie by using the wrong terminology
So actually it’s not easier to say vegan, it’s easier and accurate to say it how it is.
ie They are vegetarian but used to be vegan.

or they are a community of vegetarians and vegans.

The term also ‘completely vegan’ is wrong. You either are vegan or you aren’t vegan.

Aplogies that I keep pushing this point but this is exactly why so many restaurants and people get this wrong and serve up stuff that they believe is vegan or vegetarian because
‘oh my mothers uncles friend eats eggs and they’re vegan’. No they are not.
‘oh auntie Velmas neighbour eats honey and they are vegan’. No they are not.

Better to just keep it simple…by keeping it accurate.

Vegetarian would imply they were happy to eat dairy and eggs and honey, or wear leather or wool which they aren't. If they eat anywhere else it is vegan only. It is clear and simple to say vegan, with one specific exception, otherwise they may be served animal products by mistake. Better safe than sorry. This is how they identify, so I use the same terminology they use for themselves.

Very true.
Its no wonder some people are confused still if people keep using the terms wrongly.

I recently went to a restaurant ( well pub type place ) with
V next to vegetarian food but also
V ‘ next to other vegetarian food. The ‘ in small print mentioned it was cooked with meat products……So NOT vegetarian then as it would contain meat fats.

Twisting the facts and using incorrect terminology is unnecessary.

It is insulting to vegans to twist the terminology used though.

Vegans don’t eat eggs……fact!

Agree @Prunesqualler why is this confusing.?

In actual fact I don’t believe any food is vegan. Most commercially grown crops rely on bees. The bees are hugely stressed each time they are moved to a new crop. So why is it not ok to eat honey but is ok to eat the crops that rely on their exploitation?

Agree
Its the same with a lot of veggie threads I’m afraid.
It breeds confusion

Yet, if they leave their own land they would need to say they are vegan as they would not eat commercially produced eggs.

So then they ( as you say )
follow a vegetarian diet at home
and they
follow a vegan diet when not at home

But to call them vegans, or indeed if they call themselves vegans, is inaccurate as they don’t follow that lifestyle all the time.