Where do I start when everything in life needs changing?

[Feelinglow2026]

I am at the stage where major changes are needed but it all seems too much. In summary:

1. I am 6 stone overweight. I do a lot of walking but very little other exercise. I used to be pretty sporty and miss being competitive. Im struggling with joint pain and easy mobility now.
2. I live rurally and will find it hard to move due to elderly parents to care for although this care is currently minimal (will get more over coming years i think).
3. Due to rural living, im horrifically lonely but crave both peace and quiet and a busy life full of people. I am full of contradictions. I have no local friends, just a few acquaintances who I rarely see.
4. I am highly likely autistic but do not want a diagnosis as I love travel and feel that the world is increasingly against anyone with differences. I doubt it'll be long before places like America don't want neurodiverse people visiting.
5. I work remotely which doesn't help. I've been looking for alternatives for some time. I feel like im at the beck n call at work and hate it.
6. I jump from hobby to hobby, job to job with no staying power.
7. Im a procrastinstor and often spend days just watching TV series. Im decisioned out/burnt out and get to the end of the day hating that I've done nothing.
8. I've never had a longterm relationship and im past child bearing age.
9. Im depressed but don't want medication. It hasn't helped much before.

10. I worry about retirement with little money and only 9k saved and a small pension. I have no partner's pension as a backup. I spend far too much money on food and not enough on fun. If I book something fun I often back out. 11. I'm not doing self care. I'm ugly as I'm fat, wear awful clothes because they're comfy, have wrinkles galore, my hair is scruffy despite a recent cut, my skin looks pale and lacks any glow. My whole body hurts. 12. I really struggle socially.

Where the heck do I start?

Thank you so much everyone

I think when you're in a fug like this, a change of scene can work miracles. Can you book somewhere cheap for as long as possible? A caravan for 3 weeks? Or 2 caravans in 2 different locations? It helps so so much to get a fresh perspective and lift you out of the rut.

I thought that would help but I've been away twice in recent weeks and I feel no different.

Have you considered an ADHD diagnosis to access then medication for this. Multiple things in your OP suggest inattentive adhd to me. For me WLJ did work but only with a focus on eating higher protein, more veg, exercise daily and counting every calorie. My DD started stimulant meds for adhd it’s really interesting it’s like a switch goes off in her mind 30-40mins are taking them. Side effect is reduced appetite for grazing/snacking for that dopamine hit. Do look at the inattentive type it’s not just naughty boys who can’t sit still and is so so misdiagnosed in females. Good luck making small changes anything will help.

Really interesting - what stands out as ADHD from my posts. I've only really ever considered ASD so I'm intrigued by this.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nUPQImuDUng&ra=m

great podcast which explains ADHD in women. I’d never considered I had it until this, but now I’m pretty convinced I have. I’m not intending to get a diagnosis personally atm but understanding why I act in certain ways will definitely help me moving forwards.

My DD was diagnosed ASD first then 3 years later adhd. Lots of things you said resonated. The struggling to stick at jobs, no staying power, the craving people / company but then overwhelmed, the overeating - it’s often dopamine seeking. Do have a read up it took me until my 40s to go ooh yes and then I could see it very clearly in my DD. Honestly it’s been life changing for her in her teenage years. The WLJ for me worked like the adhd meds work for her it’s a chemical imbalance once that’s triggered then it’s So so much easier to work on the lifestyle things your struggling with.

Thanks. I'll do a bit of research.

Another vote for ADHD. I am diagnosed and share a lot of these traits.
Im not sure what you mean about countries eg US not welcoming neurodivergent people? How would they know ?

I don't imagine it will be long for some countries like that asking for declarations of conditions on visa/ESTA applications.

Plus I honestly don't see how a diagnosis will change things. I'll still be me.

Are you entitled to help from NHS with weight loss medication? This would help in many of the areas where you’re struggling.

could you find it yourself if you’re not eligible?

as one who lost 6stone these last 2 years, my life is transformed. Mobility, mood, overall energy

I have friends too who said they were far more hireable having lost the weight

yeah I know it shouldn’t make a difference, but it does.

the fact that you put this as your number one, seems to me to be one that you can do something about, one that does really impact on many areas of your life, so might be a good one to start with.

you can fix a lot of things but it’s easier to start with one thing at a time

you can change your life.

I’ve started very basic line dancing once a week for an hour. It’s fun no one judges if you go wrong but you are moving

I'm not eligible for NHS funded weightless meds and I can't afford to self fund (plus wouldn't want to as it didn't work previously).

I agree ADHD jumped out at me too.

It doesn’t change anything, you don’t need to change, but it could help you understand yourself better and access tailored therapy/support and medication.

You sound really lovely OP, and I think for me needing to change a lot of things at once leads me to changing nothing at all and then getting mad at myself about it.

What do you like about yourself? What do you enjoy doing?

Start with self love, make it a thing you research and maybe think of seeking therapy with a therapist that understands neurodiversity. Once you control the depression and seek joy in life the rest is easier to tackle. Slimming world is a good way to lose weight. or calorie count but its more hassle.

Awww thank you. I like that I'm a decent person. I care. I'm perceptive. I'm intelligent and spot things others miss.

As for things I like, I'm not 100% as many things I'd like to do aren't doable in a rural area or without a group. I do a lot solo but somethings need others. I guess I like things like board games, reading, swimming, cinema, theatre, sports like tennis or badminton, nice views, travelling, meals out.

Really affordable things you can try
for inflammation

• nettle or mint tea, ginger or turmeric capsules
• appetite and digestion - psylium husk or soaked chia or ground flax
• for both, Dr. Brooke Goldner has a hyper nourishing protocol that can help with pain and energy
• B, C and D vitamins

Outdoor time and activity. Try to do 5 min outdoors twice a day. Longer is better. The activity can be outdoors or indoors. Both of these help mood energy and sleep

Maybe join classes at a gym, that's a safe way to get fit and make friends if you want. As for a relationship, there's no reason you can't meet someone. Try some different hobbies you'd not usually do. There are free courses with our council about healthy lifestyles, maybe see what is avialable around you. If you want a child, you could maybe look into adoption-I'm not sure about any age rules.

I’m not sure how rural you are, but are there any of the following local to you?

Book clubs
Tennis/badminton clubs
A local college? Mine does free adult evening classes, maybe something like cooking?

Please still do those things you enjoy alone where possible, such as going to the cinema. Working from home is lonely in itself, getting out of the house and doing something you enjoy can really help.

But some people’s lives are changed by meds.
If you don’t choose to be medicated , a diagnosis explains a lot about you.

This was ME to a tee five years ago

You cant outtalk a bad diet - that's where you start - with your diet.

I knew I couldn't do it myself, I joined SW, been a great support tbh. I too live very rural and having a ' Club" to go to once a week I soon made friends, some causal , some I go for a coffee with, others nights out . But I also lost weight and have kept it off

Like yourself Im ND and until March I was carer to my parents the past 20 years. A lot of those 20 years I was low level depressed , due to circumstances I had no control over - where I lived/ caring duties. Gaining control over my weight started the mood lift, and that increased the energy

As I got fitter I upped the walking and started doing local charity walks , just the wee local ones where it was just an entry fee, then I did a McMillan half marathon, climbed a mountain for a programme that was on the BBC, and then did a full marathon ( hike ) and started park run - I walk - loads of walkers at Park run and you will never ever be last

All these events, you get talking to people - everyone is there for the same reason and more then likely have a lot in common with everyone else , and the more you do, the more you meet the same people and coffees are had and future adventures are had - with like minded people who become friends

The jumping from hobby to hobby is such a ND trait - I have thousands of pounds spent over the years on crafts - all sat here boxed, waiting for me to get it together enough to say goodbye and sell it on to someone who will use it.

I can and often do lose a day in front of a box set so I now set timers . My day for example is away for work at 5;30am, home at 10am, toilet and change of clothes - dog walked - home for 11;30 and a cup of coffee. This is when it gets naughty. I have to set a 30 min timer then, else that's it, next thing I know it's 3pm and the dog wants out again. So I set the timer, then go do the chores - 30 mins when keeping on top of things, quick shower and away to the town if need be or get some batch cooking done or sorting a drawer or cupboard or just going out on my bike or for a drive or walk

My life is no way perfect at the moment, but its manageable and whilst its manageable Im not exhausted and because Im not exhausted I find I do want to accept invites - and I accept anything

Ive just now started a gym ( Im 62 and been putting it off for years ) A private gym, women only , run by women, small classes with a full on 60 min programme - and Im loving it. Not stood there looking on and wondering where to start/what to do, there is an instructor and she's there checking you are working correctly and working in groups of 3 or 4 - you have women to talk to, to encourage you - and you them - and before you know it - another circle of friends

I have found that as Ive gotten older, I no longer mask so much. I have a handful of good friends who know Im ND and accept me as I am . and one or 3 of them are on the spectrum themselves

You are probably reaching some of the best years of your life believe it or not , as long as you start putting yourself in the picture . Dont give up on yourself

Not one single diagnoses I have had has made any difference , apart from to me

Every one of them has explained a bit of why I am how I am and instead of me thinking Im wrong, they are right, I now think Im right as well

I know I dont have to apologise , I know I dont have to keep quiet because I dont see what they see , that I can say my truth so to speak and its ok if my views/ideas dont fit theirs

1.) read the book intuitive eating. Keep walking. Find a you tube exercise video (weights, dancing, stretching or whatever looks like you wouldn’t mind it) and commit to doing it 3 times a week.

3.) find a group that meets regularly. A book club, a woman’s group etc. Try to reconnect with acquaintances and see if you enjoy their company enough to try to see them more regularly.

4.) write a list of possible pros of exploring this and then reconsider if ruling it out on the basis that something might happen is the right decision for you.

7.) set yourself one daily target a day to give you a sense of achievement. Try a new recipe. Do an exercise video. Read for half an hour etc.

9.) explore if the nhs offer talking therapies (that’s what it’s called so google talking therapies and nhs) in your area.

10.) journal around what’s prompting you to back out of the fun plans you make and make a plan of how to overcome it.

11.) read the book overcoming low self esteem. Set yourself some achievable self care tasks. Small goals to start - using a moisturiser every day, then you can branch out in to bigger challenges, like trying a new style of outfit or booking yourself in for a hair appointment with someone talented.

and finally - don’t try to do everything all at once. Pick one thing to target, perhaps in the area you feel is making you most unhappy, in September and start from there.

I think you need to be around people more. You lose yourself without it. Once you are , you'll feel more alive and have the motivation to start tackling the other stuff.

I volunteer at a local cemetery which is welcoming, mostly educated and interesting retirees (I'm not), and everyone just does the jobs that interest them, with or without others, and then comes together for a cup of tea. Something like this, low demand but regular and around others, could be a good start. I also make sure I hang out with school mums at the park a couple of times a week. To say I enjoy it would bd a bit strong but it forces me to be more connected and they are nice people. Can you think of something low demand like that ehere you are together by circumstances more than needing a strong connection?

Could you check in with a parent to 'life coach' you into it? I had an actual life coach who used me to complete her training. She got me partially out of a similar fug by helping motivate me to volunteer and then to start a business. She was so helpful at pushing me and helping me believe in myself a bit more.