Visitors turning up unannounced on a Sunday evening. WWYD?

[ShorterMumma]

I'm so embarrassed, someone turned up at my house this evening at about 7.30pm.
The house snd I are an absolute state.

I'm moving bedrooms with the dc, theres stuff everywhere. I'm absolutely exhausted from decorating, work, being a single parent of 4dc.

I am embarrassed but also annoyed as this person could have texted but decided to surprise me.
They know I hate uninvited visitors.

My ds said I should have kept them on the doorstep.

Should I have ?

WWYD?

I could not have opened the door at 7.30 this evening as I had no clothes on! I live alone and often don't bother in this hot weather. It feels wonderful to walk around the house wearing only flip flops and a smile. Needless to say I do have a ring door bell and cctv both sides so I can see who it is. I do keep a flowy kaftan handy to throw on if I absolutely need to.

Amazon are delivering tomorrow so I better put some clothes on as the driver will have a shock at someone in their 80s in the nude. I would not want the poor fellow to have a heart attack.

Unless it was very close family, I wouldn't have opened the door, no

It's their way of communicating clearly to you that only they matter and you don't at all. It's so extremely easy nowadays to contact somebody in advance and ASK them (not tell them) if it's convenient for you to pop over that anybody who chooses not to bother is being as clear as they could be how very little they think you and your time are worth.

It might be different if you're very close, or are used to just turning up at each other's places and both of you are cool with it; but they actually know that you aren't.

Moreover, in this current heat, there must be loads of people sitting at home in the evening with the curtains closed and just in their underwear. It's absolutely not convenient to knock on somebody's door unannounced and expect them to answer promptly and welcome you right on in.

I know opinions vary - and it's probably very different if you live somewhere dodgy and/or your door opens right on to the pavement - but one of the things I love about Amazon is the fact that they just leave your parcel outside your door without bothering you, and you can check your account/emails and go out for it whenever it suits you.

I get irritated enough at the fact that I have a phone for my (and my family's/friends'/legitimate callers') convenience, yet all manner of scammers and salespeople seem to think that I pay for it purely so that they can make me stop what I'm in the middle of to try to hassle me and take my money whenever it suits them. Not that I answer if it's an unknown number, but it's still a big disturbance when it rings and it's just a timewaster/criminal.

Actually turning up unannounced on somebody's doorstep, when you know that they expressly don't want you there, is next level arrogance and entitlement.

Even more annoying is when they turn up can see the house is obviously upside down. But do feck all to help and expect you to sit and chat with them. When you just want to be carrying on with what you were doing.

Assuming it was an actual friend or relative whom you like; I'd be thrilled that, rather than rush off home, someone wanted to spend an extra hour in the area just to see me.

You should have handed them a bucket of paintbrushes…… “so good of you to stop by - total chaos here……. please can you wash these out while I tidy up the rest of the stuff. Then we can have a cuppa”…

My brother did something similar to me. It was horrendous bc I was trying to conceal something which he knew full well about and had promised to keep secret, then he arrived with his son and sent him to the door. It was a form of heavy-handed bullying tactics that he’s presumably still capable of well into his 40’s.

Neither would I

I would absolutely have not opened the door!! No way in Hell.

Why is it rude??? Personally, I would never visit anyone unannounced, because I’d hate to turn up and there be no one in. However, I’m happy for people to come to mine unannounced. I wouldn’t think it rude, I’d think it a nice thing to do.

Do they?
Maybe due to where I live they have never left parcels on my doorstep.

Theres no one I want to see uninvited on a Sunday evening, in the middle of the bedtime routine, whilst my house is a total mess - literally no one.
If the friend or relative cared in the slightest about my feelings, they wouldn't have turned up unannounced.

I really did learn something today.

This visitor is one of those people who are lovely and cheerful but actually they didn't spare a thought for how uncomfortable I would feel when they turned up.

I wasn't rude so I invited them but actually, I should have kept them at the door.

I'm off to research Ring Doorbells.

It won't happen again.

I waa putting the dc to bed so not something they could help with.

Honestly I’d have been delighted at the chance for a break and a natter with friends/family with all that going on, we’d have sat out in the garden and I’d have explained about the room-moving. I love it when people just call. But if they know you hate it then that’s rude (I don’t accept that it’s rude full stop, it’s a normal social interaction). but also, you could have just said no, sorry, I’m too busy.

Thank-you!

I feel the same regarding cold callers, scammed etc.

People value their privacy, so no, its not just people on this forum.

Our house is in a similar state OP and will be for months due to decorating stages, we're virtually living in one room with things piled up around us

When I had small children I would absolutely not have been thrilled to have an hour-sized hole put in my Sunday evening routine. The very last thing you need when you are sorting dinner, baths, uniforms, school bags, lunches, is to have to make cups of tea and chat with visitors.

Well, that’s a special situation.
Surely most people would not find it “horrendous” if their sibling arrived at your home without calling first. I say most because I think outside of MN most people do have a good enough relationship with their siblings such that they would not leave them on the doorstep or feel rage etc.

I don't think any of my friends would just turn up unless they were seriously in need of a friend and needed to talk, so I would let them in and check they were ok.

My auntie on the other hand used to rock up unannounced quite regularly and make herself comfortable for most of the day. Expecting me to ignore my kids and own plans and feed her cake and tea and Sunday roast! She wasn't remotely elderly (50s), had her own adult kids, never even sent my kids birthday cards and was a huge moaner.

We are NC now.

The timing really wouldn't have bothered me that much, bags and lunches can wait a bit longer, DCs can amuse themselves for a little longer or start getting ready for bed by themselves.

It was a special situation, you’re right, why I added the detail about it being a secret I’d asked him to keep etc to explain my reaction.

I still agree with OP tho that ppl should call or text ahead so as to avoid awkward and uncomfortable situations for everyone involved tho

Thank you for explaining how your Sunday evenings are/were. What did you do after the little ones were in bed, straight to sleep yourself or watch TV/doom-scroll? For myself it is not option one, so if I had a guest I could do a lot of the things you mention later. In effect you are saying you value those wind down activities over genuine human contact, from someone who is bothered enough about you to take an opportunity to visit.
That's you and OP, fine. I would not mind and might be very happy indeed depending on the person despite having primary aged children

Or do the old 'keeping little kids occupied' trick by giving them a brush and a bucket of water and asking them to 'paint' the fence. Well, if they refuse to acknowledge that your time is your own and precious, why shouldn't you treat them likewise?!

Either that or greet them enthusiastically with tales of an unpleasant task that you 'need help with', so how lucky that a 'friend' turned up out of the blue to be able to do that - a fungal toenail infection that you're struggling to reach to properly apply the treatment; or something slimy and stinky at the bottom of the oven and you need to scrub it away; or a colossal turd that you just haven't been able to successfully flush after an hour of trying. Anything to give them the message that, if they turn up unannounced, they may just regret it.