Where do I start when everything in life needs changing?

[Feelinglow2026]

I am at the stage where major changes are needed but it all seems too much. In summary:

1. I am 6 stone overweight. I do a lot of walking but very little other exercise. I used to be pretty sporty and miss being competitive. Im struggling with joint pain and easy mobility now.
2. I live rurally and will find it hard to move due to elderly parents to care for although this care is currently minimal (will get more over coming years i think).
3. Due to rural living, im horrifically lonely but crave both peace and quiet and a busy life full of people. I am full of contradictions. I have no local friends, just a few acquaintances who I rarely see.
4. I am highly likely autistic but do not want a diagnosis as I love travel and feel that the world is increasingly against anyone with differences. I doubt it'll be long before places like America don't want neurodiverse people visiting.
5. I work remotely which doesn't help. I've been looking for alternatives for some time. I feel like im at the beck n call at work and hate it.
6. I jump from hobby to hobby, job to job with no staying power.
7. Im a procrastinstor and often spend days just watching TV series. Im decisioned out/burnt out and get to the end of the day hating that I've done nothing.
8. I've never had a longterm relationship and im past child bearing age.
9. Im depressed but don't want medication. It hasn't helped much before.

10. I worry about retirement with little money and only 9k saved and a small pension. I have no partner's pension as a backup. I spend far too much money on food and not enough on fun. If I book something fun I often back out. 11. I'm not doing self care. I'm ugly as I'm fat, wear awful clothes because they're comfy, have wrinkles galore, my hair is scruffy despite a recent cut, my skin looks pale and lacks any glow. My whole body hurts. 12. I really struggle socially.

Where the heck do I start?

But it's a start! If a single day was enough to transform a life, we'd all be instantly happy.

This week water and lipstick. Next week another small change.

Do you like yourself?

Id start there and start small.
Little things to show that you care about yourself. Little rituals and routines. It's hard ti jump into big changes, so change something Little and go from there.

Yes I do like myself. I'm a decent human being.

havent read through all the comments, but for what it’s worth I’d start with the job.

Working remotely works for some people but can be awful for most people’s mental health and well being.

id try and find work that sociable and also involves physical movement as opposed to sitting at a desk. Supermarket work, bar / restaurant/ cafe work etc.

You’d exercise your body and meet new people, have options for a social life.

Good luck

I was wondering when you last visited a GP, because you may moving towards the risk of Type 2 diabetes. Perhaps it might be worth asking if they can do a blood test to find out, and they can check your cholesterol levels as well. They may also give you information about eating habits and lifestyle changes. It's not like a 'normal' calorie-controlled diet / exercise regime. Our GP surgery runs something called a diabetes prevention programme which I went on, and it was great.

My first thing would find some way to interact with others

OP I’m so sorry everything feels so insurmountable. I think the fact that you are confronting it is amazing! A lot of people feel like this and it feels too much to tackle it so the fact that you are willing to is a great start.
could you do any volunteering either locally or even telephone befriending from your own home. One thing that has massively helped me over the years is doing the 3 good things about me today and 3 things I’m grateful for. I do it in my head before i go to bed, I used to find it really difficult when I started and had to think of things like I brushed my teeth, I didn’t commit arson but I think by doing it over the years it’s helped turn my mindset around.

How about joining a slimming club, that would help with weight and they are quite sociable if u want some interaction- nothing too serious. In fact, i met one of my best mates at Weight Watchers. We have known each other years. We go on holiday together. I didn't have a relationship till I was 45. I've had 2 so far. Am currently single.

Water, walk and lipstick. 3 wins! Well done

Did you get to the higher amount so 12 mg / 15 mg
It only properly started working for me then
I also calorie count using NHS weight loss app

I feel for you. This was me post-menopausal. Whilst I’ve still not solved the weight issue I have turned most everything else around and am much more content.
That said, I am retired but do volunteer in three different roles (four sometimes) which keep me engaged with others. That’s important, acquaintances mean a lot, as it can get a bit intense trying to befriend people straight off. Is there anywhere you could give a couple of hours too on a non- work day?
I would try and eat well. Online shopping is good as you can double check what’s in your basket and chuck out the less desirable. But do have something occasionally, we need the reward!
Look to buy something as often as you can afford it. A dress or something from Vinted for a fiver can give you a boost. A new shampoo. Whatever.
Some of the above posts offer advice - perfectly good advice - as almost a tick list for improvement. Don’t do too much at once, you can only change as you’re ready to change.
Take care.

I agree with PP. Start with small steps. Focusing on your diet and exercise will massively improve your mental wellbeing. You have to be strict with yourself and think of why you're doing it. Once you're in a routine with that, you'll be in a better headspace to tackle the next thing.

Exercise you can build up slowly. Go out for short walks every day. Even better, go before work as soon as you wake up. You won't have time to talk yourself out of it and you'll have achieved something before most people have got out of bed. If it's achievable at first (e.g. a five minute walk round the block) you're more likely to do it. You may even feel like walking for longer.

^ This is a great post; sensible and do-able!

Op I I know that jobs aren’t easy to come by in rural areas but if you could get a very pt role in a village shop, farm shop, a garden centre or plant nursery, animal shelter, kennels, tourist centre, you could make some extra money, get to know more locals, move more, and you are away from the fridge and food temptations, even if it’s just a couple of hours a week, or even volunteering.

Although it would be hard and sounds counter-intuitive when you are already overwhelmed, it could give you more structure and solve quite a few things at once.

If that sounds physically a bit too much atm then I would start at the gps and focus on one or two things; health, weight loss, mindset. Very gradually and slowly and build up with a bit of exercise. A lot of surgeries have programmes you can join now. And some support therapy generally for ND struggles might help?

In terms of loneliness, is there a local choir near you?

Or could you acquire an animal if you like them? Animals tend to bring good people in to your life.

Leslie Sansome on YT is good for upping your steps.

And there are lots of trainers on YT who specialise in people who haven’t exercised in a while and build up slowly.

I think many more women than admit to it, feel how you do post-meno, especially when responsible for elderly parents. They just aren’t as honest as you. And btw meno can make ND traits more pronounced so please don’t blame yourself. You are wired differently that’s all. I don’t have any medical qualifications at all but I have a dd with asd and the contradictions you describe could fit au-adhd so it might not be a waste of time putting yourself down for an assessment?

As for procrastination, time-blocking and advance planning help my ND daughter. Get yourself a daily planner with times on it, and on a Sunday, mark out your priorities for the week ahead. Every day block out two hours for your priority that day and stick to it. Build in exercise and meal prep. Things don’t drag on and become boring if you encase them in a block of time, in fact you get them done quicker bc you have to stop on time too.

Remember to block in time for leisure and fun too. Just a suggestion but maybe you could give yourself one or two half days which you keep for yourself; say a Tuesday and Sunday afternoon when you can give yourself permission to isolate, bed rot, do something fun or creative, read and watch tv, and those protected periods of down time, might give you more strength for the rest of the week? It would be something to look forward to as well.

HTH, you sound like a really good person to me, very honest, with good insight in to what needs to be done but you perhaps need support with the executive functioning side of it. With that I think it helps to know that any small step forward however tiny is better than nothing and motivation comes from tiny steps. Also that you deserve a nicer life with less struggle.

GL 💐💐💐

Start with yourself, being gentle, one small and sustainable step at a time. Perhaps one change a month?

Ten minute walk a day - could you manage that with joint pain? Fresh air/sunshine would be good but not everywhere has somewhere nice to walk. How about a walking mill while you watch your favourite TV. Or listen to an audiobook or music. Then build up gradually to half an hour, an hour if you can.

Food - whatever you eat now, add some easy veg to it. Celery sticks, cucumber sticks, carrots, cherry tomatoes, cauli & broccoli florets in a bag, steamed in a microwave. A piece of fruit or heated up frozen berries with breakfast.

Sleep - consistent getting up and bedtimes. Make a nice routine before bed - I sit on the bed and massage my feet with foot creme with a bit of essential oil in while listening to an audiobook. Even if you don't sleep well tell yourself this is your time just for you until morning and you don't have to think about or worry about anything or anyone else. If thoughts or worries arise, make a note and say you'll think about that the next day.

Sorry I missed that you do a lot of walking. That's great. Might you enjoy a restorative yoga class? Could help with mindset/peace of mind/headspace.

There is some gentle free yoga online. I'd recommend Adrienne.

Give yourself a hug and say you are the nicest person you know. This is very true because you are. That is your beginning and you can go on from there.

No more negatives.

You want something to eat? Lay the table a beautifully as you can. Use your favourite glass with water in. Make it really nice and special within your budget and sit down to eat. Savour every mouthful slowly (do not make a big plateful, use a slightly smaller plate and leave gaps). Stop when you feel a very little bit satisfied. From now on only eat if you are really hungry and use the same method.

Stand up and do a little dance/wobble to a song you like or put some music on.

Enjoy what you can and your life will improve.

Oh i had forgotten how amazing a choir is for lifting you. This is a great idea.

I'm currently on one of these pre-diabetic programmes - its been a really useful look at all the factors that make people at risk of type 2 - and is very inclusive and supportive all round. I was sent on it because my blood sugar was too high, although still in pre-diabetic range. So, yup, I'd suggest a quick visit to the GPs to see if they can offer support

Go for the easier wins first. They will still need effort, but one that you could do that ticks off several boxes at once is go to the pool.

You're outside in daylight to get there.
You get to move in cool, supportive water for x minutes, which gives you some respite from the effort of carrying your sore body around, cools angry joints and muscles and means nobody can summon you for attention whilst you're in there.
You're outside in daylight to get home.
You've done something purely for your benefit.
It might help you with the feeling trapped and stuck, as you've been paralysed by everything overwhelming, unable to fight or flight - but your body feels the movement and interprets it as you've got away from the awkward situation/feelings.
You've done it once. You've achieved it.

That's 9 wins in one.

You might feel that a 'reward' for that achievement is to eat something that is lighter, brightly coloured and feels 'healthy', rather than something very high in energy and flavours but is not actually satisfying. Still eating more than you require when taking WLI suggests it's not physical hunger but emotional hunger or you wanting to calm your system down and distract away from uncomfortable feelings with the sensation of carbs/fat/sugar/just physically eating. They may become a possibility again in the future, particularly as the oral medications are now available and are cheaper, but if not, that's fine, they aren't right for everybody.

"Where the heck do I start?"

@Feelinglow2026 You already did. You started this thread yesterday evening, and that was a great first step forward. Be proud of yourself for doing that.

I'm definitely job hunting. No luck so far. Will keep going.

I'm well monitored due to a health condition. I don't have diabetes but do have slightly raised cholesterol.

I have been to slimming world a few times and hated it. Will think it through though.

No I got to 7.5 because it became unaffordable and it wasn't working. The higher doses were crazily expensive.

Thank you so much