Where do I start when everything in life needs changing?

[Feelinglow2026]

I am at the stage where major changes are needed but it all seems too much. In summary:

1. I am 6 stone overweight. I do a lot of walking but very little other exercise. I used to be pretty sporty and miss being competitive. Im struggling with joint pain and easy mobility now.
2. I live rurally and will find it hard to move due to elderly parents to care for although this care is currently minimal (will get more over coming years i think).
3. Due to rural living, im horrifically lonely but crave both peace and quiet and a busy life full of people. I am full of contradictions. I have no local friends, just a few acquaintances who I rarely see.
4. I am highly likely autistic but do not want a diagnosis as I love travel and feel that the world is increasingly against anyone with differences. I doubt it'll be long before places like America don't want neurodiverse people visiting.
5. I work remotely which doesn't help. I've been looking for alternatives for some time. I feel like im at the beck n call at work and hate it.
6. I jump from hobby to hobby, job to job with no staying power.
7. Im a procrastinstor and often spend days just watching TV series. Im decisioned out/burnt out and get to the end of the day hating that I've done nothing.
8. I've never had a longterm relationship and im past child bearing age.
9. Im depressed but don't want medication. It hasn't helped much before.

10. I worry about retirement with little money and only 9k saved and a small pension. I have no partner's pension as a backup. I spend far too much money on food and not enough on fun. If I book something fun I often back out. 11. I'm not doing self care. I'm ugly as I'm fat, wear awful clothes because they're comfy, have wrinkles galore, my hair is scruffy despite a recent cut, my skin looks pale and lacks any glow. My whole body hurts. 12. I really struggle socially.

Where the heck do I start?

Start now. Find a 30 min exercise class on you tube and do it.

then come back and read comments!

do an exercise class every day /m- you’ll feel infinitely better for it

I think if I were in your situation, I would start with a local active hobby. Depending on what you like, local to me that might be an exercise class, something like netball or football, or a walking group.
That would be enough for me to start with, as I know it's hard to keep up a hobby, but would give you a bit of exercise, a little bit of social time without the pressure of being conversation driven, and hopefully some endorphins.

I would also book myself some travel somewhere as something to look forward to.

But what step feels the least scary to start with?

I can't keep up with a walking group and there's nothing really on evenings and weekends in my rural area. There's the odd thing in the daytime but I work.

I'll have a look

Looking at what changes you think you want to make some sre obviously more longer term then others. So start there, decide which aren't the quick wins and will take longer and park them to deal with later.

Start with what you can do now, seems like a good idea might be focusing on yourself you don't talk about yourself in a positive way. Losing weight is something you can start straight away and as you start seeing results will help your self esteem. Go get your hair cut. Then introduce doing your nails. You don't need to do it all at once otherwise its overwhelming.

Figure out why your body is in pain so then you can start doing the right exercise to support you. Ideally you should be focusing on weights to help build good muscle mass.

My body is in pain because I'm so overweight and have a lot of inflammation due to shitty diet and weight. My joints are constantly sore and doing anything is hard work.

Is there a swimming pool you could get to? I think a swim once a week would be good for you and it's unlikely to make any bodily problems worse.

Thanks for sharing. Then tackle the food because that is always the biggest factor in losing weight. You have to start eating better and that will help with some of the inflammation. If you could afford it get a personal.trainer who can look sf your food guide tou correctly and then work with you on exercise to help you.

It will be hard but once tou habe got started and are consistent you will feel better.

Im not one to normally suggest it but maybe even taking those weight loss drugs could help you but obviously something to discuss with your doctor and its your decision. I know people who had similar issues do really well.

Yes I could definitely give that a try.

I crave both peace and quiet and a busy life full of people. I am full of contradictions.

I have no local friends, just a few acquaintances who I rarely see.

I am highly likely autistic but do not want a diagnosis as I love travel.

I work remotely which doesn't help.

I jump from hobby to hobby, job to job with no staying power.

Im a procrastinstor and often spend days just watching TV series. Im decisioned out.

All that's possibly saying ADHD to me rather than autism. I'm no diagnostic expert but I have one kid with each (and one with both).

The overeating might be part and parcel of that, according to DD.

I've tried sorting the eating/weight out for years. Decades really.

Id try weight loss injections if I were you, you sound like the perfect candidate. The cost will easily be offset in much much lower food bills. Once the weight starts dropping off you'll have the energy and self confidence to sort the rest. Just make sure you bring in exercise as soon as you can so you dont lose muscle.

I've tried them twice. They didn't work for me. I was just eating the same. Plus they cost a fortune and they've gone up loads since then.

This could have been me who posted this! I will hit the watch option, as I would be glad to see what others ideas and advice is.

But not jumping on your post of course, so yeah similar issues a few differences, as I have one child.

I agree with a couple of responses I read quickly about joining something exercise based, as it will help with your goals of getting/keeping fit, and getting exercise, and you will be around others, who you can relate to, and might make friends.

I think it adds to things if you are working remotely, as you are then not out and about daily to get to work, and having work colleagues the same as in a non remote job. Are you thinking to change to something non remote then?

Clothing etc wise, this was me exactly today. Most of where I live everyone in hot weather been in nice dresses or vest tops and some sort of bottoms or shorts or skirt.
Me I have gone between just getting by, with some very difficult situations going on in the background. And not spending the time or sometimes having the mood or motivation to look for other better clothing, that I will feel good/attractive/feminine in.
So have just rotated what I have throughout these months, and that has been T-shirts and bottoms, oversized swamped, and not helping me look less fat.

I would say look at what you do currently hair, face body wise, and build from there.
So even if you haven’t been doing much, cleanse and moisturise day and night, remembering sunscreen, eye cream, get products that suit your skin/concerns.
Do you like makeup? You could do minimal mascara, tidy brows with a pencil that comes with the little brush and a bit of pencil to define. Bit of blush and a tinted balm etc.

Body again cleansing and exfoliating. Weekly scrub. Keep nails neat on hands and feet, if you don’t mind varnish then put a nudey every day colour, or whatever you like.

Hair I know what you mean I have mine tied up permanently lol.
Constantly in the battle of washing it, greasy again, brushes make it worse. And just scraped back.

Depending on style then dry it and use styling products accordingly. When you get it cut ask them to help with tips to maintain it inbetween.

Yeah I'd like an inperson job or at least hybrid. I don't wear makeup and I'm not good at it. Can definitely try and practice hair and make up though.

I kind of went into a bit of a fug like this during a relocation abroad and then almost immediately covid happened - so none of the things I planned could happen ( I’m married 30 years) we came back after2 years and I had piled on 2 stone and was 5 stone overweight - I realised I was eating because I was feeling down and bored and realised that I needed to have stuff to hand to nibble on that didn’t make me feel deprived but wouldn’t make the situation worst - so I cooked up and sliced up 3 days worth ata time of melon, hard boiled eggs, cucumber and tomatoes with a bit of balsamic, cheap packs of prawns , kept in lots of Greek yoghurt, basically had stuff at hand without resorting to biscuits or crisps -I printed myself a routine for 2 lots of 15 minutes a day ( as was totally unfit) 15 mins of stretching exercises I got online - arms, neck, legs, all quite simple , 15 minutes of dancing to music energetically ! Gradually changed it round to a bit of t’ai chi , some deep breathing exercises on bed - all are easy but help calm that ‘inner head’ without anyone else watching , progress to the pool maybe a couple of times a week - it’s about doing the things you can change and quickly, rather than the things that aren’t instantly changeable - it can be hard if you live rurally - but I think if you feel better in yourself you find it’s often a bit easier to make decisions . Dont think of anything as diet and excercise, just think of it as changing habits - I found that really useful and yes I did get fitter and lost weight and didn’t feel deprived .

Thank you

Start with one small habit change. Even if that is a week of drinking a pint of water when you wake up. When you are totally overhwelmed with worries and mental or physical weights weighing you down, there is no point trying to be perfect at everything.

Pick something you think you can commit to and do it and write it down each day. That small act of success will help you pick another small positive habbit to pick up that you can stick to.

In general it is easier to take something up than give up a bad habbit so start with a positive.

When it comes to food, the same applies. Giving up calorie dense food is hard. Setting yourself a goal of increasing your protein intake is easier - and the by product is that you will feel more satiated and will therefore find it easier to reach for the biscuits less often.

Your phone will likely have an inbuilt steps tracker. Switch it on and forger about it for a couple of weeks whilst you pick up whichever small positive thing you decide on. After a couple of weeks, look ar tour weekly average and set yourself a goal of increasing it by 10%.

Eating well, moving enough and sleeping enough are the bedrocks to feeling good. All 4 are interlinked: if you eat well, you have energy so you exercise, and so you sleep well so you feel well and happy and pick good food and the cycle continues. I know how umbelievably difficult it is when you dont sleep so you are knackered and dont exercise so feel crap so eat crap and the cycle goes on. The good news is that you can break that cycle on any of the chains so pick the bit that feels easiest. Move more, go to bed earlier or increase your protein and fruit and veg. Dont try and do it all all at once but pick a bit you know you can do and trust that you can snowball the habbits from there.

Have you been to the doctors? You may qualify for the jabs.

Wishing you well - it’s hard but you can do it - I think the bedrock is feeling a bit better in yourself - get your best clothes on , maybe try a bit of make up or a new way of doing your hair -bang some perfume on - get that plate of handy to grab healthy snacks in fridge, start a good engrossing book , start the 15 minutes stretching or dancing!! You can do it

What gets you down the most?

It does feel rather like a doom spiral, everything's against you and it's hard to change.

Could you get therapy? I'm not much of a fan but I think understanding why you do things is useful eg why are you caring for your parents when it is so detrimental to your life?

Losing weight is mainly about how much and what you eat, plus health conditions, plus a bit about exercise. I'm not saying that's easy to address but you seem to focus on exercise rather than food.

I hope you can make a change. Picking one thing and concentrating on that for a while will be easier than trying to do it all.

Start with this:

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

I don’t usually recommend self-help books but this one is something else altogether. And don’t be fooled by the title either - it’s not just for artists.

Make a plan
See a counsellor who understands neurodiversity
Eat better, cook at home, reduce UPF
Pick up a hobby, join the wi, go to church, volunteer at a food bank, etc. Find purpose and community.
Move - yoga, walking, weight lifting
See your acquaintances more
Assertive boundaries at work- no you won't be available out of hours. If they are unreasonable, start looking for a new job
Make changes slowly so they stick
And most importantly DO NOT be too hard on yourself! You are valuable as you are.

This thread has started well - very positive with sensible suggestions - hope it helps OP

Thank you all. Meant to go for a swim this morning but couldn't face it.
I've drank more water today, wore a bit of lipstick for my walk but I just feel so exhausted and low.