Was spanking/smacking common in the 1990s? Struggling with PIL

[onlyonsunday]

Found out recently that FIL would spank/smack/hit DH, until DH was age 11/12. FIL only stopped when DH got big and strong.

These weren't awful 'hidings' and didn't result in injury or broken skin. DH had to lay across FIL's lap and he would hit his bum over his clothes so no bare skin.

DH is totally unfazed by this and says it didn't do any harm. I have never known anyone hit their children in any way and am horrified. This would have been between 1985-1995. Was it fairly normal then? Or was this unusual?

There are other things in DH's childhood that I find horrifying, so I know my feelings on the spanking will be influenced by the other stuff.

So looking for thoughts on how this would have been viewed at the time.

TLDR: was spanking deemed normal as recently as 1995?

Edited to say: this is in the UK

You're reading something different to what I've written. I'm not going to reply anymore because it's a waste of time.

My sister and I grew up in the 80s and 90s, and being smacked was just something that happened in our house. It wasn’t from both parents — only our mum — but it felt like her go-to response whenever we did something wrong or she was overwhelmed. There wasn’t much space for talking things through or being listened to. It was more about immediate punishment than understanding.
We learnt that our voices didn’t matter.
Mum was not equipped to be a parent, she never sought help for her mental health/accepted she needed help.
Teens years are mostly memories of being screamed at to be honest

i got smacked by my dad when id done something really naughty which was very rare... it was the "wait til your father gets home" from my mum which was the worst bit...did me no harm however ive never smacked my kids

Well I have trained two dogs from puppies to adult dogs and it was nothing like the same challenge as raising children, and their “minds/wills/desires” are much less complex. Again, not that I am advocating for smacking children, but it’s just not at all comparable.

I find your comment extremely silly. There’s no basic for hitting a child at all.

I think think smacking was common in some families in the 90s but I'm not sure it was normal. My DC were young then and often played at friends' houses and one was very upset to discover that a friend's dad regularly smacked his children. I think it's indefensible. If it was acceptable and effective why do people stop doing it when the DC reach puberty and behaviour often gets worse?

Smacking was standard in the 70's Our primary and secondary school would call boys onto the stage and cane or slipper them in front of the whole school. A couple of teachers teachers seemed to do this far too frequently, as their role as head of year. Awful!

Yes I was smacked quite regularly (90's kid) I think my dad was especially volatile and I absolutely don't think it was called for and I perhaps had it worse than some but a lot better than others. I can remember getting a bit cheeky on a playdate when I would have been about 9. Dad took me into another room and smacked me and told me off. I went back to my friend and she could see I was upset and said 'did he smack you? Don't worry I get that from my mum and dad too' so it was obviously fairly 'normal' FWIW I absolutely don't think it's a necessary parenting method but I think the damage it might do does depend more on the context than the severity. I don't like that I was smacked and don't have a very trusting relationship at all with my dad especially now. However, as a parent I like to think that I have the maturity to realise that we don't suddenly become jesus just because we're parents. We are all just winging it really and probably battling our own demons at the same time. I hope that my dd will one day grow up to show me the grace to forgive any times I haven't gotten it right with her and be thankful for the things about her childhood that were wonderful and loving and this is the grace that I choose to show my parents.

Am I misreading what she said? She says I haven't read her comment, my response was that "No, it has been shown that when you hit a child they usually resume the behaviour very shortly after the punishment. They just try to be more sneaky about it." Is she not saying here that she think smacking a child stops the behaviour you are correcting?

Yup fairly normally for me at that time.

Yeah I really struggle to get on with fil because of this (and a few reasons), dp works with him every day as they have a family business and none of them seem to hold it against him and even laugh about it but I suspect it has affected them, especially as most of the time their mum threatened the kids with the dad and they had to wait X amount of hours before he got back and even woke them up to deal the punishment. Stupid thing is he comes across as a very gentle person, its all just so matter of fact.

Never smacked as a child and didn’t smack my kids ever!

Born in 89 in the UK and was consistently smacked with hands and other household items until I was at least 9/10 probably because by that point I was big enough to say something or maybe hit back.

I wasn’t saying they’re exactly the same - I have kids of my own - and I was being a bit facetious really, but I still think if you can train animals without violence you can do the same for kids!

I grew up in the 70s and 80s and was never hit at home, or even shouted at. A handful of boys got the slipper at secondary school over the 5 years I was there so definitely not often and they were the really naughty ones….

I was never smacked but the silent treatment was pretty common, could/would never in a million years do either to my children. It stays with you forever and defines who you are as an adult and how you function, it definitely did me some serious harm

Nope smacking someone doesn't make ppl grow up to think that at all. Not sure where you get that idea from that those smacked will grow up to think it is ok to smack others.

Almost every 90's parent I know smacked their children. Not as frequently as parents in the 50's/60's/70's, but definitely for safety 'reminders' (I know two people who did it any time their young children forgot to look both ways when crossing the road) or when parents lost their patience, repeated requests etc. I think because they did it far less frequently than their parents, many thought they weren't really parents who smacked. I definitely think it was the norm, even if occasional.

It was normal in my family in the 90s and 00s. However, I’ve come to learn that a lot went down that was portrayed as normal but isn’t.

Born and raised in the 80's. Smacked frequently.

I was smacked on the bum/legs as a routine form of punishment for bad behaviour in the 90s. Most of my friends also were, it wasn't uncommon where I grew up

I used to be slapped around the head until mid teens. This would be for perceived rudeness, like getting down from the table without asking, although I was a shy, very reserved child and never "naughty". I absolutely cannot forgive him now, or my mother, for letting him cast such a pall over my childhood. I remember walking on eggshells, never knowing what would set him off. I was watering the garden for him once and he moved into the water spray whilst I was looking elsewhere - he threw a stick he was holding at me for that. It was horrible.

I was smacked in the 90s so yeah very very common back then.

Born in the 80’s regularly smacked. It was very normal back then

Yes I was smacked occasionally in the 80's , as long as it didn't leave a mark it was considered acceptable I think, and generally on the legs/ bum. Pretty common back then.