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Weird friend of wider family member stalked my email and tried to tell me off

76 replies

Justfortodaysnonfun · 16/06/2026 07:40

Had the weirdest thing happen and just wondered if I’m a nutcase magnet or if people are just lunatics these days.

We are going through a tough time. My husband’s mum died and we had her funeral a month ago. I do not get on with his sister so have not seen her for a number of years as we live quite far away. At the funeral I was helping my FIL as his mobility is bad.

This woman came up to me and asked if I were Sally, his carer. I said no, I’m his son’s wife and she shrank away like I’d sprayed her with bleach. Later I was sat down with someone and she went to join them, saw me and pointedly moved her chair so she was not sat next to me. I didn’t know many people there, it was already uncomfortable due to estrangement from SIL, so to be treated like a leper by a stranger was very jarring.

I later find out this person is friends with my husbands sister and they aren’t close at the moment, and she’s seemingly trying to reestablish their friendship. Whatever, but understandably I’m not keen to see this person again.

Fast forward to now and my husbands father has been ill in hospital, and had a serious life threatening operation. He’s a very popular sort that everyone loves. It was so serious that my children took the day off school to see him before and we drove several hours to do so.

When we arrived at the hospital, this woman was there. She knew we were coming and could have easily left, but instead chose to get up and stand in front of me to apologise for mistaking me for a carer. I quite rightly said, I don’t care about that, why would I? She said she was embarrassed and I told her straight that this was not what happened, she treated me like a leper and it was very upsetting. She started talking about her friendship group and her not liking one of my SIL friends and I felt like I was transported back 35 years. This woman is over 50! I told her I did not care, she made a very difficult day harder and basically I just wanted her to go away. I know why she shrank away, she’s desperate to be in SIL good books and talking nicely to me would not help her cause. I was not friendly, but then why would I be? She truly upset me on a very tough day where I was very much alone (husband busy hosting, as he should).

She then kissed my FIL, told him she loved him and left. Weird, but good riddance. Hopefully I’ll never see her again.

At the weekend I opened my work emails to find this woman had stalked me to my place of work, where she decided to tell me off for being frosty to her and talking down to her. With a mild threatening warning to not speak to her like that again. This woman I do not know, who has placed herself deliberately in front of me twice. Now she is invading my work, my home life all at a time when we are really struggling. My husband has been away with his family on and off for 8 weeks and it’s really hard.

Why on earth would someone do this? She’s clearly mental as her email said things like ‘why did you speak to me like that when you should have been focusing on your FIL’. Well, you were standing in-between us you moron.

I cannot fathom a situation where I would do something like this. None. What is wrong with people?

OP posts:
ALovelyPinkUnicorn · 16/06/2026 07:43

Your work as in she sent it to your work
email address or your work emailed you to tell you?!

Justfortodaysnonfun · 16/06/2026 07:45

No my email address is online, so she found it and I checked my emails at the weekend.

OP posts:
OrsolaRosso · 16/06/2026 07:47

I think that I would have just taken her apology at face value and not responded as you did.

Justfortodaysnonfun · 16/06/2026 07:52

I get that, but it was so upsetting at the time, I just would have preferred to never see her again.

I think if you are going to behave like that and then make that person talk to you in a highly stressful environment, at a hugely stressful time, then you are a little bit unaware to say the least. I’m not a politician, I don’t always react in a measured way. Sometimes, emotions are involved.

OP posts:
Justfortodaysnonfun · 16/06/2026 07:54

I was not rude, I was just not friendly and I kept saying that she was very rude to me. I don’t think you owe someone comfort if they’ve deliberately been rude.

it may have gone differently if she’d been honest, but apologising for mistaking me for a carer is just disingenuous. I was acting like a carer.

OP posts:
Tigerbalmshark · 16/06/2026 07:57

Oh just block her and ignore. She is batshit. Don’t respond, it will just make her carry on.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 16/06/2026 07:57

My advice is to reply and ask her not to contact you again, nothing else, then block her and tell HR in case her behaviour escalates. You don't need to go into detail, but protect yourself.

Owly11 · 16/06/2026 08:00

You were extremely rude. She apologised to you and you threw a load of accusations at her about behaviour of hers at the funeral that was just your own interpretation of what you thought she was doing. She didn't actually do anything bad to you at the funeral other than swerve you which is absolutely ok for her to do. You sound a very difficult person so it doesn't surprise me that you are having problems with your in laws side of the family.

lordbaddingham · 16/06/2026 08:03

It may be the way you've described it, but it doesn't sound like she did anything particularly heinous and then had tried to apologise and you could have graciously accepted which would have de-escalated the situation while you were visiting your FIL. However her actions in emailing you at work were completely batshit to the extent that I'm guessing you undersold how bad her behaviour was before this. That is bonkers.

PinkMagnoliaTree · 16/06/2026 08:05

reply

DO ONE YOU NUTTER

inigomontoyahwillcox · 16/06/2026 08:07

Yes, reply to tell her not to contact you again. At least then if she continues to contact you, it will be classified as harassment if it got to the stage of needing to get the police involved.

Reacting to her at the hospital in the way you did probably didn’t help, but I get why you did. It also seems very odd why she was there and clearly quite intimate with your DFIL (the kiss/“I love you”). Seems more than just a friend (or ex friend) of your SIL? She is indeed batshit.

ThirdStorm · 16/06/2026 08:08

People saying you were rude, maybe you were, so what? She had inserted herself into private family moments and made life more difficult. You owe her nothing and why should you just accept her apology. Block.

Canoodler · 16/06/2026 08:11

Tigerbalmshark · 16/06/2026 07:57

Oh just block her and ignore. She is batshit. Don’t respond, it will just make her carry on.

Agree.

DwarfPalmetto · 16/06/2026 08:15

Don't respond, don't feed the troll. Just block her.

It doesn't matter what's wrong with her, you don't owe her anything.

Justfortodaysnonfun · 16/06/2026 08:17

I don’t think I was prepared for someone who treated me that way to turn around and do a half apology. And I don’t think I realised quite how much the day upset me until she shoved herself in front of me again.

I know some people are super cool in these situations but I was so stressed on the day of the funeral - I was having to put years of stress with his family aside, with my SIL, and just try and get through the day. My MIL was lovely woman and my husband was so upset.

I have no ill feelings towards my SIL, she has her own issues, but we do not get on and it’s better that we do not try.

The treatment was so unexpected, and so brutal that it jarred me quietly for days. I didn’t want to se that person again.

OP posts:
Justfortodaysnonfun · 16/06/2026 08:18

Thank you to those who responded.

x

OP posts:
Larrythecatforpm · 16/06/2026 08:19

Tell her if she contacts you again you’ll go to the police for harrasment.

oliviaAustin · 16/06/2026 08:24

Just block her email. I get why you reacted how you did - she was making your difficult time all about her. Bizarre woman.

WeddingInvitation · 16/06/2026 08:27

Block her. Put it behind you.

honeylulu · 16/06/2026 08:28

To be honest she didn't sound too bad until she got hold of your work email and contacted you to have a go, so maybe your first instincts were right!

But I still think you escalated this unnecessarily.

My take on things - she asked if you were a carer (which you agree is an honest mistake), when you said no she suddenly felt embarrassed and awkward and tried to avoid you at the wake after that. Then at the hospital she apologised and tried to clear the air, perhaps clumsily with some waffly excuses that went on too long and you were downright rude and ungracious.

She then sent you an email to tell you so. That's the bit that is out of order. But maybe you are two of a kind and both lack social skills.

Backedoffhackedoff · 16/06/2026 08:32

She’s def an attention whore and these people quite often seem to thrive at grief/ funerals to make all about them. Shocking behaviour.

i would block her and try and forget about it. For attention seekers any attention is good, even negative.

hope your FIl is better

Justfortodaysnonfun · 16/06/2026 08:50

I don’t think any of us are perfect and I’ve given an honest account here, including what would be considered my failings. Yes I could have let it go and I would have, but I was pretty angry that this person put themselves in front of me again, at an equally stressful time, trying to make themselves part of it.

Prior to the funeral I had no idea this person existed, I did not want an apology, especially one that was a lie. Am I filling in the gaps? Yes, but I’m pretty good at this and I was clearly not wrong that this person has some bizarre motives.

FIL seems to be on the mend, which did not seem possible, thank you for asking. We were in a situation where both of my husbands parents could have passed away in a matter of weeks - I do not really want any outside noise. I’m still in a bit of shock at it all.

The worst part of this woman’s behaviour is the work email thing. My job is quite stressful at times, as they all are, and I’m scared of my inbox on an average day - that was surreal. Receiving an email from a stranger telling me that it’s not all about me. I don’t think it'll ever be topped.

OP posts:
FluffMagnet · 16/06/2026 09:07

Who on earth goes out of their way to put themselves in front of a stranger, twice, both at times they know the stranger will be significantly distressed, and act in an obnoxious way? Is this an attempt by SIL to get you out the picture at family events?

I would tell HR about the email, just in case it escalates, but otherwise I think you need to block and ignore. If you see her again in person, swerve her best as possible. Can hospital staff stop her visiting FIL?

Ineedanewsofa · 16/06/2026 09:12

Right click, scroll down, block.
No one comes off well in this story but she has massively overstepped by sending anything to you, especially at work. utterly bonkers.

Justfortodaysnonfun · 16/06/2026 09:15

I think it was a genuine mistake, and she might have been embarrassed but you’d just collect your thoughts and then apologise an hour later. That’s what I’d do. I did not react in any way at this time, I was smiling in fact. Then she shrank away.

The thing that was upsetting was that she went to sit down at a table I was sat at, an hour or so later, saw me and visibly jolted, and then picked up a chair and moved it to the other side of a person sat there. It was the most bizarre thing. The chair was next to me, and she intended to talk to the same people I was talking to. It was very clear she didn’t want to be seen sat next to me.

So there’s accidents, bizarreness and the hospital which I think was out of order.

OP posts:
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