Would this be unusual in a swimming pool changing room?

[hoppington]

I take my son to swimming lessons every week at a local school. The changing rooms are separate male and female changing rooms with open bench areas rather than private cubicles.

We’ve been attending for a few years and until recently I’ve only ever seen parents use the changing room that matches their own sex, with their young child accompanying them. For example:

Men use the men’s changing room.
Women use the women’s changing room.
Young children go with their parent into whichever changing room that parent is using.

Over the last few weeks however, a dad has been bringing his preschool-aged into the women’s changing room and I was surprised that the dad wasn’t using the men’s changing room with him.

I’m genuinely interested in what the general etiquette is here. Am I out of touch in thinking that if there are separate male and female changing rooms, parents would normally use the changing room that matches their own sex and take their child in with them?

The preschool lesson finishes just as older children are arriving for the next session, so there are often children of various ages getting changed and showering in the communal area.

It’s also made me think about my own 4 year old son. He’s perfectly capable of getting himself dressed but I wouldn’t feel comfortable sending him into the men’s changing room alone yet especially as plenty of older children are still accompanied by a parent. What age do boys generally stop using the women’s changing room with their mum? Or should I be taking him into the men’s changing room already? I also have an 8 year old daughter who no longer does swimming lessons, but I know if she was getting changed in the females and there was a male adult hanging around that she would feel uncomfortable about this. It’s just been on my mind since the beginning of the week and keen to hear others opinions!

What - I assumed he was in the womens changing room as he had a daughter he didn't want getting changed in front of other men - but he's actually just a sicko
I would have told him day 1 he was in the wrong changing room and if he didn't leave told him exactly what I think of a man who likes watching little girls get changed

Id use women's and take DC regardless of gender with me until about 8 - 10. Where id expect a boy to use male ones alone like he would at a school lesson.

I would expect an adult man to take his DD with him to the male changing rooms until a similar age.

Is he the only male parent at the swim session? Would he and his son be the only people using the mens changing room?

Does he perhaps think that the women's charging room is rebadged as "mixed children's" changing for the duration of the session as there are no adults changing at all and it has presumably male and female children getting changed together under their supervision of their (female) parent?

While on the face of it it sounds a bit odd, I can see how it may genuinely have been weirder to seperate his son from all the other boys getting changed?

Yeah, that seems... Just... Wrong.

I remember my Mam always took me into the ladies' when I was v young, and I've seen blokes take both their sons and daughters. Never seen a woman bring their kid into the gents'.

I've seen a woman go into the gents' to have a shit, but never just because they were taking their kid.

Like others have said, I'd have a quiet word with a staff member in private. Hopefully, they'd put a sign up or something.

Good evening,

I have a safeguarding issue that I would like to speak to a manager about. On x date, x date, and x date, at the 4pm Wednesday lessons, I have witnessed an adult male enter the female changing and shower area to change and shower his male child. Both of these males have no business in the female changing and showering area. Please have a manager urgently contact me at 0755555555 to discuss.

Kind regards,
xxxxxxx

As it's only children undressing and not adults, I'd think that girls go in the female and boys in the males regardless of the parents sex.

No men or women are getting changed
4 year old boys and girls are getting changed in both rooms
exactly as happened at my boys lessons because the pool was only for lessons at that time

I couldn’t care less if a man was supervising his child

this is ridiculous

Once again you are ignoring the fact that older girls are also getting changed in front of this man, why do you keep doing this? Don't want to admit you are wrong about this or what?

This is inappropriate to the full. I could slightly understand if a man brought a daughter into the women's because he rather the people who she his daughter naked were female than male, but not his son (although he shouldn't). Plus actually don't all pools have cubicle areas you can use? Ours have open women's changing and open men's changing, which is mostly for schools and then loads of individual cubicles for either sex.

I didn't say any men or women were getting changed - I stated this was a fully grown man who was in the womens changing room so he could see little girls getting changed
There is NO reason to pick the womens - both him and his son are MALE
He's a predator

I would report him to a member of staff.
Men should use the men’s changing room whatever the sex of their child.
Unacceptable for a biological man to be in the women’s changing room.

Surely that’s not an innocent mistake on his part

he’s hoping evryone will be afraid to challenge him

Who said adults arent getting changed?

@pouletvous OP said it was only children (mixed sex) changing with parents supervising.

Parents are taking little boys and little girls into the women's. Should dad's take little boys and girls into the men's and mums take them into the women's? Do you seperate by sex of the child or sex of the person supervising?

What if there were more dad's going and they had a mixture of boy and girl children... how would you seperate them then?

Agree. The man should use the male changing room.

Oh hell no ! That’s just weird . He should take his boy in the men’s changing rooms !

so girls aren’t entitled to privacy but are expected to get changed in front of grown men 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

Please OP confirm you’ve put a written complaint into the management so they’re ready to handle it next week.

Depends on the age of the child surely, I don’t remember my own dad taking me swimming by himself as a young child. Parents took me together. Until they divorced. My stepdad then took me swimming by himself sometimes later on, (DB was sickly so sometimes didn’t go and stayed home with my mum) but I was 8 or so and could use the women’s changing rooms by myself by then. I also knew the pool and changing rooms very well.

@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain the OP has sais they are preschoolers ~4yo so do need supervision, the next group in are slightly older kids and there is some overlap (which seems to be part of the issue). It also sounds like this is the only dad, all the other adults supervising are mums... so should he have to take his kid to a different space to change because him supervising his kid in a mixed group is different to mums supervising a mixed group of kids? And what if other dads with daughters were there...

I don't know the answer, but I don't think it's necessarily 'predatory' or 'wrong' as it has been labelled/ first sounded when you know it's a mixed group of preschoolers being supervised by 'parents'.

There sure are a lot of “what ifs” on this thread. “What if he had a daughter?” The bottom line is that he has a son. We have an adult male bringing a male child to a swimming lesson and both males going into the female changing/showering areas. They shouldn’t be there, just as adult females with female children shouldn’t be in the male changing areas.

There is often a rule that anyone over 8 has to go in the changing room of their own sex.

we had this at our swimming a while ago where a dad came into the girls changing room with his 8/9 year old (so old enough to be getting changed on their own anyway). I challenged him and he had a right huff screaming “I’m not a perv” and folded his arms with his back to everyone to prove he wasn’t watching them. No one else said a word to him.

Doesn’t that mean that he’s not allowed in there, since he’s over 8 (the dad)? @JazzyAmbs

I personally wouldn’t have a problem with a male in the female changing room, changing his daughter, as long as he was keeping his eyes to himself and made swift business of it. I have to take my children, both male into the female changing room because they are neurodivergent, and I couldn’t leave them to sort themselves out in the mail changing area on their own. This is likely to be an ongoing thing so I’m hoping I don’t get any pushback as I have little choice.

Having said all that above, our local leisure Centre has one changing room for everyone with lockers and separate cubicles and cubicles with showers in them.

The parent is male, the child is male. They do not belong in female changing areas.