To think driving is very hyped up?

[Countbinface39]

I recently passed my test at almost 40. It took me 8 attempts, I'd had lessons on and off over the years and resigned myself to not driving. It was a relief to pass, not because I desperately needed to drive but because of the social pressure.
I am glad I have the option and don't have to do it again, I genuinely believed I wasn't cut out for driving.
There's a lot of hyperbole around driving which didn't help. I had people telling me I'd 'finally get my independence' when I passed. I own my own house, lived alone abroad for years, completely financially independent.
Also 'your life will finally start!' I'd like to think it started many years ago! I've never lived in very remote areas so luckily I wasn't heavily reliant on it, I never got lifts. I paid for ubers etc. But that's hardly the same as someone giving you a free lift!
I think a lot of people project their own experience onto you- they're maybe thinking of being 17 and relying on parents to get anywhere.
Driving has certainly given me more options, but it's hardly this magic carpet- still have to pay for the car, insurance, deal with dangerous drivers, parking, traffic etc- people always forget those things!
Someone even said my partner must 'have the upper hand' in our relationship because he had a car, which is ridiculous. People work as a team, you could apply that logic to anything, people who earn more, etc.
Anyway, rant over! I've got myself a cheap little runner that gets me from A to B, that's another thing some people comment on, if it's under 10k,15k, whatever it's going to fall apart the minute you get into it. More nonsense, i think the stress of being the only non-driver got to me, i felt like it was a very normal part of life I'd never get to do, but I'm glad I've got it.

And that’s great in your case, but it clearly is not an essential life skill in the OP’s case - why is that not okay?

Hunting is an essential life skill in some communities. Does that mean I need to learn to hunt? Should people who need to hunt as an essential life skill keep haranguing me for not knowing how to hunt?

I suppose its hyped in the same way that walking or breathing are hyped up.

Learned when I had DD but I managed to leave home at 17, get all my stuff up to Scotland, and pay for it all myself with no car. The whole “it gives you independence” thing isn’t really that true. It’s not the be all and end all. I imagine it makes it easier, but you get your independence the second that first set of bill you pay yourself comes out your account imo.

It does help now I have kids, but I still regularly take them on the bus or train because I don’t like driving around Glasgow, plus FiFi is not LES compliant :(.

No, but we all know the 'type'...

"I have rights" (to think I'm Michael Schumacher) because someone passed me on the 7th attempt...

Don't kill anyone

Breathing - you die without it

walking - you can seriously shorten your life if you don’t do it.

pretty critical

driving - encourages laziness leading to early death, encourages selfish behaviours from safety of the inside of your tin can , helps destroy the planet, yip just the same as breathing and walking

some people do make out like it’s life changing but really it can become life controlling - enabling you to live a more hectic and frantic life which isn’t great but seems to make peolle feel busy and important

dint get me wrong - I love my car but I do know where the Op is coming from

Please try not to kill anyone either, your car doesn't have some sort of bubble around it because you passed sooner. You aren't special.

Tbh my favourite thing about driving is that I got to get a car I liked and in a colour I liked and decorate it how I liked. In the house obviously I had to compromise, DH has good taste and I love my home, but getting to dec my car out and be as ridiculous as I want brought me serious joy. Probably a really silly reason but I didn’t realise I would get childlike joy from sticking eyelashes on my car.

No I get you, I passed at 30 but never drove until last December (so 15 years after passing). I only did it because as you said "you HAVE to have it🙄" funnily enough I passed first time with examiner telling me I was an excellent driver, I told her good because I am never driving again. I felt overwhelmed, harassed and pushed (why do men think it is ok to swear when they don't get their way?) also you learn all those rules but no one actually follows them?
I will be honest, the only reason I drive now is to give my husband a break, he never complained but I felt guilty. It helps that we don't live in central London anymore, having our own driveway is priceless.

I think it’s sometimes a while before you actually realise the pluses of driving when you’ve used public transport for a while. I took a while to pass my test and I made my life work with public transport perfectly well. I’d memorised the tube map, I had bus timetables on my phone, I planned every journey meticulously. I also had a very waterproof coat and a strong umbrella for waiting at the bus stop in the rain.

now I roll out of the house into the car, find the postcode of where I want to go and pop it in google maps, turn on the heated seats, and away I go, shuddering with sympathy when I see people waiting at the blustery bus stop for the bus to take them to the train station…

also I don’t live in a city any more so i need a car and my life would be smaller and more restricted without one.

I think as you say it’s different for everyone. I know loads of people who are not fussed and will use public transport despite having a car as they prefer it. Personally I love driving, it’s my happy place (where I think, relax and prprcrss) , it means I can go wherever I want, on my own schedule (that’s the freedom people are referring to - not having to wait for an uber to arrive, a delayed bus, fighting a stranger for a seat in the train).
I also get chronically car and travel sick so am never a passenger and will only travel by bus or coach if I have literally no other option, it’s utterly miserable everytime. For me I can’t imagine a world without being able to dtive, if I ever find myself without the ability to do so I would struggle hugely. But I know that’s unique to me and others prefer other options.

I passed 4th time then didn't really drive much for 8 years.

Got behind the car again during COVID, just to the supermarket while the roads were super quiet to build up my confidence.

Had a baby in 2021 and it has helped getting around where I live.

About a year ago I bought a cheap runaround second car for £2k. It is only used locally but does the job and has been very convenient

we have gotten a car just a few weeks ago - never needed one before we live in london next to an overround, close to a tube and 10 bus routes on my high road 5 mins from the house

Husband only learned at 47 and passed a month ago

we don't need it day to day - but its opened up some fun things to do with the kids that weren't easiliy reachable by public transport!

Also we can now go camping and im driving us to france in a few weeks to have a nice holiday and we are gonna camp a few more times in the uk over the summer

id never drive to work or most places - youll usually find me on my bike cycling everywhere and public transport for the rest

I'll be honest, I normally roll my eyes at those eyelash things, but your comment actually made me smile! When I see them now I will imagine it's you and be happy that they bring you joy 😊😆

I love the independence and freedom of choice I have being able to drive and own a car. I couldn’t imagine not doing so.

For me driving is a magic carpet of freedom.

I live in a village but not totally rural but no public transport at all. 20mins drive to station then 40 mins to big city but life without a car would be hard.

I dont have the time to plan transport- my car is way cheaper than a taxi to get around. I get in my car and go no forward planning just go and get on with life.

My work is impossible without a car.

I agree here. I also live in a village between two cities, also between two small towns. I want to go to the gym tomorrow morning, if I drive it takes me about 15 minutes. If I was to get the bus it would involve me walking for ten minutes, bus for about 40 minutes (if it even turns up!) then another 5-10 min walk. As if I can be bothered with that before work. Same with shopping, 10-15 mins in car to supermarket or 40 mins on the bus twice then lugging all my shopping up the hill at the other end. No thank you.

Funny story. My motivation for learning to drive was being raised on 80's slasher flick movies where the teens get in the car just in time to escape the psycho (not for long though!). I just always thought better learn to drive in case I ever find myself in that situation 🤣🤣. Not even joking.

Agreed!

My life would have been much much smaller if I didn’t drive. I do not live remotely. I still get trains several times a year. I mix it up. But the freedom as a woman, of knowing I can safely get in my car at 4 am and drive to somewhere, or drive home from somewhere, with no notice at all has never got old for me. My mum always refused to drive. She had been an entitled pain in the backside with zero regard for my time ferrying her around, the expense, the stress. None. It drives me nuts. Pardon the pun.

Also, I always think that if I ever lose everything in life - I can always live in my car 😂 😂

I’m 41 - I had a couple of failed attempts in my early 20s but tbh I hadn’t had nearly enough lessons so was my fault for not passing until my 3rd attempt. After 3 kids and a busy life I couldn’t imagine now not being able to drive. I personally would feel like I’ve lost all freedom, but that’s just me.

Don't agree with you. My brother passed on his 5th attempt. He's been driving for 35 years and drives all over the country as part of his job. In that time he's never had an accident so i don't agree he's a bad driver.
On the other hand I know quite a few people who've passed their test first time and then been involved in accidents/speeding/lost their licence. I actually think passing first time makes you over confident. Having more lessons with a qualified instructor (which is what happens when you fail your test) can only be a good thing.

Interesting thread. @Countbinface39 . For medical reasons I have never been allowed to drive, and I have seriously regretted being excluded from jobs where a clean driving license is obligatory even when the need to drive is minimal, and there are times when I wish I could get myself somewhere unreachable (permanently or temporarily) by public transport. And I'm also very aware of the responsibility and hassle that go with driving and owning a car. It's a lot to take on, and there are some big advantages in not taking it on.
Congratulations on passing the test at 40.

I think the access to and normalisation of car transport has led to a world where you often don't feel free unless you have a car, yes.

I live rurally, and have recently been having a lot of mechanical issues with my van. I had to go out and buy a cheap stopgap car almost immediately, as I would have lost thousands in earnings otherwise. Have been having some illuminating chats with other people recently. "Oh yes....I've had to spend 5 grand on my van this year"...."The amount of money I've had to spend on this car, I've lost all faith in it"...."Just spent 17 grand on a new van, then the head gasket went and I'm having to hire a van to keep earning". Etc etc...

Is this our freedom now? We don't have an option not to own these money pits, because our lives have been built around them, and public transport has been comprehensively trashed because "everyone has cars". (Sometimes this was deliberate- Beeching's cuts were a result of heavy lobbying by the motor industry).

Yeah, but if you had to lug all your shopping uphill you wouldn't need to go to the gym would you 😆