Would this be unusual in a swimming pool changing room?

[hoppington]

I take my son to swimming lessons every week at a local school. The changing rooms are separate male and female changing rooms with open bench areas rather than private cubicles.

We’ve been attending for a few years and until recently I’ve only ever seen parents use the changing room that matches their own sex, with their young child accompanying them. For example:

Men use the men’s changing room.
Women use the women’s changing room.
Young children go with their parent into whichever changing room that parent is using.

Over the last few weeks however, a dad has been bringing his preschool-aged into the women’s changing room and I was surprised that the dad wasn’t using the men’s changing room with him.

I’m genuinely interested in what the general etiquette is here. Am I out of touch in thinking that if there are separate male and female changing rooms, parents would normally use the changing room that matches their own sex and take their child in with them?

The preschool lesson finishes just as older children are arriving for the next session, so there are often children of various ages getting changed and showering in the communal area.

It’s also made me think about my own 4 year old son. He’s perfectly capable of getting himself dressed but I wouldn’t feel comfortable sending him into the men’s changing room alone yet especially as plenty of older children are still accompanied by a parent. What age do boys generally stop using the women’s changing room with their mum? Or should I be taking him into the men’s changing room already? I also have an 8 year old daughter who no longer does swimming lessons, but I know if she was getting changed in the females and there was a male adult hanging around that she would feel uncomfortable about this. It’s just been on my mind since the beginning of the week and keen to hear others opinions!

@hoppington
well done you, your spidey senses are absolutely right!
Yup, he’s a predator!

Yup, the women who are chatting to him, are some of us who are expected to “smile and be polite” to avoid confrontation. It’s built into us from a young age. It’s awful that we are afraid to be tagged as “troublemakers”
Next thing you know, it will be “oh Dave always let’s women use the cubicles first, and yes, Dave likes to use extra talcum to dry his Willy, in a repeated up and down motion, in plain view of us women and kids, but it’s ok, because Dave doesn’t like to hog the cubicles in our changing room. Also, remember Dave is a dad, so he can’t be a threat to us - right”
Wrong - Dave is a dirty predator and knows exactly what he’s doing! Dave needs reported to the gym. Dave also needs his hard drive checked!!

Email in.

At first I thought he was bringing his girl in. My DH found it confusing when my DD was small about stuff like this. So I would think that is just a misunderstanding. But it’s very weird to be bringing his boy in. It’s very clear, as a male that you bring your male son into the male dressing room.

I’d definitely say it to the staff. This is not ok. Especially if his wife sits outside.

We have a “group” changing room in ours so all the mums, dads and kids go in there.

The wife probably doesn’t know what changing room he’s using. Or as msmolli said. She’s either complicit or has been made to be his cover

I’m very confused
he goes in the women’s where no women would ever be getting undressed/ in a shower naked
he goes in and you say looks at the children. I am assuming there are a mix of boys and girls in both changing rooms so why would he go in the women’s if he is not going to see the mums in any other clothes than they had on by the pool
makes no sense

His cover for what? I mean rules are rules, but there isn’t a single undressed woman to perv at. If the mums were getting changed also, or non swimming lesson women were in there changing, then of course it’s wrong
but in this instance I can’t grasp what the problem is

Ex-lifeguard here. The dad is supposed to take his little girl into the men’s.

It is fairly common for dads taking their little girls to swimming lessons to think that because the swimmer is female, they need to take them into the ladies changing rooms. Whenever I have come across this, I have always had the impression that it is a genuine misunderstanding rather than any kind of pervy plan to watch girls and women change.

So he’s bring his son into the female changing rooms? I initially thought he was bringing his daughter which would have made some warped sense, but there’s absolutely no good reason for a man to bring his son into female changing rooms where young children are naked and showering. That’s weird as hell. Definitely write the email.

I bet you never see a woman taking her son into the male changing rooms - it just wouldn’t happen.

The man has a son not a daughter. He is taking his son into the women’s changing room.

Oh my mistake! That is weird. In years of lifeguarding, I never ever saw anyone do that!

Am I going mad? There are no adults in either changing room naked
there are equal numbers of children of both sexes in both
so maybe he just knows those mum’s and his son knows their daughters?

My husband had this the other way round. When he would go swimming there was a mum with her young son in his changing room this was every single week (they had certain time slots so he couldn’t change time and avoid her). As it was just one big changing room he felt too uncomfortable getting changed in front of her so had to mention it.

No man should be in a woman’s changing room. If the child is preschool, the child should go into the changing room with the dad. And, having missed the point that the child is also male, there is zero ambiguity about which changing room to use. Male all the way.

So given no adults are changing, presumably there’s boys and girls changing in both changing rooms (with their respective mum or dad) so thinking about it, does it matter?

Yes, I think you are. You appear to be the only one who doesn’t find this totally inappropriate.

There are probably more children in the women’s than the men’s. How many dads actually take their children to swimming lessons over mums regularly?

Definitely email. He should not be in there. The entitlement that he thinks it’s ok is concerning.

It’s definitely a bit odd but he’s not seeing anything he wouldn’t see in the men’s is he? Also to add - I think there’s a fair bit of confusion on the thread generally about the sex of his child and whether the adults are also changing .

Our local pool’s changing room is a similar set up (separate male & female changing, benches not cubicles) and the rules don’t allow men in the ladies, or boys/girls age 6 and over in the opposite sex changing room. I’ve recently had a word with the centre after someone brings their hulking pre-teen into the ladies when there are perfectly fine public, safe, well supervised places a 12 year old boy could wait for 10 mins, or use one of the family changing rooms separate to the single sex spaces.

I think it’s a bit cringe and ‘cool boy’ hanging out with the girls
and 💯 any women changing or only girls in those showers then yes, totally unacceptable

but that isn’t what is happening

Because there are undressed little girls in there!

I’m happy for you to explain
I just can’t understand how he is being predatory when both changing rooms have the same set up
children of both sexes in both
only from swimming lessons
nobody else changing

And undressed little boys

as there are in the men’s. Dads taking sons and daughters to the lesson.