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My Dad married a woman twenty years younger, he will likely die before her. Does that mean I am unlikely to inherit?

330 replies

00K · 01/06/2026 07:24

I think it does doesn’t it?

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 01/06/2026 13:32

Allseeingallknowing · 01/06/2026 13:31

Remember Linda Bellingham? Look how that worked out!

I don't really remember?

bovrilormarmite · 01/06/2026 13:34

Allseeingallknowing · 01/06/2026 13:26

You could have a discussion- he may want you to inherit, but hasn’t thought the implications of marrying her.

Exactly. I think it’s fine to ask, in case he’s unaware of what could happen if he does nothing. As long as his wishes are carried out, that’s what matters. We had a family situation where there was no will and due to a child having pre deceased them, a set of grandkids were cut out. There’s no way that was the intention of the deceased. Luckily the beneficiaries all agreed to do a deed of variation.

Vivienne1000 · 01/06/2026 13:48

cupfinalchaos · 01/06/2026 13:24

No one has a crystal ball. Dementia care for example is extortionate.

Yes. That is true.
that is why we save. I want to be able to choose where either of us go, if we have to!

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 01/06/2026 14:00

Papster · 01/06/2026 13:04

Except that intestacy isn’t what is being asked about

It's a good place to start. If you look at this, you see what would happen if you didn't make a will. Then you can think if that's what you want, and if not, you can start to decide what you do want. If the OP's father had a will before he married, it will now be invalid unless it was made explicitly in anticipation of this marriage. If he hasn't got round to making a new will, he will indeed be intestate.

WearyAuldWumman · 01/06/2026 14:05

Howmanycatsistoomany · 01/06/2026 10:07

What a nasty, judgemental post @Aluna . Maybe they're up for the graft because they love their DH and they believe in the "in sickness and in health" part of their wedding vows. Maybe some 'dump' their DH in a care home because they're physically unable to care for them, not because they're less invested.

Yeah you guessed it, I'm a younger second wife. When the time comes, I'll provide whatever care DH needs, whether that's at home or in a care home. I'll likely be doing that while working full time running my business btw. I'll also only inherit one third of his estate and potentially have to sell our home immediately after he dies, or wipe out a significant proportion of my savings, to buy my SD out. The same SD who only ever shows any interest in her father when she wants something, and by something I mean money, and who will certainly not be up for any care responsibilities.

Edited

I was my late husband’s carer. I also cared for my parents.

Some people assumed that I was doing it to stop the houses from going in care fees.

Mum and Dad were in a council house, and I’d bought my house before I married.

When I became unwell, I phoned DH’s daughter to let her know and to say that her dad would need care if anything happened to me.

Her immediate response was “You’re not thinking of leaving him are you?”

When I got the all clear, I let her know - but reiterated that her dad would near care if anything happened to me.

”But you’re all right, aren’t you?”

She’s pretty useless - though she was good at her job.

She didn’t visit when her mum was in hospital having an op and didn’t offer to take her in for a procedure. I did it instead.

Dh was in hospital for 4 months after his stroke and got not one visit from her.

My money will be going to DH’s nephews and my cousin’s kids.

catspyjamas1 · 01/06/2026 14:09

Calliopespa · 01/06/2026 13:22

Because I find it hard to think why you would feel your father's second family deserve more than his first. It is sometimes easy to put ourselves to one side and rationalise it, but I would find that harder to do on behalf of my dc.

ETA relevance to thread being the general exploration of the mindset of parents when it comes to providing to dc, which is essentially what OP is interested in.

Edited

Because myself and my sibling are adults who are quite capable of looking after ourselves and our families without needing to hedge bets on some type of financial inheritance in future. Further, he spent 18 years investing in his "first" kids already, we don't see why anymore is needed.

Our much younger half siblings would benefit greatly from any financial inheritance for things like studying etc. We wouldn't begrudge them that opportunity as we are, like I said, self sufficient adults now with lives, jobs, kids etc. of our own.

TotalBaloney · 01/06/2026 14:19

catspyjamas1 · 01/06/2026 14:09

Because myself and my sibling are adults who are quite capable of looking after ourselves and our families without needing to hedge bets on some type of financial inheritance in future. Further, he spent 18 years investing in his "first" kids already, we don't see why anymore is needed.

Our much younger half siblings would benefit greatly from any financial inheritance for things like studying etc. We wouldn't begrudge them that opportunity as we are, like I said, self sufficient adults now with lives, jobs, kids etc. of our own.

What if there were no joint kids? My dad married his wife when she was 45 and he 64. She has 2 (now adult) children from her first marriage, my dad has me (he had 2 children, my brother died in his teens). The house they live in was his before they met, she owns 2 houses of her own which are currently rented out. In that scenario, do you think it makes sense for all of his assets to go to his wife and subsequently her children, or for some of it to come to me?
Moot point really as his will states that the house will come to me, just interested in your take on it?

MelanzaneParmigiana · 01/06/2026 14:21

It’s awful how adult children can’t see the value of having a loving spouse, and seen to want their bereaved parent to be alone and v lonely or have a transactional relationship with all obligation ending on their death.
I would love my mother to have a loving relationship in her old age, rather than fretting that she won’t have anything to leave me.

catspyjamas1 · 01/06/2026 14:24

TotalBaloney · 01/06/2026 14:19

What if there were no joint kids? My dad married his wife when she was 45 and he 64. She has 2 (now adult) children from her first marriage, my dad has me (he had 2 children, my brother died in his teens). The house they live in was his before they met, she owns 2 houses of her own which are currently rented out. In that scenario, do you think it makes sense for all of his assets to go to his wife and subsequently her children, or for some of it to come to me?
Moot point really as his will states that the house will come to me, just interested in your take on it?

Yeah, obviously a different scenario for you. I would think fairness would be a split between wife and you/ your siblings in that scenario makes sense to me. But I still wouldn't expect anything but that's my own personal view - nice if something came my way but I wouldn't make life plans incorporating that in the future.

Papster · 01/06/2026 14:37

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 01/06/2026 14:00

It's a good place to start. If you look at this, you see what would happen if you didn't make a will. Then you can think if that's what you want, and if not, you can start to decide what you do want. If the OP's father had a will before he married, it will now be invalid unless it was made explicitly in anticipation of this marriage. If he hasn't got round to making a new will, he will indeed be intestate.

it Would a poor solicitor who didn’t encourage if x then y contingencies in the original will but I understand your point

nopiesleftinthisvehicle · 01/06/2026 14:48

ButFirstTea · 01/06/2026 07:31

Why would you ask chatgpt when you can easily google such a simple question?

Same reason anyone of us uses Mumsnet?
To read about others personal, lived experience in the same matter.
For me, like many other threads, this thread is interesting, though of no use to me.

Why are you on here?

Curryingfavour · 01/06/2026 14:52

It isn’t an awful question at all .
You could ask him if he has updated his will , especially if his younger wife is a very nice person and you get on well with her /like her .
I would hope the property they live in is protected ( liferent ) so she can continue to live there after he dies .
He will quite possibly have left you and any siblings some other assets .
My parents were similar ages ( mum passed away quite recently) but her home was sold to pay for care home fees , so no inheritance really .
You never know what’s going to happen in life

Allseeingallknowing · 01/06/2026 14:57

Calliopespa · 01/06/2026 13:32

I don't really remember?

She left the lot to her husband , wanted him to ensure her sons from a previous marriage were looked after financially, but that didn’t happen according to articles in the media. She trusted him to do so. It would have been better to have made provision for them in her will, but for whatever reason (? IHT?) she didn’t.

Allseeingallknowing · 01/06/2026 15:00

nopiesleftinthisvehicle · 01/06/2026 14:48

Same reason anyone of us uses Mumsnet?
To read about others personal, lived experience in the same matter.
For me, like many other threads, this thread is interesting, though of no use to me.

Why are you on here?

Agree. The poster was churlish

catspyjamas1 · 01/06/2026 15:00

catspyjamas1 · 01/06/2026 14:24

Yeah, obviously a different scenario for you. I would think fairness would be a split between wife and you/ your siblings in that scenario makes sense to me. But I still wouldn't expect anything but that's my own personal view - nice if something came my way but I wouldn't make life plans incorporating that in the future.

PS. I don't see why her children should get anything in your scenario.

Allseeingallknowing · 01/06/2026 15:05

MelanzaneParmigiana · 01/06/2026 14:21

It’s awful how adult children can’t see the value of having a loving spouse, and seen to want their bereaved parent to be alone and v lonely or have a transactional relationship with all obligation ending on their death.
I would love my mother to have a loving relationship in her old age, rather than fretting that she won’t have anything to leave me.

I bet the mother of his children would have wanted her children to have something. The new wife may have been left a substantial sum from a previous partner. It’s wrong for the father’s assets to all go to his new wife and her family. That’s why he should make a new will . He probably hasn’t even thought of what might happen if he doesn’t.

Allseeingallknowing · 01/06/2026 15:05

catspyjamas1 · 01/06/2026 15:00

PS. I don't see why her children should get anything in your scenario.

They will will when their mother dies!

CosyDenimShark · 01/06/2026 16:10

Never rely on getting an inheritance. My Dad had an affair and left us for another woman with a young girl. He died not long after and the new woman and daughter inherited everything. She did very nicely after destroying 2 families (Obviously father was to blame too)

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 01/06/2026 16:59

Part of it depends on the terms of your Mum’s will.
My Dad left his half of their house to me as part of IHT planning, my mum can live there forever but if it’s sold half is mine. However in my head that money will only really be properly mine when my Mum dies (same with his pension that he left me). Before then in my head it is hers should she need care etc. Legally it is mine.
I plan to do the same once DS is older- unfair to do this if you die young.

Calliopespa · 01/06/2026 16:59

CosyDenimShark · 01/06/2026 16:10

Never rely on getting an inheritance. My Dad had an affair and left us for another woman with a young girl. He died not long after and the new woman and daughter inherited everything. She did very nicely after destroying 2 families (Obviously father was to blame too)

Yes, I have to say I do not know how people rationalise in their head that it is ok to marry someone with a pre-existing family and then impinge royally on their inheritance.

If I fell in love in those circumstances, I'd make a point of making sure I didn't bring that scenario about - but I guess people can rationalise anything. They are probably the ones saying "what makes dc think they have a right to inherit" as a means of justifying it - though that still sits rather uncomfortably with what makes them think THEY do if we are all about self-sufficiency. Curiouser and curiouser really ...

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 01/06/2026 18:02

@HalfasleepChrisintheMorning your DM has a life interest in it. As it’s not your home, you might have to pay CGT when it’s sold.

Worrying34 · 01/06/2026 19:37

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 01/06/2026 11:00

You often see on here when someone asks a question about a legal issue some posters confidently reply with what they think the law should be, rather than what it actually is. I think some people have no grasp at all of how the law works. I suppose if you don't come across it in your job and it's not something you're interested in maybe it just doesn't occur to you to look into it.

I think so many people assume the law reflects what your average person would consider to be 'fair', and then are shocked to discover it really doesn't work that way.

Like: obviously his children would automatically inherit the family home from his new wife and not her distant relatives because that's fair.

catspyjamas1 · 01/06/2026 19:50

Allseeingallknowing · 01/06/2026 15:05

They will will when their mother dies!

So I understand - the paternal grandchildren need to worry about the grandfather's inheritance? Because.....................?

WearyAuldWumman · 01/06/2026 20:20

Worrying34 · 01/06/2026 19:37

I think so many people assume the law reflects what your average person would consider to be 'fair', and then are shocked to discover it really doesn't work that way.

Like: obviously his children would automatically inherit the family home from his new wife and not her distant relatives because that's fair.

Inheritance can be really complicated, particularly when there's a second relationship or no children.

I had to take steps to make sure that certain family artefacts definitely went to my husband's family. However, I'm mindful of the fact that only one of DH's children has a child of their own.

DH already made sure that some family medals went to his grandchild, but I came across some other items after he died. (I don't think he knew that they existed - they were in amongst his mother's things.)

The childless child has a spouse and it's likely that the spouse will outlive them. If I passed some items to the childless child, there's the risk that they'd eventually go their spouse's cousins and finish up as cash for gold.

I've had to do my best to make sure that they go to the right people, so I've sent them on now rather than leaving it to chance after I die.

Then there's the fact that items from Dad's side of the family need to go back to that side and Mum's side needs to go back to my maternal side.

Hangingcrystal · Yesterday 13:33

Completely agree with you that items should 100% stay within the family.

I have a large amount of beautiful gold jewellery, inherited and gifted to me by my husband.

The inherited bits are from my great grandparents, grandparents, and it would be hugely important that they stay in family hands, other pieces less so.