AIBU for refusing an expensive pre-booked weekend away with in-laws?

[Floff1]

AIBU for not wanting to go on a weekend away with in laws.
Somewhere was pre booked without warning, no heads up for pricing etc then got told to pay over £200pp for a 2 night stay, a few people dropped out and now the price has increased over £100. That's over £600 for myself and partner. We can't afford it, living literally week by week just to put food on the table, we don't air our finances but it's no secret to them that we struggle.
I'm a bit annoyed that something was booked with no mention of a "hey thinking of doing this are you OK with it/ what's your price range" or similar.
I've mentioned to my DH that he needs to say something because if we drop out the price will increase again for others, and i dont like the thought or burdening others, he keeps saying he will sort it but nothing.
Not only this but this weekend away means my family of 6 will be sharing one bedroom, which doesn't really appeal to me forking out this much money (which we don't have anyway) to all share one room when a few others will have rooms to themselves even though they are partners.
I dunno. Am I overthinking and causing unnecessary problems in my own head?

I read it as £200 for a two night stay per person? Now increased to £300 (£600 for the weekend). Either way, it's unreasonable to book it without telling people the cost and when you know they're struggling financially.

Yes 2 nights. But £300 a night to share a room with your children is ridiculous.

Yes. I'd want a whole wee cottage for that money.

You should be very firm with DH and say you will not put up with him agreeing to expensive holidays you can't afford and don't want. He is the problem not your in-laws. If he doesn't get you out of this, you at least can refuse to go this time, and he can take the kids on his own if they want to go.

I went on a variety of holidays with the in-laws for ten years, and some were really badly planned, rubbish accommodation for kids etc. I tried to be grateful. Here’s the thing though- they paid for it. If they’re expecting you to pay then they need to consult with you properly.

Your Dh has been an absolute wimp not to say anything. Tbh I would have got stuck in before this but I agree with the pp who said tell your Dh if he hasn’t bitten the bullet by 6pm tomorrow you will. Actually if I’m honest I would do it because my worry here is that he will attempt to tell them, they will push back and he will fold.

If your DH cannot tell them no. You need to tell them no. Say you cannot afford it. And that whilst you appreciate the gesture and their desire for you to join them, you will not be doing so on this occasion.

Isn’t there a free room going after others dropped out?

I think your DH needs to clarify whether he actually agreed to this as I think he may have done

If you want to go then pay the original price. It’s not your problem someone else dropped out! Or just say you can’t go but you really
should have done that before - well your husband should

Good question

Why WOULD you want to go? Why would you do it?

It’s ridiculous. Pull out quickly. Maybe it will become unsustainable and they’ll cancel. That’s fine.

"Sorry I can't get that time off work, someone else already booked holiday that week" is another one.

(I used to work with someone whose MIL was always pulling this one with surprise cruises for the whole family, one of which did clash with my existing holiday, another one meant she had to cancel her previously booked leave because she hadn't got enough for both that and the cruise. Her MIL never did learn.)

How on earth have you got into a situation where the in-laws book a trip without you even being aware of it? It’s beyond absurd.

I’d just laugh at them and walk away from the whole thing.

How come some other attendees get their own room even though they are part of a couple, but you are expected to share 6 to a room? There’s some other dynamic going on here, sounds like you will be subbing other people. I’d say no simply for that, let alone the ridiculous cost that you can’t afford.

Absolutely refuse! You can't afford it and cannot magic up the money. It is not your responsibility to protect other family members from the consequences of the stupid decision of the person who made the booking, and everyone is equally entitled to refuse, you don't get restricted right of refusal as the pool of potential attendees shrinks. 6 people in one room at a price you don't actually have the money for is a terrible idea. Please don't do it.

I have always said NO when someone tries to blind-side me like this. You dont order something without authority and then go around demanding contributions. No wonder people dropped out.

I had this with my NDN when we agreed to share the cost of a fence and she was tasked with getting examples and quotes for us to discuss. Suddenly a gang of cowboys arrived in a scruffy old pickup. They put in a fence comprising re-cycled panels which looked like something from the third world. My neighbour tried to get £600 for my contribution. At the same time the cowboys had done other work for her and she was clearly trying to get me to subsidise that. I told her I did not accept the figure represented the true cost of such a scruffy fence. I demanded sight of an invoice on letter head with a breakdown of materials, labour and vat. Of course she could not produce the paperwork as she had paid cash in hand.

They actually booked something without asking anyone about cost, dates, conditions, location etc? Inlaws can suck it up, it's no-ones liability but their own.

There was...until someone asked to have seperate bedrooms from their partner, which got the "yes absolutely" response

He didn't, he's never involved in any planning of things, just gets told and asked for money

Because there's a hierarchy going on, but I never said that 😉
DH hasn't even spoken to them in weeks now when they use to check in with him at least once a week. Feels like they only ever did when something was needed from him

@Floff1 Email them now. Tell them you each thought the other had already told the ILs that you weren't able to go, so consequently you're pulling out.

Don't go into details - it really is none of their business.

If they're not bothering to have contact with your DH/kids, then why let this fester any longer.

Your DH should have put his foot down with his parents long ago Op, it's not their place to book holidays without asking. If he won't man up and tell them you'll have to be the bad guy, tell them you can't go.

The thing is, if you don't make a stand then you're enabling the behaviour and it will never stop. Tell them first thing today that you can't afford the trip and won't be going. Also make it clear that they are never again to book anything without checking in with you first about availability and affordability.

Goodness knows how you're supposed to sleep with six in one room! Is there even space and enough mattresses?

How on earth will you sleep 6 in one bedroom? Refuse to go on that basis alone and get Your DH to inform them pronto.

Your ILs are obviously unreasonable to do this, but you DH is equally stupid for letting them think he's going for months and then (presumably) cancelling at the last minute. I appreciate he never agreed to it but he also didn't disagree and now others will have to pay more.

Unless they're all complicit of course? In which case perhaps it'll teach them an expensive lesson about spending other people's money.