How do I tell friend I cannot go away ?

[rolandratiloveyouroland]

we are in financial difficulty. I do not want to tell anyone that is the reason for not going away. We have a super holiday coming up over xmas, we paid for that in full over a year ago, before things got really bad. To not go on the upcoming holiday would mean losing the money as too late for any refund. So we will go (it's all inc so spending money should be very little). My friend will then say something along the lines of '' you can afford to go your super holiday but not one with me''.

What do I say to friend ? she will be more than pissed off at me.

"I can only afford one holiday this year, sorry". Job done.

Is it a tradition that you and your friend take a holiday together every year? Even if that is the case, expectations are not binding on the other party and they do not trump economic realities. But don't delay telling your friend you cannot go with her. She may need time to find another travelling companion or adjust her plans.

Just say sorry I don't want to this year, I've always paid out for one holiday.

End of.

this

What kind of friend would not accept and respect the fact that you can't afford to go away with them?

And who needs friends like that anyway?

Can't you just say you've spent your holiday budget already and can't go anywhere else?

I don't think we can tell the friend is going to be difficult based on what OP has said. The expected reaction is not unreasonable, particularly if it's something they had planned to do usually do. Saying you can't afford something or you have had unexpected expenses does not indicate you are in financial difficulty. It's nothing to be ashamed of to say u can't afford something. The first time I did it when advised to go private from NHS dentist was liberating. Hope u find a resolution

Do you usually go on holiday with this friend? Would it be just the two of you? Sounds very demanding, I wouldn't go on principle even if I could afford to.

Tell her your holiday is already paid for. You don't have spare funds currently.

Agreed, just tell her this. What can she say? Your financial situation now is different to this time last year.

“My friend will then say something along the lines of '' you can afford to go your super holiday but not one with me''.

You say, “Yes, sadly that is exactly the situation. You know I would like to go on holiday with you, but at the moment, I just can’t manage it.”

If she’s a friend, she’ll be sympathetic. If she isn’t, she isn’t a friend.

Why would there be an expectation from your friend? Surely a holiday with your partner takes priority especially if it was booked and paid for a year ago. Just tell her you can’t afford it.

So she’s only being your friend if you meet her needs at the expense of yours?

That’s not friendship, that’s cheeky fucker territory.

You can afford to go your super holiday but not one with me

Doesn't she understand that money can only be spent once, and it isn’t at all unusual to not be able to go away again after spending money on a big holiday?

You are an adult and you really can’t explain to a friend that you can’t afford another holiday? Just be honest and if she gets the hump it’s too bad.

Why is there an expectation?
Id say budget won't allow the holiday we've already paid for and an additional one.

Op what sort of financial diffulty, are you embarrassed about a poor investment or your business not doing so well?

You could say we need to save for new car / home improvements?

She'll just have to change her expectations then, won't she?

Have you ever heard of JADE and that you should never Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain?

Do you always do one at a, certain time of year or is it a special birthday? It's unclear why she's expecting a holiday..

Literally tell her financially you can't afford a holiday this year and yes you're going away with yoru family but that was paid off last year

Tell her yes. Thats how money works. Once it has been spent on one thing it is no longer available to be spent again on something else.

I honestly dont understand some people. If you have enough to buy one thing, that doesnt mean you have enough to buy all the things. It means you spent your money on that thing and now the money is no longer available. Because you spent it. On your higher priority choice. Which a family holiday is over a holiday with a pal.

Your friend needs to grow up, speaking as someone who has just been the friend.

Honesty is the best way forward - excuses sound like excuses and will make it seem much more like you are just trying to wriggle out of going with her. The truth is a reality for many, many families at the moment and something a good friend should be able to understand and manage their disappointment about.

You have nothing to be embarrassed about and if she is trying to use guilt to manipulate you, she isn't the friend she should be. You are doing the only sensible thing. Anyone trying to guilt you into further debt or not show understanding of the circumstances, despite their disappointment is undermining the friendship.

I hope it works out and she surprises you.

My friend will then say something along the lines of '' you can afford to go your super holiday but not one with me''.

A simple response is "Yes that's correct."

Why can’t you say you can’t afford it? I would just tell a friend that I couldn’t afford it? Sorry, things have got expensive and we are struggling a bit right now to afford anything extra, the other holiday was already paid for last year before we had this issue’ that’s what I would say, and that’s what my friends would say, and even friends who are very wealthy of mine would say this if they had earmarked money for other things, house moves or weddings etc.

I think a lot of PPs are missing the bit that the OP is looking for an excuse that does not involve admitting she can't afford it.

If you have a tradition of going away regularly with your friend and/or you've already been making plans, then to be honest I can understand why she would be a bit hurt that you are having a "super" holiday elsewhere but have reneged on your plans with her, without any real explanation.

If you are honest, and she is a good friend, she will completely understand that your circumstances have changed and the only reason you are going on the super holiday is because it is already booked and paid for.

Why can't you just be straight with her?

But there will be an expectation
Why? Do you go every year or something?
Just say you can't afford it as you've had to prioritise your family holiday and finances mean that's it for holiday spending for now.
If she doesn't accept that she's not a very good friend.