Was spanking/smacking common in the 1990s? Struggling with PIL

[onlyonsunday]

Found out recently that FIL would spank/smack/hit DH, until DH was age 11/12. FIL only stopped when DH got big and strong.

These weren't awful 'hidings' and didn't result in injury or broken skin. DH had to lay across FIL's lap and he would hit his bum over his clothes so no bare skin.

DH is totally unfazed by this and says it didn't do any harm. I have never known anyone hit their children in any way and am horrified. This would have been between 1985-1995. Was it fairly normal then? Or was this unusual?

There are other things in DH's childhood that I find horrifying, so I know my feelings on the spanking will be influenced by the other stuff.

So looking for thoughts on how this would have been viewed at the time.

TLDR: was spanking deemed normal as recently as 1995?

Edited to say: this is in the UK

My ex DH has someone in his family who was washing her young kids mouths out with soap for swearing only about 8 or so years ago

It was fairly normal to get a smack if you had been naughty. It was probably getting less common by the 90s though. I was born in the mid 70s and certainly growing up in the 80s people would have smacked their children if they were extremely naughty. It wasn't hard, and would generally have been on the bottom over clothing so didn't hurt, it was more the shock value and to bring home the message that you had been extremely naughty.

Where it was used as discipline, it wasn't like whacking your child around the face/head or anything. That would have been regarded as abusive.

I'm not condoning it but it really didn't do us any harm. It was certainly a deterrent.

Not sure about that. It was always the same kids who "got the ruler" (across the palm of the hand) in school. Never seemed to deter
them from whatever the behaviour was.

It was normal, but I don't consider it acceptable.

Interesting how all these vile so called parents stopped when children became teenagers and could presumably hit them back. Absolutely disgusting.

You really can't comment on how people overall were hit in the 80s. You can't know how hard anyone but people in your own house were hit

Nope. I was born in '74 and was never hit/smacked, even though I was a little shit 😂
Neither were any friends, that i knew of

As long as your dc are never unsupervised with them I'd let it go. How they raised their dc isn't really your business..
My dc born early 90 's had the odd smacked bum (whilst wearing clothes).

Exactly. Dss and dsd are adults and well adjusted and well behaved. Never hit.

Normal in the 80s, less so in the 90s I think. That said, I know parents who ranged from corporal punishment to others who wouldn't even raise a voice to a child in the 90s. So a lot of variation. In the 80s other people's parents would even smack you. I don't think that happened in the 90s at all. Schools I went to definitely used corporal punishment in the 80s.

There you go, bingo!

Never smacked. But many friends had soap in their mouths as punishment.

My punishment was silent treatment 😭 very harmful when you're little and want a cuddle for reassurance.

Me and my brothers were all born early 1990s and we were all smacked occasionally. But I still remember it and it upsets me. I have no idea if it was commonplace.

I started school in 1983 and never knew of or saw anyone hit.

Well clearly, but all anyone can do is give their own experience from their own family and those of their friends/relatives.

That's awful 😢

I think it was more that other options became available. My parents preferred things like grounding and confiscating items or with-holding pocket money when we got to pre-teen stage.

💐 it was very sad! Being a mother myself has made me realise how cruel it was. I could never do the same

We were smacked as an absolute last resort. I have never doubted that I deserved it. And am not traumatised by it in the slightest. My parents were very good parents and it was the norm in the 80’s.

I think that it’s a lazy way of dealing with issues. I also think people who beat their children hide behind smacking. My parents didn’t smack, neither did their parents (DP both born hit after Ww2, I was a 70’s child). My dds mum even went up to the school in the 50’s because my dads evil teacher told him he was
going cane him the next day, on his bottom, in front of the school, without pants/trousers, he hadn’t done anything this teacher was just horrible. Needless to say my grandmother lost her shit with the school an my dad was no longer bullied by that horrible shitty teacher

Yes my parents smacked us if we misbehaved, not often but a few times.I can honestly say it didn't do us any harm, we knew not to cross the line. It wasn't that uncommon then.

I grew up in the 80s snd 90s and was smacked as a young child. It seemed pretty common. As a Mum myself I can't ever imagine wanting to physically hurt my child. I think it is an awful way of disciplining. I find it very odd to use physical violence against young children as a punishment, especially when I teach my children that hurting people is wrong.

Oh, sorry. It read that you were talking about people at large

I am around the same age as your dh and was occasionally smacked by my dad, never by my mum, it was rare but definitely never struck me as paticularly unusual. I firmly disagree with smacking but at that point in time it was definitely not as taboo as it is now. I'm in Scotland and am delighted it's now illegal.

DH and I are both 90s kids. DH was smacked as MIL has told me proudly that she used to smack her Children and mentioned children she knows now that need a good smack because they are naughty (most of them have SEN and she disapproves of adapting teaching styles to meet their needs). I have never been smacked, my parents followed a kind of gentle parenting method though it didn't have a name then.

I can remember being threatened with smacking, but not actually being smacked. Apparentlu I was very naughty, troublesome child. Except my mother cant actually give any examples. I was just blamed for everything!