AIBU for refusing an expensive pre-booked weekend away with in-laws?

[Floff1]

AIBU for not wanting to go on a weekend away with in laws.
Somewhere was pre booked without warning, no heads up for pricing etc then got told to pay over £200pp for a 2 night stay, a few people dropped out and now the price has increased over £100. That's over £600 for myself and partner. We can't afford it, living literally week by week just to put food on the table, we don't air our finances but it's no secret to them that we struggle.
I'm a bit annoyed that something was booked with no mention of a "hey thinking of doing this are you OK with it/ what's your price range" or similar.
I've mentioned to my DH that he needs to say something because if we drop out the price will increase again for others, and i dont like the thought or burdening others, he keeps saying he will sort it but nothing.
Not only this but this weekend away means my family of 6 will be sharing one bedroom, which doesn't really appeal to me forking out this much money (which we don't have anyway) to all share one room when a few others will have rooms to themselves even though they are partners.
I dunno. Am I overthinking and causing unnecessary problems in my own head?

Dear Mil,
We did not agree to this. We are not doing it.

Rinse and repeat. And sort out your useless husband.

Do nothing. When they email or call asking for the money, act incredulous. Say that you never at any point said you were going and why did they ever think you were? Keep saying it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work for you.

If you don't make a stand at some point, this will be a forever thing. so what if other people have to pay more? That is not of your making.

They are being CFs. They want time away but for other people to pay for it and WTF is the six in a room thing? Is it a Youth Hostel?

Why are some partners getting their own room?

I agree with the poster suggesting your husband take the kids without you - this will guarantee he never does anything like this again and steps up sooner

how do I say I'm not having 6 of us in one bloody room?

You say 6 is too much for one room so you will be putting the oldest 2 in with the grandparents

Let him go himself and figure out how food will be put on the table in the next weeks.

He sounds like a bit of a wet.

I definitely wouldn't go.

You're an adult woman who was capable of getting through 4 pregnancies and raising 4 children. You are unreasonable for not speaking up far earlier and nipping this in the bud from the outset.

Bit of a bold, incorrect, statement to make there.

Neither of us agreed to it.

Neither of us agreed to it.

So, just tell them, and tell them to stop trying to guilt trip you because it won't work.

They might tantrum, but leave them to it. Once you start standing up to them more they will stop trying to pull stunts like this.

how do I say I'm not having 6 of us in one bloody room?
You say, 'I'm not having 6 of us in one bloody room.'
To your DH or to the in-laws, whichever way it happens.
If he accuses you of not liking his family, ask him to engage properly in the conversation. Say liking or not liking is irrelevant; you will not have 6 people in one room, and you won't have someone else pay for you (I wouldn't; it will turn into a stick to beat you with in the future).

How can it be incorrect, as far as they are concerned you are going.

At some point you or your DH have agreed you are going, otherwise you would be one of the ones that had dropped out.

“Hi Mother in law.
Im afraid your son is a bit of a wet blanket. He should have told you when this trip was first announced that we wouldn’t be going . He hasn’t so I’m giving you the heads up now. Have a nice weekend x”

That is what l would send and I would not give a reason why I’m not going.

If she asks why just roll out the MN line “That does not work for us” if she pushes, then “that does not work for us for a multitude of reasons, none of which I’m prepared to discuss. We will not be coming so let’s just leave it at that.”

Say "no sorry we can't afford it" and if they moan, let that be a very expensive lesson to them.

This. Your husband is a spineless twat.

if your DH won’t cancel, you should cancel.

If your DH insists on going, let him go with the children, and you stay at home and get a break.

I think if he has full responsibility for 4 children for a weekend that both your DH and your ILs might not want a repeat!

If you decide to go that route prepare your children in advance, don’t spring it on them at last minute.

You @Floff1 at the very least need to stand your ground by your decision not to go.

Your H should as well.

Do this once/twice then the family will get the message that you need to be asked first.

You are parents yourselves now start being head of your family and tell the rest to “fuck off” basically but nicely.

My DH used to trot out the line that I didn't like his family. Not true at all - his family are nice enough. Every time he said it, I would go ballistic at him and explain very clearly exactly why I didn't want to do something or other with his family (usually a clash or work or something totally unrelated to not liking them).
Do you never stand up to anyone and have it out with people? You should try it, it's very cathartic. I don't take any shit off anyone these days.

No but having £600 still available for something else benefits OP and her family.

“please stop booking trips for us without A) asking if we can actually afford it and B) asking if we are free and actually want to come.”

Indeed. I won’t be going to the next family thing dh has, because I’m so fucking time poor and if he wants to be supported to go out a few times that month then something has to give and it is damn well not going to be my sanity and health.

I'd refuse to go and clearly state that this is a problem of their own making as they didn't check before booking: you can't afford to go and you wouldn't share with 6 of you in a room.

My DH would rather stick pins in his eye balls than upset any of his relatives. Not sure why. But he's less worried about upsetting me

Why are you with someone that puts you in last place @PinkEasterbunny?

He's great apart from that! But we've had some issues, quite similar to the ones in this thread, and he daren't say boo to his sister.

Sorry of this has been addressed before but are they charging per person rather than per room?

So are the couples having 2 rooms expected to pay £100 per person and you’re 6 in one room and also expected to pay £100 per person?