AIBU to feel upset that DH's birthday trip excludes me and the kids

[Yomuma]

As a birthday present a couple of moniths back, a family member bought DH a voucher for a fun group activity. It is for 8 people,and involves a weekend away. We planned to take our 2 teens and invite 4 others, either friends or family, we hadn't decided yet. Kids were excited to go. Then today the family member sends a message on a group family chat inviting 3 of DHs cousins (who DH rarely sees) and their partners to go with them and DH. No invite for me or the kids. They have all accepted, so no places left - so now I need to tell the kids they arent going after all.
AIBU to think it is a bit rude to buy someone a voucher, then just invite people and not invite his wife or kids without even checking first?
Even if the invite had gone to just the 3 cousins, not their partners, that would leave 3 spots for me and the kids. For context, DH and the family member have met the partners once at a funeral. Just feels a bit hurtful. We have been married for 16 years. DH doesnt want any drama so will go with the flow, but agrees it is all quite odd.
We are seeing this family member this weekend, not sure if to say anything? Even just a sarcastic "thanks for the invite" type comment.

It's pattern recognition. If I have seen people behave like this several times when they feel someone is being suffocated in some sense, then I can only assume when I hear of this human reacting like that, it is for similar reasons. Probably was a family plan to get some space for the husband and check in on him.

What exactly was the gift? Was it a voucher for the whole experience, 8 people and an overnight stay?

Or was it an invitation to join as one of the 8 people? Because that’s the only way this would be normal behaviour.

If it was the first option; you and your husband need to speak up for yourselves and stop being ridiculously passive.

It isnt that I don't like him. It's that he is abusive to my cousin and her self esteem is too shattered to leave him. So for now, we try to sneak ways to get her alone with us so she can have a break from him and we get to see her away from his toxic influence.

Why are you letting them dictate who's going? Message back and say you and the dc are going, have they bought another voucher?

He absolutely shouldn't stand for that. One of you needs to respond in the grouo chat saying 'We've already booked as a family to use the voucher so there are no places left, sorry for any confusion.'
A gift is a gift... they can't dictate how it's used!

Your husband not wanting to cause any drama would cause a major issue for me if my husband did the same. He is willing to leave you out AND his children to avoid confrontation? Erm, I don’t think so! Why would he go do an activity with his cousins and their partners whilst leaving you at home?
He needs to speak up. Or he wants to leave you out and you have bigger problems than a weird controlling gift giver!

I think your husband needs to let the family member know that he has included you and the kids already. Also weird to invite the cousins partners but not you.

So you’re assuming the OP is abusive based on your experience? You shouldn’t do that!

I'm assuming that for whatever reason, the gift was intended for husband to have time away from his family.

Ok but you’d check that before choosing to invite. Maybe he did want to do it with friends rather than his family in which case he might have had some lined up who now can’t go

Then it’s not a gift for Dh is it?

I literally do not understand OP why you wouldnt have just text this?? It isnt rude to point out you've already made plans?

This totally! Or say sorry we’ve already used the voucher and book asap x

Which is very unpleasant and controlling. As the majority of posters have said.

Was he actually given the voucher that states it's for 8 people or a copy of the description?
Bearing in mind some other threads recently where there are family group chats etc are you definitely sure this isn't something DH has agreed to without you knowing or him reading the chat properly. E.g. his mum says for your birthday I am getting you a ticket for a rafting experience. The same voucher is being bought for cousins so you can all go together.

Is there any chance this is a DH issue in that he just opened the card and voucher and hadn't looked at all the details?

All that your dh needs to do is clarify with the gift giver whether thr present was one voucher or eight because OP and dcs were expecting to go.

Was your husband given the voucher? If not perhaps there was a misunderstanding and he was just given one place. However, still out of order and very rude not to have invited you as well, given other partners invited. If he was given the voucher then he needs to speak up and say four places already allocated.

That depends on why they feel that is necessary.

This is weird so I would reply as others have suggested saying you’d already planned to take the kids (of course you assumed you as his partner would be going). Hopefully it’s just thoughtfulness on behalf of the gift giver.

Except the cousins are bringing their partners too - but it would be unthinkable for the man whose birthday it is to be able to do the same?

C'mon now OP, you and your DH are being ridiculous
'sorry guys, the kids and Yomuma are excited about joining me on this so I' ll catch up with you another time. '

Why would their partners need to be excluded if they are part of the family and friend group?

It's a muddle between DH and his relative. He needs to say in the group chat that he believed the voucher was a gift and has planned to go with his immediate family and a few friends.

Your DH need to speak directly to the gift giver. No need for sarcasm but just clear communication.

Why would they be part of the family group, but the gift recipient’s wife not?