Was spanking/smacking common in the 1990s? Struggling with PIL

[onlyonsunday]

Found out recently that FIL would spank/smack/hit DH, until DH was age 11/12. FIL only stopped when DH got big and strong.

These weren't awful 'hidings' and didn't result in injury or broken skin. DH had to lay across FIL's lap and he would hit his bum over his clothes so no bare skin.

DH is totally unfazed by this and says it didn't do any harm. I have never known anyone hit their children in any way and am horrified. This would have been between 1985-1995. Was it fairly normal then? Or was this unusual?

There are other things in DH's childhood that I find horrifying, so I know my feelings on the spanking will be influenced by the other stuff.

So looking for thoughts on how this would have been viewed at the time.

TLDR: was spanking deemed normal as recently as 1995?

Edited to say: this is in the UK

There isn't. It doesn't work. It's been shown to be ineffective and not to improve behaviour.

My mum is like this too! “Oh there’s never any need to smack a child!” Me: unless it was me/my sister all those years ago 🤔

My friend's mum used to hit her and her children with a wooden spoon. Whenever their family visited us (1970's) they were always very well behaved, but my mum and I saw the wooden spoon sticking out of their mum's handbag, apparently she used to take it everywhere and her children always behaved beautifully. I think the fact that it was there was enough of a threat...

I deal with situations where children are hit with “implements”. Wooden spoons, belts, sticks. I ask is it an indigenous African family? Yes is the usual answer. Both of black and white races.

It’s still common in some parts of the world.

Dogs have their own wills, minds, and desires and won't just do anything for a treat either, and it's easier to reason with a human with a shared language than it is a dog without one. It wasn't me who used the word "train" in relation to humans.

That being said, I remember a show back in the 90s where a bunch of women secretly used dog training techniques to "train" their husbands, and it actually worked surprisingly well!

I'm as opposed to abusing children as you are. The vast majority of people agree with us on that. But there are many good reason we don't sterilise people. It's also a form of abuse, and you're endorsing it within your own moral framework. Pretty much all abusive behaviour is rationalised by the people who carry it out.

I was born in 1996 and would usually be picked up by my arm had my trousers pulled down and was smacked across my bottom on bare flesh. I had to sit on the sofa all day and was only allowed to get up to use the toilet. My mum was more soft and would let me off the sofa if my dad nipped out. I knew the look in his eyes when I’d taken it too far and was about to be smacked

My best friend’s family were all hit with a wooden spoon. 100% white (British).

The difficulty in giving an answer to the question of “was smacking common?” is the definition of smacking.

In our family it’s was a very rarely used last resort single swipe on the bum or back of the legs. The very fact you’d been smacked brought home just how bad you’d been far more than any pain. In my case I was smacked when I threw a loud and inconsolable tantrum in the middle of a department store, complete with lying on the floor kicking my legs - I wanted to play on the escalators and mum said no. My brother was smacked for running off and into the main road. Looking back I have no problem as they were stressful situations where my parents needed to immediately impart just how unacceptable and unsafe our behaviour was.

Anything more than that was unacceptable in our circles - using an object like belts or wooden spoons, anywhere on the body other than bum or back of legs, pulling down trousers to hit bare skin, more than a single smack, all frowned upon and seen as the adults losing their temper rather than a necessary discipline for the child.

My parents generation were progressive compared to their parents, and this generation are even more progressive. It’s a very good thing that using violence, or even the threat of it, as disciplinary tool for children is no longer acceptable in any form.

I was born in 1961 and my mother told me about her friend who smacked her son and how utterly disgusting she thought it was. Her mother had smacked my uncle once when he went “scrumping” apples, but that was the only time.

Born in 1990 and I was smacked.

I will never ever ever ever ever ever hit my children

Or when then started to behave ?

I’m talking about it happening today. Now. Not in the 70s/80s/90s. Still happening and seen as acceptable punishment.

my parents didn’t smack but most of my friends parents did

I was in primary school from 1984-1991 and the deputy head used to cane the boys.

Smacking was pretty normal when I was growing up. Nothing brutal that has stayed with me but my mum definitely gave us smacked bottoms from time to time. And my dad threatened to a lot but never actually did.

I think everyone I knew as a child was smacked when naughty.

I was born in 1982 , I was smacked once and my Dad cried because he felt so guilty and never did it again . I find the idea of people routinely hitting their children disgusting.

Me and my brother were born in the early 1970s in a working class mining community in South Yorkshire. I think that most kids were smacked by parents, other relatives, neighbours, their friends etc if you misbehaved.
I think the smacking was excessive in our family. My mam had a nasty temper and was impatient, so we were hit if she was in a bad mood or were getting on her nerves. Smacks were aimed wherever there was bare skin (leaving a mark) and sometimes so hard that she complained that it hurt her hand! Smacks were freely administered in public with her holding our arm and us doing the circular dance trying to avoid her hand. Multiple smacks, not just one. Often hit if we were crying to "give us something to cry for" as she didn't like whingey kids. Sent to bed and hit on every step on the way up. Sometimes hit with whatever was in her hand, or thumped with a fist if older. My dad clipped us round the head. No warning, just a hand shooting out and you were hit. Both parents said they had worse punishments from their own parents, so they were being soft!! My mam to this day is unrepentent and still brags about the clouts she dished out. It was a totally different time. Neither me nor my brother have kids. I know that none of the children in the wider family are smacked now. My brother has step grandkids and says that he doesn't know how anyone could hit the bairns.

I didn't make any claims about it improving behaviour in children in the colloquial sense. But yes, pain absolutely can be used to prevent individual behaviours.

I would have thought it was much less common for children to be hit in the mid nineties. Obviously this is anecdotal, but DP and two of his sisters were born in the late 60’s/early 70’s. They were walloped pretty regularly. DP’s mum didn’t make as much physical contact with them, but threw things at them and then got FIL to punish them again when he got home from work. And he was more than happy to oblige. Then, after a big gap, two more children came along in the eighties, so much of their childhood was lived in the nineties. They were never hit. I remember FIL threatening the youngest once, but it was seen as a huge deal and he was urged to back down and he did. This happened when I was there (about 25 years ago.) I think part of the reason might have been because his parents were older and less volatile. But I also believe that it had become much less socially acceptable. They deny they ever laid a finger on any of their children, which says it all really. And the younger ones refuse to believe how bad it was for their siblings. DP is glad he has two of his sisters to back him up to be honest. Otherwise it would all be airbrushed out of their family history.

I was also born in 74 and was very very seldom smacked by my mum, on bum over clothes and not from like age 8 or above. If you got on my dad´s wrong side you would get a thwack and he didn´t care if it hurt or not.
I know the brother of a friend of mine got the belt from time to time. This last one shocked me even at the time, as it was so "out there" by then.
I remember I gave my daughter a slap on the leg once and immediately decided that that was NOT the kind of parent I wanted to be, and never have done again.
And re the OPs question, by the 90s it was much rarer, thank goodness.

Normal in the 70s and 80s, I think it still went on in the 90s

Removing a newborn baby from a mother is also abusive and harmful, but we do it if it protects the child from further abuse. If the parents has already confirmed that they don't intend to stop abusing further children, then surely sterilisation is kinder? It's never going to happen anyway, but thank goodness it will soon be illegal and these parents can at least be punished. I wonder if it was decided that the punishment was a smack they would be OK with that, considering they consider it a reasonable punishment.

Totally normal in my childhood in the 60s/70s. I was hit pretty much every day when I was a child, and all my friend's and neighbours children were hit regularly too. Many would be punished with an implement - a belt, shoe or similar. Teachers would physically punish too- usually with a leather belt called a tawse, a short belt with three fingers, manufactured specifically for teachers to hit kids.

No, it has been shown that when you hit a child they usually resume the behaviour very shortly after the punishment. They just try to be more sneaky about it.

I was a child in the 80’s and was smacked by both parents. Would never dream of smacking anyone myself, least of all a child.