To think driving is very hyped up?

[Countbinface39]

I recently passed my test at almost 40. It took me 8 attempts, I'd had lessons on and off over the years and resigned myself to not driving. It was a relief to pass, not because I desperately needed to drive but because of the social pressure.
I am glad I have the option and don't have to do it again, I genuinely believed I wasn't cut out for driving.
There's a lot of hyperbole around driving which didn't help. I had people telling me I'd 'finally get my independence' when I passed. I own my own house, lived alone abroad for years, completely financially independent.
Also 'your life will finally start!' I'd like to think it started many years ago! I've never lived in very remote areas so luckily I wasn't heavily reliant on it, I never got lifts. I paid for ubers etc. But that's hardly the same as someone giving you a free lift!
I think a lot of people project their own experience onto you- they're maybe thinking of being 17 and relying on parents to get anywhere.
Driving has certainly given me more options, but it's hardly this magic carpet- still have to pay for the car, insurance, deal with dangerous drivers, parking, traffic etc- people always forget those things!
Someone even said my partner must 'have the upper hand' in our relationship because he had a car, which is ridiculous. People work as a team, you could apply that logic to anything, people who earn more, etc.
Anyway, rant over! I've got myself a cheap little runner that gets me from A to B, that's another thing some people comment on, if it's under 10k,15k, whatever it's going to fall apart the minute you get into it. More nonsense, i think the stress of being the only non-driver got to me, i felt like it was a very normal part of life I'd never get to do, but I'm glad I've got it.

I learned and passed only just over 2 years ago, it has been life-changing for me, just being able to get in the car and go, not having to get a lift off DH or plan public transport. I have so much more independence now and also being able to go places public transport doesnt go.

Yes, re trains, to get from my home town to where I worked in the next town, just 20 minutes away by car, you got a train from home town to city, then a train from city to town 3, then a train from town 3 to work town, all of which took a minimum of 2 hours, with most of that sat on stations waiting for connecting trains. That's despite there being a line between home town station and work town station, just no direct trains did the route! And I still had quite a walk between home and home town station, and then between work town station and where I worked, which would have probably made the total journey closer to 3 hours each way. Whereas using a car it was a simple home driveway to work car park - 20 minutes.

Public transport only works for the people it works for. Everyone else either can't travel or needs a car.

Congratulations on passing your test and well done for persevering!
I passed mine 50 years ago this month at the tender age of 17. The world was very different then, but I am glad I did it when I did as it has enabled me to have many interesting jobs (and some not so interesting) as well as being able to help friends and family out.
I do agree with you about all the peripheral considerations about driving these days, but I have 50 years' experience, so have "grown up" with the changing situations. I am not sure that I would be so keen to learn to drive now.
Just do not get me started on inconsiderate drivers, people using mobiles whilst driving and cyclists, who think red traffic lights do not apply to them :-)

I love driving , always have , I passed my test at 17 and am almost 60 and my life would be very different without the car . I have a disabled adult daughter and we go out a lot , NT places etc and often do day trips that are a 2/3 hour drive away which would be impossible to do in a day on public transport. My daughter passed her test a couple of years ago and has driven once since as she loathes it .

Sorry you've had some shitty replies, OP.

I've seen excellent drivers and bad drivers in both camps (first time passers and multiple attempt passers).

Some people make driving their whole personality and look down on non-drivers or new drivers. They are the type who will hog the middle lane of the motorway, make dangerous cuts through traffic, never let anyone join in the flow of traffic and too arrogant to indicate at roundabouts.

Don't be like them and you'll love driving.

It is and I think drivers are ridiculous about how necessary it is! I’ve lived in towns and found ways about without ever needing a lift. We live really in the middle of nowhere s ok need the car but if we’d bought in town I’d have sold the car and let the kids walk/ use public transport.

I learned to drive in my mid 20’s. The relief when I passed was for not having to wait anymore. Wait for buses. Wait for trains. A life ruled by timetables. No more waiting for my husband coming to pick me up. I absolutely love being able to go where I want, when I want. I dread no longer being able to drive.

Owning a car doesn't mean you can't cycle and walk. I do both, every single day. I only use a car once or twice a week. I even use the bus and train where the journey is feasible, which is usually only when I'm in a large city with acceptable public transport services, where I often park the car and get a bus/train into the city. But actually using the bus/train to get from home to that big city is usually inconvenient and expensive, hence why I drive to the outskirts.

I’ve never heard anyone say that let alone chant it. I have heard them say that driving gives you more independence - and it does. You can leave and return when you want; you don’t have to worry about timetables; you don’t have to worry about finding a taxi, etc etc.

I’m a single parent. I don’t have a partner to drive me. I live in a town and I wouldn’t be able to get my DC to school without a car (being able to drive allowed me to choose a much better school a few miles away); I wouldn’t be able to get to my dentist (there are no buses there and, due to the shortage of dentists here, ones closer to me are full. There are buses to my work but the timetable means that short car journey would take much longer, and I’d have to wait almost an hour to get home after work. Most of the taxis here don’t do Sundays, and at the start and end of the day they’re booked up with children who get free taxis to and from school.

I love being able to drive my DC to the swimming pool. There are no buses and it’s a 45 min walk each way. I love being able to drive out into the countryside, park up and do a beautiful walk wit the DC, then take our picnic out of the car boot. I love having a car available to me as an option.

It’s not compulsory to drive if you don’t want to, but it’s a very good skill to have. I’m not quite sure what your concern is. You have more freedom by being able to drive, and you are the captain of your own ship, so to speak, rather than reliant on public transport, taxis and your partner.

Drivers don’t forget the insurance or road tax. I think of it every year before it’s due. I don’t forget having to find a parking space either, or the bad drivers on the road. But, for all that, my car is a benefit to me and the pros far outweigh the cons.

I do drive and do live quite rurally although there are hourly buses from our village to a big transport hub (a sizeable airport) six days a week.

I still agree largely with OP. Driving is very over hyped. I don't enjoy driving and like to find ways round it when I can. I plan my methods using public transport and almost never ask for lifts unless we are all going to the same place and then I can just slot into the car, always offering fuel money or another contribution if that isn't wanted (buying food or drinks etc.).

I hate driving and actually don't view it as an overly essential life skill for me. I hated learning to drive though was relieved to pass my test first time so that I didn't have to continue learning. Ever since then, I've never managed to like driving. Never taken naturally to it.

I drive maybe a couple of times a week when I really must, and just so that I don't lose all confidence.

I must say though that if I can possibly make my proposed journey without driving then that's what I do.

You must have some odd friends if they go around chanting like this.

it’s simple: driving gives you greater independence and choice. It doesn’t deprive you of the choice to use public transport if that’s more convenient. However, being a non driver does deprive you of the choice to drive.

Necessity looks different for different people, though. I have three kids who need taking to two different locations every weekday morning and then I have to get myself to work. I'm in a perfectly functional town but the public transport is still crap. Mornings would be even more hellish than they are now if I didn't have a car!

But either way, something doesn't have to be absolutely necessary to be a basic need, in my opinion. In the same way that it's not necessary to have a coat if you've got a few good fleeces and a massive umbrella.

I would far rather that people employ professional drivers (buses, trains etc.) than attempt to DIY despite being nervous. It's safer for us all.

Would you describe someone who hired an electrician as "abdicating responsibility"?

I'm a non-driver and I don't "build my life around not driving".

In fact it's pretty much the opposite: "not driving" is simply a consequence of the home-based life I prefer, and which is so easy to live in these days of working from home, and home deliveries of pretty much anything you could need or want.

I think if your life is smallish, driving doesn’t free you up that much.

I love just driving into Wales (or any remote area in UK or Europe) in my camper van, stopping near remote lakes and rivers, swimming, walking, moving on or staying whenever I wish.
You’d be pressed to find an Uber in that situation.

Oh I reversed into a bollard in my own driveway once about 10 years ago 🫣 but I wouldn’t consider that an accident as it barely left any damage to my very old car at the time and didn’t involve anyone else/public property.
I drive on motorways daily and have driven in over 5 other countries in Europe and North America. I’m quite experienced.

If you live where I do not driving limits your life, opportunities, your dc’s lives and makes you have to rely on others. I’m not a keen driver, I passed in my 30’s but without my licence I simply wouldn’t be able to work outside the home. I don’t even live anywhere that remote, it’s just public transportation is very limited, especially to my place of employment and the other major areas where jobs are

Totally agree and sometimes getting a taxi is just cheaper . Having to pay for parking ( can be expensive in city centres) some time congestion charges) petrol etc . Oh and most importantly you can’t drink 😂. And have to walk to the car parks which sometimes can be quite far .

You are speaking from a place of geographic privilege. Even having the ability to call an uber or taxi and have any working in your area at that time, yet alone available for hire is not a given. It would take hours to walk to the store and back if you ran out of milk. Where I live we teach children to drive at 14 because it is an absolutely essential life skill.

I was 24 when I passed and lived in a major city with good public transport links and I still felt like not driving (my boyfriend at the time time didn’t) hindered my life.

Myself and my husband both drive and the other month randomly decided to drive to London for a gig. If we relied on public transport we’d have had to pay £80 in Ubers to the train station and back (or an hour bus), £220 total for trains and then an over night in a hotel (looking at round £300) as we’d left it so last minute no coaches were available and we wouldn’t have made it back for the last train. Instead we paid £100 in petrol and went there and back in a day with petrol to spare. I love being able to do stuff last minute without having to work out the logistics of how I’m getting somewhere, we can just hop in the car and road trip.

My Mum lives just over an hours drive away but it would mean getting on 2 buses and 3 trains taking 3.5 hours to get there if I wanted to do that without a car. She doesn’t drive and would rather spend £90 in a taxi to me than do the public transport which is bonkers but I do get it.

Also since having a baby I couldn’t imagine having to lug a pram around on a bus and potentially not being able to get on. I try to walk as much as possible but I genuinely cannot imagine not having a car.

But people are only saying things like that to you because you’re passed your test, and they want to say something positive to you about it. So if you got a great new job they’d say something positive, or if you bought a house they’d say something positive. It’s just what (nice) people do.

True, but I think a lot of people who could cycle or walk often just jump in the car because it's easier, quicker, warmer, more comfortable etc.

I really need to learn, 40 now, and I just can't find the time for lessons. I live in zone 2 London, have a cargo bike to take the children to school (there is no parking so driving isn't an option) and cycle to work (again, in the City so I wouldn't be able to drive) and it's never annoyed me until recently wanting to drive the children in Europe. In London, it's definitely not essential though, my local hospital has no parking nor does my doctor's surgery, I don't have time for supermarkets so Ocado and there is no good reason for me to drive unless on holiday.

When we first moved here (suburbs of a town a few miles from a south coast city) I and the young children could have survived without a car. However a few years later all the bus routes were slashed so you need to walk for 20 minutes to get to a bus. To get to the city by car takes 15 to 20 minutes but on a bus (after the 20 minute walk) it takes over an hour and is just shy of £10. There are no trains or trams here. To get to my parents takes 4 hours (longer in the summer or bank holiday) in the car door to door. There is no direct coach or train from here or the city. It's 2 trains but you need to get to the station (the walk then the hour on the bus) take the first train, change to the 2nd then you need 2 buses or a taxi to get from the station to their house. It takes 9 hours if you can get all the connections right..... oh and the National Express coach route? Here up to London and then London down to my parents city and one bus or taxi from there.I couldn't be without the car unless I got everything delivered and never left the house!

Do you feel the same way about people who don’t drive their own trains, fly their own planes or sail their own boats?

Mumsnet is so weird when it comes to driving, these threads always lead to so many posters haranguing non-drivers as if they see it as a personal insult to themselves. I never see this anywhere else. I am nearly 40 and I know plenty of people my age and older who don’t drive. They live perfectly great lives.

Not driving may limit some aspects of life but that’s true of everything. Becoming a parent limits your ability to have spontaneous nights out, getting married (usually) limits your ability to flirt with and meet new people, living in the country limits your access to the city, living in the city limits your access to countryside views etc etc.

These are all choices we all make every single day, but only the driving one seems to get Mumsnet up in arms.