AIBU to feel upset that DH's birthday trip excludes me and the kids

[Yomuma]

As a birthday present a couple of moniths back, a family member bought DH a voucher for a fun group activity. It is for 8 people,and involves a weekend away. We planned to take our 2 teens and invite 4 others, either friends or family, we hadn't decided yet. Kids were excited to go. Then today the family member sends a message on a group family chat inviting 3 of DHs cousins (who DH rarely sees) and their partners to go with them and DH. No invite for me or the kids. They have all accepted, so no places left - so now I need to tell the kids they arent going after all.
AIBU to think it is a bit rude to buy someone a voucher, then just invite people and not invite his wife or kids without even checking first?
Even if the invite had gone to just the 3 cousins, not their partners, that would leave 3 spots for me and the kids. For context, DH and the family member have met the partners once at a funeral. Just feels a bit hurtful. We have been married for 16 years. DH doesnt want any drama so will go with the flow, but agrees it is all quite odd.
We are seeing this family member this weekend, not sure if to say anything? Even just a sarcastic "thanks for the invite" type comment.

But why are you blaming OP and DH as causing drama?

Do you give gifts with reservation? You give your sister a pair of earrings but then say, but I’ll be wearing them twice a week?

If you give a gift, the recipient uses the gift surely?

And you probably want to ask Mumsnet to move this out of AMA

Well the person gave a gift the parent/s involved the children and now the op is complaining they are upset or however they put it

He needs to send a message saying, great me, op and kids are excited for you to join. Did you get cousins a voucher too? We're using the extra 4 tickets for Xfriedns and Yfriends. Such a great idea.

Quickly invite other friends. You need to use all 8 tickets. Don't let cheeky sod steal any!

It seems like the gift giver thought it would be something your husbsnd uses to socialise with friends and family rather than involve his wife and kids.

There are definitely people in my life who have to be given gifts that they cannot share or give away to their partners or kids. Not because they don't want the gift, but because they feel selfish if they don't always include them in nice things.

Surely it's your DH's voucher so he decides who joins him for this activity? Why is he being so passive and not telling them that he had already invited you and his children?

Who is this family member that bought him the voucher? They seem to be using this 'present' to snub you and your children. What is your relationship like with them? They don't sound like very nice people at all and your DH's loyalty should be to you and his children.

This isn't really a present for your DH. It's a deliberate mechanism to exclude his wife and children.

No friends are invited….just relatives that the DH doesn’t really socialise with.

Just say kids are disappointed they don’t get to go

Exactly the gift giver gave the gift, so why wouldn’t the DH invite who he wanted too?

You’re really missing the point! Why does the gift giver choose who goes!

As my previous post says that’s a gift with reservation.

Are you actually saying the DH shouldn’t have used the gifts he wanted?

Maybe they want to start something up for that exact reason. It was meant to be something that gets him back socialising with his family.

Maybe gift giver can see that husband needs some space...

If that were the case, why didn't they just tell him that his gift was a place on this extended family trip? They obviously gave him the voucher for eight people and he very reasonably assumed that he could invite who he wanted. This sounds like a deliberate dick move on this family member's part.

Oh I see, he a marriage guidance expert the gift giver?

I mean from the small amount of info that OPs posted, she sounds a complete nightmare and the children sound out of control.

Or maybe the gift giver is a controlling nightmare? Has no friends and forces people to attend a social event with them by saying it’s a birthday treat for someone else?

Come on, let’s make up some other unlikely situations.

Its for
DH to stand up here not you. He needs tp say erm hang on a minute would this mean my wife and kids cant come? I dont want to leave anyone out but obviously I want them with me.

Come on, youve been together like 20 years? He needs to step up here for his wife and children. The cousins could come without their partners?

In that case why have it as a gift? Why not just invite the cousins (and there wives, who they don’t need space from apparently), to the event?

Op what's the activity?

The organiser of this is a bit weird. Why invite 3 couples and miss the person they gave it toos wife. I think DH needs to say "Sorry my wife & kids are coming I'm not playing gooseberry with 3 couples while my wife is left at home with our children".

It sounds like someone has decided to organise a family gathering using DH gift. A voucher for 8 people to do an activity couldn't have been cheap.

Oh hang on I’ve dreamt up another scenario! I not gift giver doesn’t seem to have a partner that he is bringing along, maybe he’s jealous of OP and trying to cause issues in the relationship, then they’ll be in the same boat!

So many unrealistic things we could imagine,

Easily resolved as per previous posts. Sorry there’s been a misunderstanding.

We have already booked for us four and another four people. Maybe CF can buy cousins a voucher for Christmas?

Maybe because they didnt think wife and kids would want in on this, too. It would be like someone gifting my hubby one of those car experience thingies, he'd go with his peers (friends, family), not me and the kids.

Obliged him to come. If it was someones else's day out, and wives and kids werent invited, they may know he is very unlikely to come. This is exactly how we'd have to present a gift to my cousin to get her to spend any time away from her shitty partner.

I dont think this is all that unlikely and giving gifts in this way is something I've seen when someone feels guilty about having anything nice for themselves.

Just get your husband to text the family member today (guessing it’s his mum) that he won’t be attending the trip as he wants to spend his birthday with his wife and children. Then do something else.

Your husband is a very weak man for not standing up for his wife and children!

Ah! You’re basing your feelings on your family issues, therefore reading stuff into the post that just isn’t there!

Perhaps don’t give advice when your feelings are so skewed?

Sorry that makes no sense to me, but as I’ve said in previous post, you’re basing your skewed response on the fact you don’t like a family member.

This...
If someone's given you a voucher, it's for you to use how you wish, not to have other random people, especially those you've barely met, imposed, and excluding the persons partner and kids... ie their immediate family!!

I'd do exactly this.

Presumably you're not going to see these partners again apart from at the odd funeral or wedding, and this is an important time for you and your other half and your kids to have fun together.

I'd be really hacked off at this unless it could be reversed!