My Dad married a woman twenty years younger, he will likely die before her. Does that mean I am unlikely to inherit?

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I think it does doesn’t it?

Exactly this.

And that sort of inheritance pattern once would have been a very automatic thing in the UK as well.

The stark truth is that there is so much complexity these days with modern family set-ups that the "I owe my dc nothing" view has in large part been hauled in out of necessity, more or less, to help people deal with the guilt or awkwardness of estates that otherwise don't cover the stresses on them.

I don't think you're grabby at all, I think it's a natural thing to wonder. Of course people don't have the right to inherit but surely in most happy families it's what happens. I would want my assets passed onto my children, sod the donkeys.

I initially thought the same but reading op’s responses I don’t think so.

So do I. As a PP has said, talking about power of attorney is a good way into a general conversation about this. I bless the day my parents' solicitor advised them to draw up powers of attorney at the same time as making new wills. It has made things so much easier since my Dad died and I have taken over managing my Mum's money.

It's a tricky situation, I visited my father this weekend and we had a long discussion about this as he has recently had a terminal cancer diagnosis and may have a year or maybe 10 to love depending on treatment. Fortunately my dad is a planner so we were going through his will and considerable assets.
20ish years ago he finally divorced my mum and his current partner is 25 years younger than him. Both my brother and I have been very clear that we expect nothing from him and he is free to do what he wants.
He's actually decided on a straight 3 way split between myself, my brother and her leaving us with somewhere between 200 and 250k each but if he decided to leave it all to her I would not object.
For clarity when he left my mother he gave up all financial assets including a half million euro house and the full contents of their bank accounts for a complete financial settlement.

It depends on the father's residence. In Scotland and in certain other countries, any child has an automatic right to an inheritance no matter what is in the will.

Hopefully he has made a will OP. I think it would be terrible for her to inherit and you do not, as his daughter. Some men are stupid though.

Please just ask him so it’s not rolling around in your head for the rest of his life.

I was supposed to inherit from grandparents. An uncle manoeuvred it so he got everything. I was supposed to inherit from dad (very similar set up to yours, married a younger woman/no kids). She actually died first. But I still didn't inherit from him because their debts were so big there was no money left despite their appearing fairly wealthy on the surface, even owned a massive home.

Nothing is guaranteed, even when it looks certain (my step mother dying first, dad supposedly leaving everything to me).

Just accept you won't get anything and if you do, it's a bonus. Wish your dad a long and happy life and appreciate you won't have to care for him.

Your father could set up a trust so that you’d get an inheritance when his wife dies. And you’d like to think that a parent would make sure that happened.

Whilst it’s technically “none of your business,” I think most of the PPs giving you a hard time would also be pretty pissed off in similar circumstances. It’s not as if the new wife can claim to have helped him build up his assets, so why does she get to hoover them up on his earlier, (than her), death?

Which is not to say your Dad’s blameless. He didn’t need to get married again. He could make (perhaps he has) arrangements so she only has a lifetime interest.

I genuinely don't understand why competent adults think they have any right to their parents' money (I accept that it's different for adults with disabilities who are therefore still dependent). Isn't it a bit embarrassing to still be expecting parents (via inheritance) to fund us once we are independent?

That's such a negligent attitude.

EVERYONE should have a will.
There is a real lack of knowledge on this.

Having a will makes it clear for everyone and can save legal nightmares when someone dies.

It's not a good idea to be dealing with grief and funerals at the same time as wondering what happens to assets.

In the UK people seem in general, squeamish about discussing death and wills.
In fact death has become the new sex- not to be talked about and referred to now as 'passing' rather than 'died'.

My parents gave me a copy of their wills when they were in their 70s (they are still alive in their 90s) but at least it's all clear what they want.

That is similar here but I think the wife automatically would get the marital home. Then everything is divided similar to what you said. My mil died intestate and that's what happened.

On the contrary most people I know want their children to have their assets and make a difference to their lives.

It's not a 'right' but it's something most parents want. We do a lot of inheritance planning with our financial advisor.

It depends what is in his will. You'd have to ask him about that. Would you be comfortable asking him?

Of course it’s natural to wonder - MN is sooo negative about inheritance questions! It’s not entitlement - in many families parents work hard to then traditionally leave things to their children. Children end up also caring for their elderly parents just as the parents looked after them in their lifetime. Of course the choice is ultimately down to them what they do, and as someone said they may well donate it to a donkey sanctuary but it’s not unusual to wonder in these circumstances.

My dad married a woman of similar age, and unless its in his will to leave anything to me and my sister it will all go to my stepmum. I've never spoken to him about it, its up to my dad what he wants to do.

They could set it up so that they each own half of the house so that half would go to you, and not her.

If youve done POA you could ask him if hes done a will so you can store the copy in the same place

I never said that at all. I said I’d like her to have the house in fact

..and even more likely in Scotland. There, children (and spouses) are entitled to a proportion of moveable estate.

You don't need to sound so pleased or judgemental about it.

The truth is that both women should be accommodated. My friend inherited nothing from her dad. He left everything to his second wife. I think my friend did find it difficult to raise the topic and hasn’t. She was utterly shocked after his death. Her DS was left a car. He owned several apparently. Yes, it was true he was cared for a couple of months by his wife, but she definitely replaced his DD.

Most people on second marriages don’t have mirror wills because this definitely allows the surviving spouse to write a new will and write out the DSCs. It’s better to leave the house for lifetime use by the surviving spouse. This cannot then be sold by the spouse or gifted to their DC.

I agree it’s reasonable to discuss these matters. Only on MN is it not seen as acceptable. My friend didn’t realise or think for a second she would get £0. Her dad was worth a bit and her DS could have done with a house deposit. In addition, her DH is in the same position except he and his siblings have been told they are getting the house after her death. They have had a discussion and their dad is fair and reasonable. So yes, approach the subject - there’s no fool like an old fool

Well then why isn’t inheritance tax 100% on all assets for everyone? If expecting inheritance is such a wacky idea.

Looking at it from the other side, me and DH have paid off our mortgage and have adult children. I would be utterly disgusted for our house not to end up going to them, in full, when we die. And no, it’s not a million pound house so no IHT on it.

I'll add that - no matter what is in the will - under Scottish law children are entitled to one third of the moveable estate divided equally amongst them: that includes bank accounts, cars, jewellery etc.

When my DH died, I'm certain that his children expected more. They hadn't taken into consideration that I was the breadwinner and that he only had a relatively small pension: he had to stop working sooner than he'd expected, because of his health. (His ex got the bulk of the money from the marital home and they kept their separate pensions. She also inherited all of her affair partner's estate, as it turned out.)

He hadn't updated his will to include his grandchild, but had told me what to pass on to them.

Because kids were assholes about it?