To think driving is very hyped up?

[Countbinface39]

I recently passed my test at almost 40. It took me 8 attempts, I'd had lessons on and off over the years and resigned myself to not driving. It was a relief to pass, not because I desperately needed to drive but because of the social pressure.
I am glad I have the option and don't have to do it again, I genuinely believed I wasn't cut out for driving.
There's a lot of hyperbole around driving which didn't help. I had people telling me I'd 'finally get my independence' when I passed. I own my own house, lived alone abroad for years, completely financially independent.
Also 'your life will finally start!' I'd like to think it started many years ago! I've never lived in very remote areas so luckily I wasn't heavily reliant on it, I never got lifts. I paid for ubers etc. But that's hardly the same as someone giving you a free lift!
I think a lot of people project their own experience onto you- they're maybe thinking of being 17 and relying on parents to get anywhere.
Driving has certainly given me more options, but it's hardly this magic carpet- still have to pay for the car, insurance, deal with dangerous drivers, parking, traffic etc- people always forget those things!
Someone even said my partner must 'have the upper hand' in our relationship because he had a car, which is ridiculous. People work as a team, you could apply that logic to anything, people who earn more, etc.
Anyway, rant over! I've got myself a cheap little runner that gets me from A to B, that's another thing some people comment on, if it's under 10k,15k, whatever it's going to fall apart the minute you get into it. More nonsense, i think the stress of being the only non-driver got to me, i felt like it was a very normal part of life I'd never get to do, but I'm glad I've got it.

I mean sure, everyone's got the perfect idealistic plan until they actually have to do it 🤣

God yeah.

I live rurally and drive a lot for work nowadays- one of my jobs is in fact a driving job, that I had to get a private hire licence for.

I've posted my breakdown woes upthread.

I'm off to Brighton to see Nick Cave at the end of the month, and to my delight I found the train fare isn't much more expensive than the diesel would be (once I did a fair bit of messing around on the ticket splitting sites, to be fair). I'm looking forward to the sheer relaxation of sitting on the train, music on my headphones, maybe even having a couple of glasses of wine, zoning out with my book so much. Now that's freedom.

Cool, that’s lovely for you.

I like going to places that aren’t accessible by public transport and where Uber doesn’t operate. Being able to drive gives me the choice to do that. Incidentally, I also like to cycle or use public transport too … driving and other forms of transport aren’t mutually exclusive!

I also have a couple of friends who do drive but don’t own cars as they would very rarely have need for one. They hire a car on the occasions that they do - again, it’s freeing to have the choice.

And I’m just back from a wonderful break in rural Italy where it would have been a right pain in the arse to rely on public transport. I didn’t wish to spend hours of my holiday sitting at bus stops for a bus which only goes by every few hours.

I can absolutely see why that works for you. I’m lucky that my lifestyle doesn’t require it as I would be screwed if it did! On the very odd occasion something not work related comes up, if it isn’t easy to get to, I happily swerve it.

Never going away on holiday (here or abroad) helps too!

Absolutely - clearly you don’t ever need to learn to drive! It’s odd though that the OP seems so convinced that driving is ‘very hyped up’ when it’s a totally normal skill which the majority of UK adults possess which gives them greater choice.

Yes this. My son can drive very well but so far hasn’t been able to get through the test due to anxiety. He’s tried three times so far, the last being nearly 10 years ago. Luckily we all live in towns and cities with good public transport. If he was to move further out no doubt it would be a much bigger issue (although there is always a pushbike as long as he’s fit enough).

I did say earlier on the thread that I wouldn’t pass a test in any case even if I wanted to drive.

Ah, I missed that. In which case the decision is made for you isn’t it.

I still think the OP is odd in thinking that driving is ‘very hyped up’ though. It’s just a skill which enables choices.

I get what she’s saying though. It’s fine if you can and want to do it. But people on MN get really weird about not being able to drive.

No, not about not being able to drive. MN'rs are "weird" because non drivers universally make out that driving isn't necessary, despite the hypocracy of them cadging lifts, and living places where there are good public transport links, level ground for cycling, cycle lanes, etc. They don't appreciate that most of the country isn't like that (in geographical terms) and that public transport is usually crap outside the major cities and larger towns meaning that non drivers often suffer a poorer quality of life in terms of employment, amenities, etc.

What a weird response. Of course the PP is going to focus on herself because whether she needs a car is based on her lifestyle. Just like whether you need one is based on yours.

Nobody is saying that millions of people around the country do not need cars to go about their lives, they are saying they do not understand the vitriol that so many on MN seem to have (like you) for those people who either choose not to, or can’t drive and are perfectly content not to do so. Because their lifestyle is different to yours.

Why would I buy a car I don’t need because you need a car? Make that make sense please.

This is all getting even more bizarre! I suspect the problem the OP has is the people they mix with. They said ‘people chant: driving is freedom, driving is freedom’ at her and that’s it’s almost like a cult and that it had an impact on their mental health. As a driver of 40 plus years, I’d say that’s bonkers behaviour. Most drivers couldn’t give a shiny shit whether other people do it or not (unless they’re cadging lifts!)

Exactly. The only place I see this reaction about driving is on MN. Some drivers on MN seem to view it as a personal insult that others on MN do not (or cannot) drive. Why?!

What pisses me off is people who don’t drive just because they ‘never got around to it’ or it’s ‘too expensive’ but then expect lifts to every social event and make no effort to research the route, traffic or parking situation, then they think offering to buy you a drink is thanks enough. CF.

😆
Well, maybe if I bought huge amounts of heavy goods every day it might equivolate. But that would be a lot more expensive than the gym and I'd have a house that looked like something off 'The Hoarder Next Door' very rapidly!

I sometimes go to the gym on a night too if I want a lie in can't get there in the morning. It's in a dodgy area and if It's dark there's no way I would want to be wandering about and waiting for buses.

My first serious boyfriend to a "T". He was just like that. No health or financial reason why he couldn't learn to drive. He just couldn't be arsed. He basically used me as a free taxi service for him. At first, he'd at least get a bus from his home to mine for a night out and then get the last late bus home again afterwards, but he soon got "bored" of the pubs within walking distance of where I lived, so he started expecting me to go to his, as he preferred his local pubs. Then he started wanting me to drive to other pubs if he came down by bus. Then of course, we got the old, "if we're going by car to the pub anyway, why not come and pick me up", and then he'd start dithering at the end of the evening and conveniently "miss" his last bus home meaning I'd have to drive him home. It was "drip-feeding" week by week, but eventually he virtually stopped using the bus and I was driving us everywhere, with him even wanting me to pick him up in a morning to give him a lift to work. No way, Jose!! I ended up ditching him, as his "neediness" re driving was only one of the ways he was a "taker".

I haven’t seen it but i guess I don’t frequent those threads! Maybe they’re by drivers who’ve experienced non drivers who are sanctimonious about it? Or who want to cadge lifts? Thats just speculation as like I say I haven’t seen it either in real life or on MN.

at the end of the day like I say, I assume the vast majority of drivers just see it as a useful skill which broadens choices. I doubt they care what others do.

I don't give a monkeys whether people do or don't drive, but I do find it annoying when people on MN claim that nobody needs to drive, it's not necessary, unless you're maybe an outer Hebridean farmer - everyone else can get by perfectly fine (by just making everything ten times longer and several times worse)!

Nail on the head.

Who is claiming that nobody needs to drive? Most of the posters on this thread who do not drive have focused on why they don’t need to drive but have certainly not said anything about anybody else.

Whereas a lot of the posters who do drive have given responses that label non-drivers as lazy, stingy, self-serving, lacking independence, stupid or ignorant. It’s very strange.

Yeah like I say, I’ve only ever seen this on MN, not in real life, where nobody (in my social circle anyway) cares whether somebody drives or not!

really? A lot of the posters? Wow

tbh if drivers have been defensive about their choice, it’s likely in response to the weird assertion by the OP that driving doesn’t give a broader choice. And their insistence that if you drive, you’re somehow limited by it, which is clearly bonkers! Being a driver doesn’t deprive me of getting on a train, bus or bike, or walking, when it’s convenient and I choose to do so. On the other hand, being a non driver very obviously deprives one of the choice to drive!

I think in the OP’s case that has probably stemmed from people who have told her that now she can drive she finally has independence and her partner no longer has the upper hand in their relationship. From her point of view I can see how that would have pissed her off as a grown adult.

On a tangentially related note, it reminds me of my great aunt telling me that I need to focus on finding a man and getting married so my life can begin. I was 36 years old at the time!

Erm, that’s not true though. Trains regularly run late or are cancelled. Trains can be dangerously overcrowded ie people standing in the vestibules of the carriages. If buses are full then you have to wait for the next one, which in our area would be an hour. To get to our nearest acute hospital would take at least 2hrs, providing the buses run on time and you don’t miss the connecting bus.
I don’t particularly enjoy driving, but for my work it’s a necessity ….although I wish we had pool cars…