My in-laws are quite wealthy. They have been very generous with us, but far more with DP siblings because DP constantly turns down their generosity.
They have given us a lot financially in a lump sum for a flat. Now he rejects everything from them. Meanwhile his siblings accept. I don't get involved or offer my opinion but I do sometimes feel that our lives will be so much easier if he accepted. He is just an honourable man.
DP and I are not well off. We are both trying hard to save. We live in a high cost of living area. We run a business that makes decent revenue but poor profit.
Our wedding is coming up early next year and I have been stressed about my dress. I have had an eye on one for years that I knew was too expensive and was looking for a second hand one but it hasn't come up.
DP knows about this but not the specific design as it's a surprise.
I went shopping last week to try on the dress at a store, with secret plans to buy it second hand if it fit. My future MIL came along. I was so taken back by the dress I cried. it was just perfect. Beyond what I had imagined. it is an unusual dress and I couldn't really imagine loving anything else as much. MIL told me her and FIL would love to pay for it. She was beaming. I was so grateful I cried. We met FIL after and I thanked him and he was so happy.
I told DP they had offered that evening and I was on cloud 9 for four days. Looking at pictures. I had never felt so pretty.
But then yesterday I received a message from MIL saying that DP has said he would pay for the dress and to let her know if she should order and ask the money from DP or if I would be ordering.
I was like a deflated balloon. DP told me that he had intervened and declined the gift. He didn't realise I had accepted it and wouldn't have agreed to that. He said that we can pay for the dress if I really want it. The dress is thousands and while we have savings it would take up a huge portion. We're saving for maternity leave as were cash poor and run our own business. From the beginning I knew I would feel sick to my stomach paying that much for a dress due to our financial situation. I knew it wasn't an option, I couldnt enjoy the dress feeling its taking away from my future baby, I couldn't feel good in that dress. So when it was offered as a gift it felt entirely different. I was so excited.
The way I see it is that it wasn't his call to reject the gift. The gift was for me. DP feels I'm being grabby and ungrateful as his parents are generous and I'm taking advantage.
I never asked, they offered. Now I am so upset. He is trying to come up with a compromise where they pay partly but all that magical experience I had has gone completely.
would love an external opinion on this