Would this be unusual in a swimming pool changing room?

[hoppington]

I take my son to swimming lessons every week at a local school. The changing rooms are separate male and female changing rooms with open bench areas rather than private cubicles.

We’ve been attending for a few years and until recently I’ve only ever seen parents use the changing room that matches their own sex, with their young child accompanying them. For example:

Men use the men’s changing room.
Women use the women’s changing room.
Young children go with their parent into whichever changing room that parent is using.

Over the last few weeks however, a dad has been bringing his preschool-aged into the women’s changing room and I was surprised that the dad wasn’t using the men’s changing room with him.

I’m genuinely interested in what the general etiquette is here. Am I out of touch in thinking that if there are separate male and female changing rooms, parents would normally use the changing room that matches their own sex and take their child in with them?

The preschool lesson finishes just as older children are arriving for the next session, so there are often children of various ages getting changed and showering in the communal area.

It’s also made me think about my own 4 year old son. He’s perfectly capable of getting himself dressed but I wouldn’t feel comfortable sending him into the men’s changing room alone yet especially as plenty of older children are still accompanied by a parent. What age do boys generally stop using the women’s changing room with their mum? Or should I be taking him into the men’s changing room already? I also have an 8 year old daughter who no longer does swimming lessons, but I know if she was getting changed in the females and there was a male adult hanging around that she would feel uncomfortable about this. It’s just been on my mind since the beginning of the week and keen to hear others opinions!

Interesting isn't it that this situation seems to happen from time to time and the men in question seem perplexed when told they are in the wrong. But never hear of it the other way around with a Mum taking their little boy into the men's changing rooms.

the rule can’t be both, if it’s genuinely only little girls allowed in the girls then dads have to be allowed in there
that is not what is happening

Children should use the changing room of their adults gender.
I have a disabled child whose 10 the swiming lessons we attended didn’t have disabled or family rooms. When he got to about 8 we changed venues.

Hao no one said anything 😱. He was alalloweto look at naked woman and girls 😱.

Was he in there with his son or daughter? Why would he bring his son into the ladies changing room?

This would be bizarre enough on its own but the fact his wife sits outside the changing room while he does this is really fucking weird.

I’ve read it a million times
there are little boys and girls getting changed in equal numbers in both changing rooms
there is nothing different going on in either

if he was taking a boy in the female and ONLY little girls were changing in there that is so wrong
if it was a changing room where non swimming lesson females were getting changed, totally wrong

I’m happy to be swayed on where this difference is at this particular time of day in these changing rooms between what he could see in the male or female side

He should be getting the fuck out of the ladies, fucking creep.

There is zero reason for a man to take his male child into the female changing rooms.
I would have said something to him like “are you aware this is the female changing area? The male area is next door.”
then I would report it to the pool staff.

But there are little boys and girls showering in the men’s

But there are mums in there with little boys too
so should it be all little boys get changed in the boys and the mothers with sons go in the men’s ?
there are no parents getting changed

This is mad

The wife/partner definitely knows he uses the ladies because she’s very briefly popped in twice to hand them something over and then goes back to wait outside. I’m going to type up and send the email today, if anyone has any suggestions on how to word it I’d love suggestions!

Are you the wife?

There are no naked women. The adults are not getting changed in either changing room. Just kids (girls and boys) in the ladies and the men’s.

I must have misunderstood
is hie son the only boy in that shower? Do all the other boys go in the men’s without their mums?

and are any other people getting changed in the ladies, any of the mums?

then I will understand

Using his son to get close to the little girls probably. Report and make a fuss I would! A lot of women are very naive about this sort of thing probably because they’ve never had the unfortunate experience of coming up close and personal with a pedophile ( or so they think) but they are around every corner and are opportunists so they are were kids are.

He is a man with a son. Fuck knows why he thinks he should be in the women's changing rooms. Some men who have daughters try to argue to use the women’s. They’re also wrong, but the man in the OP doesn’t even have a daughter to even try to justify his actions.

Years ago when my children were little and went to swimming lessons, it was all mums with their children apart from two dads. We all got to know each other and one of the dads tried to say that they should come in the women's changing rooms as they were missing out on all the chatting. Thankfully the other dad just said ‘mate, that would be really weird’ before any of the women could say anything. He gave a lot of us the creeps, always commenting on how grown up some of the girls were getting and how they looked older than they were. 🚩

Did you miss the part where the session overlaps with older children's lessons, so older girls will be getting changed in the women's while that man is in there, that's something he wouldn't be seeing in the men's.
The other possibility is he's doing it just to make the mums feel uncomfortable and worried, some men get a real kick out of making women uncomfortable.

Men absolutely know this is not OK. I’d assume any man who did this was a predator.
Definitely report him to staff, I’d also log with non emergency police incase there’s already a history… or one day he’ll get caught doing something they’ll see there’s already a concern about him.

It doesn’t matter. He is a man and therefore uses the men’s. Anything else is ‘mad’.

There’d be young children of both sexes changing in the men’s with their dads, so your discomfort at him watching young children shower is something you’re going to have to live with.

The specific problem here seems to be that older girls come into the women’s to change, while he’s still there.

Of course the rule is he shouldn’t be there at all. But he’s probably wrongly perceived it as ‘the Pre-school lesson changing room’ and just needs telling.

You may find the mums who chat to him think they have the right to decide what’s ok. They don’t. But this is why talking to staff is the way to go.

Far more children in the ladies’ than the men’s, because far more mums take their dc to swimming lessons.

There’s an argument that no adults being in the men’s is safest, assuming the DC in there are old enough to know when/how to get help if there’s a problem. But more than one man is probably safest of all!

Why he is doing it doesn’t matter. He could be getting a kick out of seeing the old girls get changed, or he could be getting a kick out of crossing women’s boundaries, Either way, he shouldn’t be in there when his child is male and there is zero innocent reason for him to be there.

So a man is taking his young son into the female changing room? I can't see any justification for that at all. If it was his daughter I could understand his reasoning but it'd still be wrong.

Have a word with the swimming pool staff.

The law has been made very clear on this very issue in two rulings.

Where there are separate sex facilities for men and for women. The sex of the adult is the determining factor.

Where a child is under eight years old they go with the parent to the parents designated single sex space.

in this case it is pretty clear where he should be.

I would write a simple letter pointing that out and request that they speak tothe father as soon as possible.

Adults go into the right changing room for their sex.

When I used to take my boys swimming, once they got to about 8, they went into the mens BUT because my eldest is dyspraxic and struggled with dressing himself, especially when wet, what we actually did was on the way in, he'd have his trunks on underneath his clothes, and he'd just take them off and come straight through and hand them to me and I'd put them in a bag on the side. At the other end, I'd take a robe or a onsie out of that bag, he'd put it on and walk through the changing room, meanwhile I would very quickly jam joggers/jumper on and meet him the other side. They'd have change with them to get a snack from the machine in case I took 30seconds longer than I should!

Not ideal (family change would have been better), but worked for us.