AIBU for refusing an expensive pre-booked weekend away with in-laws?

[Floff1]

AIBU for not wanting to go on a weekend away with in laws.
Somewhere was pre booked without warning, no heads up for pricing etc then got told to pay over £200pp for a 2 night stay, a few people dropped out and now the price has increased over £100. That's over £600 for myself and partner. We can't afford it, living literally week by week just to put food on the table, we don't air our finances but it's no secret to them that we struggle.
I'm a bit annoyed that something was booked with no mention of a "hey thinking of doing this are you OK with it/ what's your price range" or similar.
I've mentioned to my DH that he needs to say something because if we drop out the price will increase again for others, and i dont like the thought or burdening others, he keeps saying he will sort it but nothing.
Not only this but this weekend away means my family of 6 will be sharing one bedroom, which doesn't really appeal to me forking out this much money (which we don't have anyway) to all share one room when a few others will have rooms to themselves even though they are partners.
I dunno. Am I overthinking and causing unnecessary problems in my own head?

The person who booked without consulting anyone was taking a huge risk. That risk is now crystallising as people do not agree to their decision. It was never your risk, the consequences should not be your burden. Definitely do not go and do not waste such an enormous amount of money. It is not your family’s responsibility to make up for their mistake! Just tell them ASAP in case they are able to get a refund or something.

I wouldn’t tell them, it’s your partners family so it’s up to him to tell them. If they booked it without your agreement then you’re under no obligation to do anything, they’re about to find out what ‘play stupid games, win stupid prizes’ means.

So this couple who wants separate rooms get a room each to themselves, whilst continuing to pay the amount, whilst you are meant to squeeze six into a room! The batshittery gets worse!

OP, I’ve got a feeling you’re going to go, because if you were going to pull out you’d have already done so, and your DH is clearly under the thumb of his parents. If he won’t sort this, he’s effectively leaving you £600 out of pocket that you can’t afford because he hasn’t got the guts to stand up to his parents - you must have lost respect for him, and your relationship can’t be in a good place when that happens.

@Floff1 if your dh isn’t going to say anything then you need to. Why put yourself through unnecessary stress, these people are trampling all over you.
Ring the organiser up and tell them enough is enough, you will not be going on a break you can’t afford and weren’t consulted on.
If you pay up and go this will just keep happening.

If you say nothing then they think it’s fine. Your husband needs to speak with them to say, please stop booking things without my permission. We cannot afford it and it wouldn’t be comfortable to squeeze us all into one room. We are not going. If they kick off then just ignore them. If you stop going then theyll
stop doing it, as it will cost them.

That's insane. in our family it might get booked and paid for and an Invite if there's a spare room. No expectations of someone paying for something they haven't agreed and had some input in to choosing. You need to contact your in-laws.

This is perfect. Have you messaged them, @Floff1?

Why is DH letting them dictate how they spend money hes not got?? Why not say at the out set; “No we can’t come sorry, as no one consulted us before booking, we can’t afford this, pls take us off the booking. Unless, you are treating us dear mother?”

It wouldn't happen often if your husband wasn't such a wet lettuce and said no every time.

Why has he not yet told them you aren't going? You have a DH problem here.

Absolutely refuse to go.

Your in laws need to learn to check with people/get buy in before booking or face the cost.

This!! DH should have insisted they take him off the booking the moment he found out. Absolutely nuts that you are going to end up going on this extortionate trip, with 6 in your room, whilst the person next door, is paying the same price for a room on their own?!! And DH isnt kicking up a fuss??

Crazy not to say a firm and solid NO right away! Other people don't get to spend your money for you. If your DH is too spineless to say then you'll have to. And tell them in no uncertain terms not to ever do that again. They sound awful.

It needs to be done, so tell your DH he does it right now or you just do it. Waiting isnt great or they will say you knew and didn't say. At the same time I would say please dont pre book things for us without discussing.

I don't know you OP but I'll be very cross and disappointed if you go on this trip.

id reply all and say I know dh has told you we can’t go. We’re sorry to miss out but we simply can’t afford it. It would also be hard work to stay 6 in a bedroom, I think for future trips we are also out if that’s the only sleeping option. Have a lovely time!

and ignore the fuck out of them. Be more like the others who dropped out! Not your problem, I hope it costs them ££££.

We physically do not have that amount of money in our accounts so we won't be paying.
I do have a feeling someone else will say they will pay for us, who won't expect the full amount paid back to them.. and then if that happens how do I say I'm not having 6 of us in one bloody room?

You're old enough to be married and have had 4 children. How are you hesitating to say exactly this? Just say it, 'we don't want to be squeezed into one room and that's why we won't be coming.'

If you can't afford it, why are you agonising over the whole thing? surely it's a straight thanks but no thanks.

Both you and your husband need to just learn to use your words.

6 in one bedroom?
Absolutely not.
"Thank you but no" on a loop.
Don't explain or get into it. Just no, not happening.

Don’t go. Let them know now you can’t afford it and even if you could there’s no way you would all share one room.

Say: "sorry MIL, we are unable to come. If we had been asked before booking we would have said no then. Money is tight at the moment, and 6 of us sleeping in the same room is not a relaxing break. Please ask us before booking in future."

My DM used to try do this - she would pay to be fair, but it would mean missing a different holiday that I'd had planned because of leave etc. I definitely would not go on a holiday that was not my choice if I had to pay.
I was so upset about missing my own holiday after I went along with it the first time, that I point blank refused the second time. She never did it again. She was clearly really upset, and kept asking my siblings why I hadn't come. I had to just be honest with her that I didn't want to, I didn't have time, and I had other holidays booked. I knew I needed to break the cycle of her thinking she could do this. She thought she was being kind and generous, but to me it felt like she was controlling me with her money.
Just think about it - you're a grown adult, so no one can bundle you into a car and drive you there against your will, like you can with a young child, and no one can force you to move money from your bank account into hers (and it sounds like the money isn't available to move anyway), so as long you do not do any of those things then the problem is sorted. In fact, if you do just go anyway, and do find the money from somewhere anyway, then you are kind of being complicit in the whole thing.
In this situation, I would already have assumed that I wasn't going, and I would assume that DH had already told her, and the message to pay money was just a mistake, and I would be repeating "I'm not going, the kids aren't going, I'm not transferring any money" to my DH, every single time the holiday was mentioned. And I just wouldn't go - I wouldn't bother messaging MIL, because that's DH's problem.

You should have told them straight away that you're not going and also that they are not to book things for you without consultation in the future! Frankly, I'm baffled that people don't deal with these things head on. It's outrageous to book something without knowing a) if you want to go and b) what you can afford to spend!

If it’s been months then your DH has had a long time to sort this out. He could have worked a second job, he could have said more or he could have asked for more than one room.

Has he said why he hasn’t sorted it?

I don't understand this at all. Not helped by the OP being full of passive voice, with things being booked and people being told as if these are just natural phenomena that just occur, rather than, actual people doing and saying things - which other people have the chance to react and reply to.

So how does this happen?

"Hey, we've booked a weekend away" - "Lovely, hope you have a nice time!"
"You're coming too! " - "What!? No we're not, we can't afford a weekend away."

Can someone explain what happens next?

Perfect you can pull out now and not feel guilty .