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Original poster

Being away from My Child for 8 months.

180 replies

user1478250761 · 04/11/2016 11:00

Hi

We have made a decision, Next year I will be away working in a remote location for 8 months.

Why? Simple the money. If I was offered double what I could earn in the UK I would turn it down.

My son turns 2 December 27th and being away from him for that amount of time (I am afraid we cannot skype, but phone calls are 'manageable' because of the location).

I am putting things in place, like recording videos and have a cuddly toy with a picture of me on it.

But To say this is easy is not the case, when I first accepted it, I cried...loads.

I then spoke to people in the navy who are away a lot and they have been great.

What I am asking is when I am away, while I accept he will be taller and talek more when I get back will i miss much else? Will this damage his development?

OP posts:
GoofyTheHero · 04/11/2016 12:04

Nobody blinks an eye at a father being out of the country for large amount of times without their child so it should be no different for a mother.

I certainly would bat an eyelid at my children's father being out of the country and not seeing our DC for 8 months.

Caillou · 04/11/2016 12:04

I know it will be hard for both of you,
we are in the process of relocating, and my 2 dd will be away from their dad at least 5 months

have you looked at the cloud pets teddies? (you would need Internet access though).

user1477282676 · 04/11/2016 12:04

My DH went away to the other side of the world for ten months when our DC were 18 months and 4.

They were fine.

TheNameIsBarbara · 04/11/2016 12:04

I think no-one would be talking in such emotive language if you were a man. If you were a man and had a family relying on you to earn the money it would be expected that the family would cope without you.

Its a one off and its only eight months, honestly it's a fantastic opportunity to provide stability for your son, why wouldn't you do it. Of course it will be hard but there are wonderful forces families who could give you tips on how to cope.

I'd go for it personally, but I expect the answers will be similar to the ones you've already received.

Wenchelda · 04/11/2016 12:04

I agree with sprogletsmum in that it depends if you are the main carer or not. If I went away for 8 weeks, never mind 8 months, it would really effect my DCs. However if DH went away, they wouldn't be as bothered!

Finola1step · 04/11/2016 12:04

And yes, I agree with Dilkington

SummerHouse · 04/11/2016 12:06

Who does your son cry for if he is ill / hurt? You or your partner? If it is not you then I think its a tough decision to make but doable. I wouldn't do it but I respect where you are coming from.

TheNameIsBarbara · 04/11/2016 12:06

Plus, as this is a working opportunity for the OP it suggests that she is working anyway, hence she is not a SAHM, and the little boy won't be losing the only person he's ever known, he will have his dad and his grandmother caring for him.

I think it would be slightly different if the OP was a SAHM but I don't think she is (from what she has posted).

Thisjustinno · 04/11/2016 12:07

For £90,000 for 8 months work? Absolutely do it.

AntiHop · 04/11/2016 12:08

Could your child and partner come with you?

NerrSnerr · 04/11/2016 12:08

'Ignore other posters op' ah yes, because you know better than everyone, only your opinion matters.

I can see why you're doing it OP, it's not something I could do but your reasons are understandable. Is there any chance he could come too? Even for a few months? Could you get back easily if needed?

DearMrDilkington · 04/11/2016 12:09

The child isn't being left with strangers, he will be cared for by his father and his granny.

The op has said she has to do this, she hasn't asked for people's opinions if she should or not. Its extremely unhelpful for people to be upsetting her more.

DearMrDilkington · 04/11/2016 12:11

Could you speak to your boss op and see if it would be possible to fly home for a week halfway through your time there?

MrsFogi · 04/11/2016 12:12

I would ask mn to pull this thread and re-write and re-post it as though you are the father going away and you may then get the sensible and helpful suggestions you are seeking rather than lots questioning your decision (although you'll still get those but, I suspect, significantly less).

TheClacksAreDown · 04/11/2016 12:12

OP do make sure you've checked out the taxation position. Presumably you'll still be uk tax resident and whilst generally double taxation treaties apply if you're going somewhere so under developed you can't get Skype, I would check carefully you don't end up getting taxed twice and how it all works in practice.

SummerHouse · 04/11/2016 12:12

I can't see anywhere that op says they are a woman. Have I missed something?

RavioliOnToast · 04/11/2016 12:13

Do it OP. In the grand scheme of things 8 months is nothing really. Yes it's a long time when your child is only 2, but that's it, he's only 2. You've got the rest of your life with him- You should do it for your family. No doubts about it.

This could change your entire life, and as pp have suggested leave gifts for him with your partner, have photos of you in his room and around the house. Take photos now of you and him together and put them up. He'll be fine.

DearMrDilkington · 04/11/2016 12:13

mrsfogi I'm so glad I'm not the only one who finds this ridiculous. Poor op is being ripped to shreds.

FranticalFidget · 04/11/2016 12:14

I think it really depends on your relationship with your dc.

Couldn't give a fuck if you are the Mum or Dad, if you have been the primary care giver and your dp has been anything less than complete 50/50 shared caring for your dc then it will be a disaster for them.

Does he/she care for them while you are at work? Clean teeth, put to bed, feed them? Everything?

Then you won't have that much of a problem.

If not...well it's a world away from an uninvolved parent or grand parent going away for months. If you are the main care giver that money better be tripled so you can pay for the therapy later on.

DearMrDilkington · 04/11/2016 12:14

summer she said her sons father will be looking after him. So I presumed she's the mother.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 04/11/2016 12:16

I would do it.
He's two, you have plenty it time to catch up when you come back.

My father was away when I was this age, I can't say my bond with him is any different than my siblings'.

FinallyHere · 04/11/2016 12:18

I think this will entirely depend on how the little one experiences it. A parent disappearing and no mention made of them (as in Victorian novels) is a very different thing to child being reminded constantly about the other parent. Thank s will be much more difficult for you than for your baby.

As well as the videos, could you record yourself reading some stories (singing songs ?). Leave these playing as the little one goes to sleep, so that your voice remains familiar. All the very best.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 04/11/2016 12:18

And it's not like you're leaving him in a an orphanage or something.
He'll be cared by by his other parent.

Veggiesupremeextracheese · 04/11/2016 12:19

What is the job? Sounds an amazing opportunity!

Thatwaslulu · 04/11/2016 12:19

I would do it in a heartbeat. As well as a mother you are a person in your own right not defined by your child - this is a once in a lifetime opportunity to set your family up for the future. As you say you would have to work for more than 4 years to earn what you will earn in 8 months. The bigger picture is important here. Good luck.