To think driving is very hyped up?

[Countbinface39]

I recently passed my test at almost 40. It took me 8 attempts, I'd had lessons on and off over the years and resigned myself to not driving. It was a relief to pass, not because I desperately needed to drive but because of the social pressure.
I am glad I have the option and don't have to do it again, I genuinely believed I wasn't cut out for driving.
There's a lot of hyperbole around driving which didn't help. I had people telling me I'd 'finally get my independence' when I passed. I own my own house, lived alone abroad for years, completely financially independent.
Also 'your life will finally start!' I'd like to think it started many years ago! I've never lived in very remote areas so luckily I wasn't heavily reliant on it, I never got lifts. I paid for ubers etc. But that's hardly the same as someone giving you a free lift!
I think a lot of people project their own experience onto you- they're maybe thinking of being 17 and relying on parents to get anywhere.
Driving has certainly given me more options, but it's hardly this magic carpet- still have to pay for the car, insurance, deal with dangerous drivers, parking, traffic etc- people always forget those things!
Someone even said my partner must 'have the upper hand' in our relationship because he had a car, which is ridiculous. People work as a team, you could apply that logic to anything, people who earn more, etc.
Anyway, rant over! I've got myself a cheap little runner that gets me from A to B, that's another thing some people comment on, if it's under 10k,15k, whatever it's going to fall apart the minute you get into it. More nonsense, i think the stress of being the only non-driver got to me, i felt like it was a very normal part of life I'd never get to do, but I'm glad I've got it.

I see it as a life skill. It means if I need to rent a van to move something, or want a hire car on holiday to go exploring, I can do. It doesn’t mean I’m obliged to own and maintain a vehicle all year round.

Don't be so arrogant. I've tried it, didn't like it. A bicycle was the ultimate freedom machine for me.

And yet millions of people around the world make it work.

There's a reason that Dutch kids are the happiest children in the world, and the extremely car-dependant Americans are way down at 26th.

Motonomativity. There was a 2023 study on it by Swansea University and UWE.

Well I find it rather annoying when people on MN claim that everyone needs to drive, and that anyone who doesn't must live as a hermit, only leaving the house to "cadge lifts".

Exactly. I live in a nice market town with excellent transport links that get me to work in less than an hour (with the bus going on literally the same road I would need to drive a car on!) I chose this market town precisely because it’s somewhere where you don’t have to drive to have access to all the amenities. And I can’t remember the last time I cadged a lift off anyone.

I mean, I would say deciding on where you live based on local transport links is pretty standard, and is very similar to, say, deciding on where to live based on local schools. But for some reason the former is seen as being incredibly life limiting, sad and indicative of a lack of independence by some MN users. Whereas the latter is seen as being par for the course. I wonder why that is.

I haven’t had to decide where I buy a house based upon how good the local schools are, but have decided based upon how good the local public transport system is. Why is one acceptable and the other not?

My son, when he moved to a new city for his job, couldn't find a flat on a suitable bus route. In fact, he could hardly find a flat at all. Not just based on cost but also ultra high demand meaning they got snapped up as soon as they came onto the rental market. He therefore needed a car to get to work as it was a 20 minute car drive or nearly 2 hours by bus (needed to change in the city centre and both buses went slowly round housing estates). It took him 18 months of trying before he could find a flat to rent closer to work or on a better bus route. Just saying that these days with housing shortages, young people in particular often don't have the luxury of choice as to where they live.

I completely get that but what I’m saying is the same principle can be applied to anything. All of our lives are “limited” in some way by choices we make, whether that’s not driving, having children, picking a particular career, moving for a spouse, moving to be closer to family etc. It’s just only one of these seems to cause so much ire and judgement on MN.

Don't be so OTT. Chill out.

I'm not being OTT. I'm perfectly chilled. You however are being very arrogant.

You have a chip on your shoulder and you're flinging it in my direction. Ok, you think I'm arrogant? That's fine. I don't care. Have a nice day!

I don’t think it’s hyped up at all. Having a car is great! I love being able to go where I want when I want. I don’t live in a remote area but like many places outside a main city, the public transport is dire. Having a car has enabled me to get jobs I’d never be able to do if I relied on public transport. I’ve been on fabulous UK holidays in my car that the price of train tickets would have made out of reach financially. My DD can rely on me to drop her off/pick her up if needs be. I cannot imagine life without a car.

Not weird at all. I've lived in the country my entire life. I understand that people who live in towns /cities have access to public transport and don't need to drive or own a car. I'm fine with that. If I can understand that, I fail to see why that is not reciprocated by town/city dwellers. Stop being so narrow minded and self focused.

We are already shat on by politicians and town/city dwellers who think the countryside is one big playground rather than the food producing factory it really is. It would be nice if they could actually think about some of the issues remote countryside living throws up, one of which is a lack of transportation.

What does any of that have to do with the OP not wanting to rely on a car in her individual circumstances? You really are projecting here.

The OP actually said she’s glad she’s able to drive and that it’s given her more options. She took 8 attempts to pass her test so I’m guessing she saw the value in it!

We live in a village that only has 3 buses a day. The earliest you can get to the closest town is 8.30 and the last bus back leaves the town at 5.10. We live at the opposite end of the country to family. It would take us 9+ hours on public transport and cost over £100 to visit them. When we lived in a city I used to commute on the train. The train was often late or cancelled. So I started to drive in instead. It worked out cheaper and I arrived on time. I think people who can manage without driving must have a rare set of circumstances to not need a car. Britain just isnt set up for public transport users.

You know correlation is not causation 😂

I can well imagine that we each notice the things that annoy us more, so I can see how I think it's more common for MNers to say how nobody needs to drive and you think it's more common for MNers to say everyone needs to! But surely the truth is in the middle: for some people it is a need, and for others it isn't.

There are plenty of studies on how car dependency affects childhood development.

Choice ≠ dependency

No one can live a totally free life without a car!Blagging lifts off others is the norm! Not seeing what others can because of lack of transport is another. Cars give time for you to enjoys somewhere and not be tied to a timetable. City people tend to limit themselves without a car and a car is definitely freedom from train strikes!

I had parents who never took me anywhere! No car of my own, no life! No buses either. You have had a charmed life if your parents took you to places and you didn't miss out. I did and a car made my life great. If you’ve not experienced that, you simply don’t understand!

Perhaps you could define ‘free life’. I don’t blag lifts from people.

I miss out on precisely nothing because of my inability to drive. I didn’t even start having lessons until my 40s because I didn’t really want to learn before then. When it became clear that I am unlikely to ever be able to drive. I was fine with that.

You need a car to live your life - great, you fill your boots. A car would not enhance my life in any way. I don’t travel outside of work and that works for me.

But you benefit from cars m/taxis generally. And you will more as you age. My mother refused to drive her entire life, and claimed she misses nothing. She’s even had the temerity to say this whilst sat in my passenger seat 😂 I don’t call me being able to race over there at no notice, escorting her into my car, driving her to a&E with a smashed up face, nothing. Ambulances are at least a few hours wait, sometimes 10+ hours these days. There are many many other examples where cars benefit my mother’s life. It’s just someone else’s car, rather than her own.

This is true. I’ve worked in the charity sector for charities who focus work on disadvantaged children. I’ve read countless impact report and data and research in my role around the negative impact and lack of cultural capital for children growing up in households with no car. One example being, children in urban areas living in households without cars, who have never accessed the countryside.

@nrsvje355 Yes, I’ve seen this too. It certainly limits knowledge. Limits curiosity too I think.