AIBU for refusing an expensive pre-booked weekend away with in-laws?

[Floff1]

AIBU for not wanting to go on a weekend away with in laws.
Somewhere was pre booked without warning, no heads up for pricing etc then got told to pay over £200pp for a 2 night stay, a few people dropped out and now the price has increased over £100. That's over £600 for myself and partner. We can't afford it, living literally week by week just to put food on the table, we don't air our finances but it's no secret to them that we struggle.
I'm a bit annoyed that something was booked with no mention of a "hey thinking of doing this are you OK with it/ what's your price range" or similar.
I've mentioned to my DH that he needs to say something because if we drop out the price will increase again for others, and i dont like the thought or burdening others, he keeps saying he will sort it but nothing.
Not only this but this weekend away means my family of 6 will be sharing one bedroom, which doesn't really appeal to me forking out this much money (which we don't have anyway) to all share one room when a few others will have rooms to themselves even though they are partners.
I dunno. Am I overthinking and causing unnecessary problems in my own head?

You are not overthinking. No one should book you on to something that costs so much money without discussing it with you. I wonder whether it was discussed with your partner though?

What kind of accommodation have they booked that would allow six people in one room

We are away in July to an airbnb with my inlaws and our room could sleep six. One king size bed, 2 sets of bunks.

I'd bypass your dh and tell them myself. That way you know exactly what has been said.

If someone else does offer to pay and you've already said to him you're not going so it'll be him solo parenting... does that mean problem solved?

OP have you checked that 6 people will be allowed in one room ?
If hotel - usually not.

My ex was like and it was partly denial, partly simply dealing with whatever was in front of his face at the time with no thought to the consequences or any sort of forward plan. So mum is in front of him, he pleases her to get away from the conversation with no thought for the bigger problem later

Mine tried this a couple of times - no warning just "this is happening on this weekend you will be there". We would only say yes if it worked for us. There was tantrumming the first few times we said no but then they learnt that they needed to engage with us rather just expecting us to cancel plans or shell out money that we hadn't budgeted for. We just ignored their tantrums until they got the message that it didn't get them what they wanted.

btw I have had this situation with the in laws and in am air bnb but only 4 people to a double room not 6.

i don’t know or tbh care whether it was allowed or not- that’s the problem of the person who made the booking. Since I didn’t actually want to be there sleeping with 3 other people it was the least of my worries

DH says "you don't like my family"

Well that’s true isn’t it? And for good reason because they clearly don’t like or respect him.

Be the bad buy because his passivity will impact you and your family financially - that’s £600 your children will be deprived of. If you leave it to DH knowing how he is, that’s you agreeing to this. You can’t continue to put the blame solely on him when you’ve decided to wash your hands of it.

Sounds like it would be miserable!

You said it’s £600 for you and your partner. How much extra are your children?

So stop the emojis, this is not funny it’s really not on. The fact you are second guessing yourself says a lot . Find your anger!! I’d be telling them you aren’t going and that they need to speak to their son about it. Do not put sorry in your message. Do not offer reasons for not going as this will sound like the start of a negotiation to them or an invitation to persuade you.

You need to tell them straight out right now:

"Sorry but we can not afford this. And for future references you need to check with us BEFORE booking anything as besides not having the means to afford the trip we always like to have our own room. Thank you for understanding."

I’d have been cross enough with being told where I was expected to go and when, without even a conversation, let alone it being so expensive and being expected six of you to cram in together!
Get your husband to message them today and say it’s too expensive and you don’t have any spare funds and that it’s not ok to all be shoved into one room. See what she says.

Hi MiL, you keep sending messages about this weekend away, not quite sure why, as it has never been discussed. Assume you added us in error?

My first serious partner of mine had parents who organised a week-long holiday every year in the same place (Lake District) and everyone (they had 5 kids) and their partners was expected to attend. Everything was regimented as to what was done every day.

At least two of the other siblings partners hated it, had told their partners so but their partners were too chicken to say anything in previous years about not going.

I told my partner I wouldn't be going again and they were terrified! "Mum won't like that, we have to go, we always go".

Reader, I broke up with them very soon afterwards.

Who said this to you? The in laws or your DH? If it was the in laws did you not respond and say oh has DH not told you we aren’t going?

It’s his family so I would leave him to sort it out and if any back lash comes back on you I would say he said he told you weeks ago we couldn’t afford it.

I’d be saying no purely for the fact it was pre booked without even asking. If in-laws want to pay for others then that’s fine, they can have more control over dates etc but they don’t get to book a trip when they choose and then tell people it’s done and ask for money.

stand firm.

This. Absolutely.

You know what will happen here, your husband will keep his mouth shut and get you both into debt to go on the trip. Then there will surely be additional costs associated with the holiday ie food and attractions so for six of you. I think you need a serious discussion with your husband about sorting this today. If he tries to blame you ask him why he has been making you live week to week when he has savings stashed away.

Ah okay, so this is what happens.

You agree to go on these holidays, then when it's time to pay, you say you haven't got any money and someone else pays for you.

It explains the conundrum why neither of you have used your words and said no, you're hoping if you hold out long enough someone else will pay. Now all you're worried about is having 6 people in one room on your holiday, which has been an issue from the get go, maybe you were hoping when people dropped out you'd be offered the extra room too.

Sounds like a weird game you and DH play with his family, as no one is this much of a wet blanket in real life.

I would just have an honest conversation with the IL that does all the booking or the IL that your DH is closest to and say ‘look, this is really difficult but we can’t afford these prices for going away. We haven’t got the money. It isn’t that we don’t want to be with you but We need to be consulted before money gets spent on our behalf “

He can go without you if someone else pays. He can't take family money that will leave you with nothing to spend over the summer, just to avoid annoying his irrational mum.

No, no way, and hell no.

Perfect, he can go on his own with the kids. Then, when he can't use you as buffer against his overbearing parents he may just learn to stand up to them. lots of men push their wives into spending time with their unpleasant families so the women can act as a buffer and absorb most of the unpleasantness.

the 'you don't like my family' is an emotional blackmail tactic. Ignore it. He won't use it again if it doesn't get the results he wants.

No one wants to be shoehorned into a holiday not of their choosing, only to be squashed into one room with their family. My idea of hell.

Easier to agree that you don’t like his family enough to be coerced into debt and to share one room. I’d just say I’m not going and leave him to sort it out.

Apart from the cheek of booking without getting everyone’s agreement first, is the property owner even going to be ok with your in-laws packing in guests six-to-a-room? I’d think there’d be something in the Ts& Cs about occupancy. The property might not be equipped with enough stuff to handle this many people. It doesn’t sound very comfortable.