Would this be unusual in a swimming pool changing room?

[hoppington]

I take my son to swimming lessons every week at a local school. The changing rooms are separate male and female changing rooms with open bench areas rather than private cubicles.

We’ve been attending for a few years and until recently I’ve only ever seen parents use the changing room that matches their own sex, with their young child accompanying them. For example:

Men use the men’s changing room.
Women use the women’s changing room.
Young children go with their parent into whichever changing room that parent is using.

Over the last few weeks however, a dad has been bringing his preschool-aged into the women’s changing room and I was surprised that the dad wasn’t using the men’s changing room with him.

I’m genuinely interested in what the general etiquette is here. Am I out of touch in thinking that if there are separate male and female changing rooms, parents would normally use the changing room that matches their own sex and take their child in with them?

The preschool lesson finishes just as older children are arriving for the next session, so there are often children of various ages getting changed and showering in the communal area.

It’s also made me think about my own 4 year old son. He’s perfectly capable of getting himself dressed but I wouldn’t feel comfortable sending him into the men’s changing room alone yet especially as plenty of older children are still accompanied by a parent. What age do boys generally stop using the women’s changing room with their mum? Or should I be taking him into the men’s changing room already? I also have an 8 year old daughter who no longer does swimming lessons, but I know if she was getting changed in the females and there was a male adult hanging around that she would feel uncomfortable about this. It’s just been on my mind since the beginning of the week and keen to hear others opinions!

I got confused when I read the post. You are right, if both male, then they can get changed in the male changing rooms.

I agree with all this. Why isn’t the mum doing the shower/changing though? Is she too ill or something else wrong not to do it or are there cultural/religious reasons why she can’t shower/use female changing rooms? Clutching at straws re latter. As pp said I really don’t think it’s appropriate for a man to be in female changing rooms with his preschooler. The only caveat would be as a pp said if he was quick, averted his eyes didn’t get undressed and so on. But then you run the risk if he uses a shower/ changing cubicle and comes out to women not expecting him to be there. That’s not fair on the women and children there but also not fair on him as he’d be judged.

I disagree. Regardless of how quickly this man moves, or how much he diverts his eyes, this man AND HIS SON do not belong in the he female areas.

@CowTown as he's the only dad and has a son... I can see why people would want him to take his kid solo to the other changing rooms. I'd also wondered why mum wasn't doing the changing but then why should mum be default parent and shouldn't we support dads stepping up?

But, uf there was multiple dads supervising their kids... with both male and female children to supervise... how would you arrange the changing? Dad's with mixed children in the mens / mums in the ladies with mixed children.... or male children (mixed parents) in the mens and female children (mixed parents) in the ladies?

The most obvious and convenient solution is for the male parent to take his male child into the male changing rooms. The mother doesn’t need to be involved at all.

Most swimming pools have a very clear policy on this. The child goes into the changing room that aligns with the parent’s sex until they are 8 years old, and then the child uses the changing room for their own sex. We followed this rule for swimming lessons and it worked fine. In the early post 8 days I provided easy to change clothes and they didn’t shower until they got home until they became more confident.

The other combos of parents and children are irrelevant. Two penis owners are going into a changing/showering area for vagina owners. The two penis owners should be going into the penis owner changing area together.

I would say the exact same thing to two vagina owners going into the penis owner changing area.

It's parents supervising children.... mums are taking boys into the women's changing rooms and no one says that is not appropriate... where should a dad take his preschool daughter to change

Genuine question... how can dad's be supported to be involved /hands on parents in this situation?

Dads take their daughters into the male changing rooms. This isn’t rocket science.

Dads take their sons into the male changing rooms. Easy. THE DAD IN OP’s STORY HAS A SON.

A number of leisure centres now have joint changing rooms and group changing rooms. This combats the problem but can also be uncomfortable especially if you don’t feel comfortable in a joint space with men around. I’m not sure what the answer is to be honest. Especially as I don’t personally like being in a changing space with men.

I hate joint changing rooms. And avoid them. After being Eve shamed by Indian men (I’m white) at a pool a few years ago and almost coming into the changing rooms behind me, I prefer single sex changing rooms. Re the Eve shaming incident I complained after it (I was doing aqua aerobics they were in the same pool sectioned off not class making fun of the teacher as well as coming up close to females in pool side/next to pool/small shower areas) and nothing was done about it, they didn’t even seem shocked, the staff. In Tooting. I stopped going there.

Why do bloody men seem to want to encroach on every area of women’s lives? How often do women do up-skirting videos/photos and the like of men? Hardly any I bet.

I also avoided the local leisure centre for quite a while because of the number of lone men hanging around the changing rooms. It fell unsafe and uncomfortable. I hate the joint changing rooms and don’t really understand why that’s the direction they have gone in when they could have a few different options. I guess the sad thing is it’s always bloody men that are making us feel unsafe isn’t it. When is that going to stop.