If you choose not to drive you are a pain in the arse

[Ophir]

Always lifts, always expecting basically chauffeured

I agree OP. DH is a non driver. I’ve been considering divorce for a while but his intentional inconveniencing of everyone around him is a big factor.

Yes, but it's not like once you can drive you have to drive everywhere and never take public transport again or a taxi, or get a lift, it gives you options.

I drive, but have always had a job I can get a train to, and always take the train. Driving would be mad, expensive and take twice as long.

IKWYM, OP, I would hate the lack of reciprocity. Also DDs wouldn't have been able to get to their hobbies without my driving them when they were little, so their world would have been smaller.

Do drivers offer non drivers lifts so that they can moan about it afterwards? I often wonder this when I see threads like this repeatedly.

I didn’t learn to drive until I was 37. I never asked or expected lifts before then. I actually refused them when offered as don’t want to be stuck in someone else’s car making boring small talk! Was always happy to plan my own way there. Perhaps you need better friends and less entitled family

I also don’t offer non drivers lifts as don’t want to be lumped with them

Driving uses more fossil fuels, those who make it work with public transport and bicycles are actually more responsible than the rest of us.

If you don't want to offer lifts then stop offering. Rather than offering and then posting passive aggressive posts on mumsnet.

I don't drive and I don't like being in a car but I've noticed drivers like the op are shit at making inclusive plans for non drivers then complain that we need a lift to the stupid wedding venue they chose that's impossible to get to without a car

USE PUBLIC TRANSPORT

I have a driving license but I stopped driving due to a vision issue (not my choice) but since having two surgeries (first one failed) even though the issue is sorted, I’ve lost my confidence. Despite driving in big cities, I never really had driving confidence tbh. Now I find it near impossible to get behind the wheel now without feeling like my nervous system is on fire.

I hate not driving. Posts like these make me feel shit. DH is inconvenienced by my lack of driving. He’s good about it. I don’t lean on anyone else. I’m a fiercely independent person and I hate the sense of reliance. I’m hopeful I will get back to driving but i am not there yet.

I can’t drive. I am in my 60s and can only think of three occasions in my entire life when I’ve asked for a lift. Maybe you know the wrong people.

So, you feel guilty if you don't offer and feel pressure to offer 😅
That's a you problem.
Because of people like you, I go out of my way to make sure I'm never reliant on people, you never know who's smiling and silently seething inside, goodness lady develop a backbone!

I can't drive. I hate being offered lifts. A couple of weeks ago, I went to meet an old uni friend for food after work, it ended up being aomg catch up. He insisted on giving me a lift home, but I'd already planned my transport routes. Whilst a kind action, that insistency makes me really uncomfortable. I've failed my test several times; it's safer for me not to be on the road.

I was married to a deliberate non driver. It was an utter pain.

Exactly. I don't ask for lifts. Maybe you know some cheeky fuckers, OP.

I don’t think this is something that can be applied to all non drivers. I know plenty of people who either can’t drive or choose not to but lead very independent lives. However I also know two people who seem to think that their choice not to drive is someone else’s responsibility to solve. Well, you’ll have to take me I can’t get there otherwise.

I have actually said to one of these people that I find it baffling how someone who chose not to drive can hate walking and be so afraid of public transport.

It also becomes a problem if small children are involved that need ferrying from
one place to another as the driver ends up being the default parent as the other can’t physically get them from football practice to the party on time etc.

On the whole I don’t have a problem with people not driving as long as you don’t make it someone else’s problem on a regular basis

What about if you don't choose not to drive - if you aren't allowed a licence? Are you a pain in the arse then if you ask for a lift somewhere? How do you distinguish? It may not be obvious why someone doesn't drive.

I didn’t drive until I was 32 and never expected a lift anywhere. I lived my life around not being able to drive: lived in places with good public transport, added extra times to my journey, planned where I’d live around my commute via public transport. Ive had lifts from people less than 10 times in my life probably and always when I was genuinely on their way anyway. I even turned down lifts and got public transport instead even if they were just a 5 minute detour to save the person faff.

I learned to drive to make parenting easier and have more options for extra curriculars. But if I’d not learned, I’d just have done what I’ve always done for myself: live walking/bus/train distance from enough activities to be content.

People who expect lifts are a pain in the arse, not people who choose not to drive and manage their lives just fine.

I don’t drive - I did have lessons but it was a waste of time. And now, in the age of Uber, I can get myself anywhere I need to go.

You think people should plan their wedding venue around whether you can drive?! Wow.

I don't drive because whilst I may well be able to pass my test I don't feel I'd be a good or safe driver due to having the attention span of a squirrel......I passed my theory first time but years of lessons in an automatic didn't even get me within sniffing distance of my test. Believe me I'm doing everyone on the road a favour by not driving, it's a shame a lot more people don't have my attitude towards it because the roads would be much safer if they did.

This is definitely a people you know problem rather than an all non drivers problem.

Deal with them the way you would deal with any other kind of manipulative behaviour.

You’re probably right, post born of frustration 🙈

I think you might be one of the non drivers the OP is talking about. People like the choice of going places that aren’t on a direct bus/train route and their options are to either not invite the non driver, or invite them and be met with a sad face of “oh, well it’s not very easy for me to get to. Can we choose somewhere on the bus route?”

It is very annoying.

You won’t find anyone on MN that would ever ask for a lift, or rather admit to doing so.
MN rule 84b. Any person asking for or accepting a lift shall be barred from this site.

I'd love to drive, as it would make my life a lot less stressful - however I am unable to drive due to ongoing health issues.
I don't ask for lifts ever. I am offered a lot of them through church to get to events across our multi church site. I will always offer petrol money or toll money.

unfirtunately, by agree to giving them lifts, you’re enabling their behaviour, so are part of the problem. Learn to be unavailable or to say no. If they push, give them the number of a local taxi firm.