Where do I start when everything in life needs changing?

[Feelinglow2026]

I am at the stage where major changes are needed but it all seems too much. In summary:

1. I am 6 stone overweight. I do a lot of walking but very little other exercise. I used to be pretty sporty and miss being competitive. Im struggling with joint pain and easy mobility now.
2. I live rurally and will find it hard to move due to elderly parents to care for although this care is currently minimal (will get more over coming years i think).
3. Due to rural living, im horrifically lonely but crave both peace and quiet and a busy life full of people. I am full of contradictions. I have no local friends, just a few acquaintances who I rarely see.
4. I am highly likely autistic but do not want a diagnosis as I love travel and feel that the world is increasingly against anyone with differences. I doubt it'll be long before places like America don't want neurodiverse people visiting.
5. I work remotely which doesn't help. I've been looking for alternatives for some time. I feel like im at the beck n call at work and hate it.
6. I jump from hobby to hobby, job to job with no staying power.
7. Im a procrastinstor and often spend days just watching TV series. Im decisioned out/burnt out and get to the end of the day hating that I've done nothing.
8. I've never had a longterm relationship and im past child bearing age.
9. Im depressed but don't want medication. It hasn't helped much before.

10. I worry about retirement with little money and only 9k saved and a small pension. I have no partner's pension as a backup. I spend far too much money on food and not enough on fun. If I book something fun I often back out. 11. I'm not doing self care. I'm ugly as I'm fat, wear awful clothes because they're comfy, have wrinkles galore, my hair is scruffy despite a recent cut, my skin looks pale and lacks any glow. My whole body hurts. 12. I really struggle socially.

Where the heck do I start?

Get a diagnosis and apply for PIP. That would give you extra funds.

2 and 8 you can't do much about, so don't start there.

As for 4, does it really matter? You sound very aware so do you need a diagnosis?

Similarly 7 doesn't matter. If that's what you feel like doing, just do it. You can come to this point later if it still bothers you. For now, let yourself off the hook.

The rest you can work on slowly, and that should help with 9 over time, as well as 11, though much of 11 isn't worth stressing over op. Everyone gets wrinkles and if you are not social the clothes really don't matter.

As for the hurting in 11, I think maybe start with 1 and try to kill two birds with one stone - the weight/ fitness and the bodily discomfort.

Next to start on is 5: new job. This may help with 6 as well, as finding the right job may stop you jumping about. Don't worry about changing hobbies.

12 and 3 are more complicated. Come back to them once you have tackled 1 and 5.

Weight loss injections. Seriously.

Once your weight is a bit lower, look at Couch To 5k. Keep your stride short and aim for a midsole or toe strike, regardless of what Laura the Couch To 5k podcast coach says. Long strides and heel striking are the quickest route to injuryville, for both knees and achilles tendons.

I am highly likely autistic but do not want a diagnosis as I love travel and feel that the world is increasingly against anyone with differences. I doubt it'll be long before places like America don't want neurodiverse people visiting.

If a country discriminates against autistic visitors, do you really want to go there? I wouldn't, for the same reason that I won't go anywhere that discriminates against gays and lesbians or bars women from driving.

Getting diagnosed was life-changing in a good way, if only because it unlocked Access To Work funding for helpful stuff at work.

This was my thought also.

you have a lot on your list, it’s too much to try and sort through all at once. Can you maybe pick 3 out of our your list that you can practical work on over the course of the next 3/4 weeks? With change, it is often the smallest of changes done with consistency that work far better than attempting an overhaul. Some light suggestions to begin with:

a 20 min morning walk, before work or lunch break then again after your evening meal. Eat evening meal before 7pm.

1L water intake during the day (to build up to 2L) you might be surprised as to how much this keeps your appetite at bay. Often hunger is confused with low level thirst and a couple pints of water will fill the void plus protein mix or good snacks for the afternoon.

how is your sleep? If it’s terrible then it makes everything else during the day a lot harder.

I know everyone harps on about consistency but it is so telling. I did sport competitively for ten years, it was drilled into me. Went and did a whole bunch of activities and new hobbies and had fun, some I have kept up, but when I need to shift some weight or just feel better mentally, I always go back to 2/3 times a week doing the exact same routine for 4 weeks and it works.

I don't need PIP

I don't need access to work funding or adjustments at work.

What has really worked for me is discovering Buddhism. I borrowed a book Buddha in Your Mirror, read it out of curiosity, applied a few principles, quickly saw the results and naturally just went from there. The book is available on Amazon with really good reviews

There are surprising numbers of practising Buddhists in the UK. To get in touch with someone locally search SGI-UK website.

All Buddhist meetings and activities organised by SGI-UK are free to guests. You only start contributing once you become a member.

Do you have a garden or access to an allotment? Do you like animals? Growing my own food has changed my eating drastically and having a dog has lifted my spirits and levelled my mood over the last few years. I think what you are putting into your body massively impacts your life as a menopausal and post menopausal woman. And a dog takes you into living and enjoying the moment much more. Being in tune with the seasons and sharing produce helps too.

You sound lovely but you’re blocking something positive and turning away from the change you need and want.

Is there a parkrun near you? They are always looking for volunteers to marshal it’s no commitment accept a few days before hand saying your available and you can be free from 8.30-10am ish on a Sat morning. Often a lovely community vibe & coffee after. You can also walk parkrun you don’t have to run if you wanted to take part it’s all free.

I read something online yesterday about how to improve your life in the last four months of 2026.

Pick a number 1-10 for these aspects of your life - health, relationships, career, finances, confidence, personal growth, fun. Pick the two lowest areas and set one goal for each that is measurable. Turn each goal into a weekly action and choose three things to do daily to reach your goal. Track what you do and on a Sunday review your week. It might suit you to just focus on a couple of things.

I did it quickly myself. Health and fun were my lowest numbers. It prompted me to go to an exercise class yesterday as I was complaining it was too hot to go but I did it and felt pleased with myself. I am going to try to go every week now. Just a small move in the right direction.

Is there a Slimming World group near you?
All ways of losing weight get bad press but I’m thinking you need to meet people, get out of the house and start feeling more positive.
I did SW for 18 months, lost 4 stone, and another valuable thing it gave me was insight into others who have worse problems than me. It felt so good to share with others who have the same struggle with weight.
I also work remotely and it can be very lonely and depressing, even when the work itself is generally fun and interesting.
I agree with looking on YouTube for some dance or exercise videos you can do. Focus on finding something you enjoy, quiet that voice in your head that’s putting you down. But also try and address your isolation.
You are a good and decent person. You deserve to be happy and to feel good in your body. Treat yourself well because you deserve it.

How come you work remotely?

Remote working destroys my MH and makes me put on weight.

I think you’re in a vicious cycle as you’re probably a bit depressed and that makes you gain weight/struggle to lose it.

I have a very busy in person job, I am surrounded by people and I love it. Then I come home to my little quiet safe space and it’s the perfect blend.
Most of the good friends I’ve made as an adult have been through work too.

I assume you drive - if so I’d focus purely on getting a new job (hybrid or fully in person) and weight loss.

Exercise for your MH but not to lose weight.

I lost weight by:
*Going to bed as early as possible and reading - if you’re in bed or asleep you’re not snacking.
*Going for walks for your MH - if you’re walking you’re not eating and the fresh air and getting out of the house helped with my MH.
*Reducing carbs, upping protein and having similar meals every day - I’d typically eat scrambled eggs on toast for breakfast and then lunch dinner were protein and veg/salad
*Track what you’re eating especially snacks - my snacks were things like sugar free jelly, ice poles etc (I have a sweet tooth) all things that took a while to eat but were low calorie.

I would try really hard over the next 2 months to lose a stone - that’s 6lbs a month, less than 2lbs a week.

You say you’re 6 stone overweight but most people look better a stone or 2 overweight and so you’ll probably find that you only need to lose 4stone to feel much happier.

Losing weight alongside applying for other jobs will give you so much more confidence.
And the rest of the weight loss will become a lot easier once you’re working in person.

Definitely not for me but thanks for the suggestion. Religion is a big no for me.

Thank you. I will have a look at what I can do in my garden.

My workplace is fully remote. They no longer have offices. I am job hunting.

One thing at a time. Write a list
1, Exercise on YouTube - Thai Chi walking to start then find someone who does light weights.
2.Go out for a 20min walk most days
3.Is there any local exercise class you can join weekly - will get you out,
4.Post on Facebook to see if there are any other women who would like to walk once a week.
5.Someone mentioned parkrun - brilliant you can walk and volunteer.

One small change at a time.

Your root problem is that you are socially isolated. Loneliness is a killer. It has worst health outcomes than smoking. Mentally and emotionally it slowly corrodes you, your thoughts become negative, you become depressed and you develop self destructive habits and behaviours, as you have.

This is what you need to address, as once you are less isolated and your mental state improves, you will feel more able to tackle the other issues.

If your autism is a barrier then do research on how to manage social relationships as an autistic person. Chat GPT or similar can be a good resource.

Join whatever there is to join locally. Maybe even use a village facebook page to ask what is going on that you can join. Think about moving to somewhere with more going on. You cannot put your own life on hold for potentially decades because of your parents.

My advice is that your plan needs to focus first and foremost on getting more social contact into your life.

BTW an autistic diagnosis is NOT a barrier to travel. You are consuming false news reels if you believe that, and they will be increasing your negative feelings. Get off that media.

Aww well done for thinking about change. I think start with your physical health. From there you can do other things

I'm not saying it's a current barrier but with the way the world is going I can't guarantee that countries run by a certain type of person won't become even more discriminatory. Plus I genuinely don't see what a diagnosis will achieve in my case.

Losing weight might also solve a number of your other problems- if you lost weight you could join a local sports team, which would help with making friends and being part of the community and also give you a chance to be competitive, which you said you miss. It’d also keep you fit and keep the weight off. It’d also make you feel better about yourself and probably motivate you to take care of yourself in other ways. And if you start to feel better about yourself it might motivate you to try dating if a partner is what you want. It will probably help with your depression also, however if your depression is severe I’d try some different antidepressants. I tried loads before finding one that worked for me. I’m on Venlafaxine now and it’s been a godsend. SSRIs never worked for me. If you have time? Volunteering locally somewhere might help with a number of your issues too. Have you considered Mounjaro? I’ve lost 4 stone on it and it’s been life changing. I’m back playing competitive sport, actually enjoy going to the gym and my whole body just feel so much better and I have so much more energy

you have a lot on your list, it’s too much to try and sort through all at once. Can you maybe pick 3 out of our your list that you can practical work on

Exactly this OP - which is why I tried to break it down in my post above.

No-one could tackle all that at once. A couple of them were stresses, but not really ones you could easily alter at this point, so off the list they go!

I have tried to whittle the list down to two things to focus on for now, but you may have a different feeling about which to tackle first.

But the point is, don't overwhelm yourself with feeling you need to attack the lot. Work methodically. Sometimes these things are like a tangle or knot, and you seem to get nowhere at first, but as some strands unravel, others just fall away.

Also, some of your bullets, while I understood where you were coming from, were just being unnecessarily harsh on yourself. It doesn't matter if you have wrinkles, wear comfortable clothes or watch a bit too much tv. You can tackle those sorts of things when feeling more buoyant. Give yourself some space to fall a bit short for now, and reward yourself for the progress you do make.

Losing weight might also solve a number of your other problems- if you lost weight you could join a local sports team, which would help with making friends and being part of the community and also give you a chance to be competitive, which you said you miss. It’d also keep you fit and keep the weight off. It’d also make you feel better about yourself

Yes Op, this is exactly what I was meaning about the tangle loosening almost by itself and self-resolving as more and more strands come free.