AIBU to feel disappointed about my daughter’s former primary school not inviting her back?

[JustAnotherDay27]

My daughter left primary school this summer and is now in Year 7.
Her former primary school is inviting some former pupils back to share their experiences of secondary school with the current Year 6 pupils.
Her former Year 6 class was very small, with only a handful of pupils. I recently found out that at least three of her former classmates have been invited, including two who now attend the same secondary school as my daughter.
A few weeks ago, my daughter asked me whether we’d received an invitation from her old school, so I think she was hoping to take part.
She seemed disappointed when she found out that some of her friends had been invited but she hadn’t.
I completely understand that the school may have its reasons for selecting certain pupils, and I don’t expect everyone to be invited. However, given how small the class was, I do wonder whether this approach could leave some children feeling excluded or overlooked.
I’m considering sending some polite feedback to the headteacher, not to request an invitation, but simply to highlight how this might affect children who weren’t selected.
AIBU to feel the school could have handled this more thoughtfully? Or is this just a normal part of school life that I should leave alone?
I’d genuinely appreciate other parents’ perspectives, particularly if your children’s schools have organised similar events.

What do you feel you DC would have added?

I’m considering sending some polite feedback to the headteacher, not to request an invitation, but simply to highlight how this might affect children who weren’t selected.

Oh how very caring and charitable of you.

So if your daughter had been chosen, you’d still be concerned enough to email about how it might affect those who weren’t?

Really?

YABU it isn’t anything personal.
They can’t have them all come back.

If DD wants to see her old teachers then perhaps she could attend the summer fetes etc.
She could even offer to volunteer as most schools often need helpers as these events.

So, are you going to contact every company that she attends an interview but doesn't get the job in the future as well?

It’s called life.

YABU. You have no idea what the criteria was for selecting students, so how can you complain that your daughter wasn’t selected? It would only be reasonable to complain if you knew that there was specific criteria and your daughter met/exceeded the criteria but still hadn’t been chosen.

Also, I don’t agree that the school could have handled it “more thoughtfully”. What else did you want them to do? The children don’t even attend that school anymore! I mean, I guess they could have emailed all of the families saying “just letting you know, some children are being asked to come back to talk to the year 6s, but your child isn’t one of them” and would that seriously have helped in any way?

DS is in Y13 and currently mid Uni applications - one of which is Oxford. The likelihood is he’ll be ‘excluded or overlooked’ but because he’s built resilience over the years by not always being selected for sports teams/prize giving/star of the week, he’s perfectly fine with applying, giving it his best shot, but not being distraught if he’s not offered. And not expecting his mum to e mail and complain if he doesn’t get a place.

When she gets rejected from jobs in the future, are you going to call up the employers to express your disappointment?

They don't invite all former pupils to do this, so I can't see what your problem is. Your DD isn't left out, she just isn't one of the handful they've chosen.

As another PP said, an opportunity to encourage resilience.

Unless they asked for it (and why would they? ) I wouldn't be sending 'feedback' about this thing that is nothing to do with you either. That would make you and DD look slightly bonkers.

It’s obvious why your daughter wasn’t invited — they chose two others from the same secondary she’s attending, so there’s no need to duplicate further. Presumably they want kids from a range of secondaries. Surely you’re not actually demanding to know why your daughter wasn’t one of the two?

Not everyone gets selected all the time. It’s ok to feel disappointed. You don’t have to make everything better and let your DD build some resilience.

Because the OP would be ok with other children not being invited, just not her own.

This. First post nailed it.

You are being ridiculously unreasonable! Please do not contact the school! Imagine thinking that teachers have the energy to deliberately exclude your DD! They will have been asked to quickly come up with two names from each school, there will have been no more to it than that. Your DD needs to learn to handle disappointments!

Just a wild thought...are the selected ex students good at specific subjects?
A maths and science whiz, an arts and performance talent and a history, geography, languages buff?
Perhaps the primary school want to show there's something for everyone at high school?
Don't stress and don't complain.

Dont be that parent and send an email. Your daughter has just learnt a life lesson- not everyone can be included.

Just a thought OP not that I want to send you into a cycle of paranoia about this terrible slight, but is it possible that they have only picked the children of the active, or formerly active PTA? Because I am pretty sure that I once, or maybe twice, saw a post on here suggesting that children of PTA members were picked for everything, leads in the school production, captains of sports they didn’t even play, offers of second helpings at lunch, use of the least worn out felt tips, the best cushions in the book corner , seats nearest the radiators in winter…….

Well it’s something to consider anyway.

Heads have quite enough to do without parents wasting their time with ridiculous things like this.

It's normal to feel a bit disappointed but it would be completely unreasonable to email the school. Your DD needs to learn to deal with disappointments and you need to help her do this, not make it harder.

@JustAnotherDay27 If it's a small school maybe it's informal invitations? I was asked by a teacher if DS1 wanted to come and talk to students. (Embarrassed, I had to say that he didn't want to).

This is really not a hill to die on. Sometimes some people are picked/asked randomly and sometimes they are chosen for x reason. You don't know what and ALL primary staff would think you're an entitled and unhinged helicopterparent for questionning why YOUR precious daughter was not selected. Please don't embarass yourself.

Why does it matter, why is your DD so more important than any other children? Honestly, they could have drawn the names from a hat. Do not send "polite feedback" to anyone, that is just ridiculous. Your DD needs to learn to be resilient and your attitude is not helping her.

This is the problem with our “participation award”, “no adversity” culture for kids now. We excuse it at age seven saying oh well, they’re just little, they’ll learn to accept disappointment eventually. Then at age 12/13, they’re still getting upset about this sort of minor event.

How was your relationship with the school and staff when she was at primary?

OP you have to be joking right? This has to be a wind up post. No one is this self absorbed

100% this.

2 from the one high school is more than enough, there may have been no thought at all to the selection or there may have been a lot. It doesn’t matter. As someone else said this is pure and simple a resilience exercise for your daughter that not everything will come her way.