If you choose not to drive you are a pain in the arse

[Ophir]

Always lifts, always expecting basically chauffeured

I can drive, I choose not to. Nor do I expect a lift from anyone. If it's offered, it's nice but I'm happy to take public transport

Not for everyone though.
I was lucky to survive a very serious car crash and as a result, I have ptsd. Nobody needs me on the roads. Trust me!

I’m not allowed to drive now for medical reasons and I try hard not to be a PITA and this sort of attitude doesn’t help.
People don’t drive for various reasons- health, spatial awareness, cost of running a car, living in a city.
Thankfully I live in a big city with great public transport so most of the time it isn’t an issue, and DH drives. If he wants to drink at a social event we’ll uber home.
Occasionally I do have to ask for a lift from someone if it’s late/dark but if the person is going out of their way then I just uber it.
Lazy CFs will always be CFs though whether they drive or not.

Oh I thought we were doing generalisations.

More like if you it drive and EXPECT to be chauffeured then that's annoying. I didn't drive til I was 35 as I lived in London so no point, public transport and cycling everywhere. Didn't expect lifts and in fact my family thkight I was mad when I visited if I said I'd walk to a destination 30 mins walk away! God forbid someone walks, so they'd actually be pushing me to have a lift

I knew a neighbour like that! We both had kids at the same school so one morning we agreed to take them in together. I went to her house and she started piling the kids into her large car. I was dumbfounded, the school was literally round the corner from us, a few minutes walk. I don’t think she ever walked into town either, which was a five minute walk the other direction. I mean we were living smack in a town! I was genuinely shocked at her level of inactivity and reliance on her car.

I'll be driving for a few more years, but I'm preparing for when I cannot. My late husband never intended to give up driving, but his stroke meant that he had no choice in the matter.

Until about a year ago, I also had a van (which I do miss). Now I only have the car. I'm retired, on my own and therefore no longer responsible for ferrying others around.

I live in a town with reasonable transport links and I'm within walking distance of the town centre, so I'll manage when the time comes.

Don't tar us all with the same brush OP.

If you are being used for lifts why don't you find the courage to say NO?

It's at best lazy to say all non drivers take advantage of drivers. At worst it's really offensive and ignorant.

You work on YOUR weakness and don't deflect it onto others who are blameless.

How is it another persons fault that you have no backbone and must offer a lift 😂

I didn't learn to drive until I was 40. No way could I have afforded a car especially one big enough for 4 kids. But we made sure we lived near public transport and planned our journeys and holidays according to what was access. We never expected or asked for lifts, and even as young as 3 the boys had their own backpacks with things for the journey. All my ds learnt to navigate busses and trains, including the London underground and by the time they were mid teens were able to plan a trip involving multiple busses and trains across country independently. Their friends with parents who drove them everywhere were mostly far less independent travelling outside of catching a local bus. As was my late addition daughter who was born after I got a car.
Just because someone can't drive doesn't mean they're going to constantly be looking for lifts. And just because someone can drive doesn't mean they will always have access to a car. Not every family can afford a vehicle for each driver. If someone is always expect to be chauffeured regardless of whether the are able to drive or not, and especially if they don't even offer petrol money then they're a pain. If they can't drive and happily use public transport but are glad to accept a lift if offered, they aren't a pain.

No unless they always come on group outings and never offer petrol money….

I declined a date from a really nice looking guy, because he didn’t drive. It completely emasculated him, IMO (I do not live in a big city). I posted about this on MN and got completely annihilated.

I think this post may be around someone who doesn't drive and asks for lifts all the time. I had a slightly similar thing when an elderly aunt (does drive a bit) relocated near me. She asked which was my day off (I work 4 days Thursday off) and then told me she had booked all her travel plans for Thursdays so I could take and pick her up from the airport. I explained that with 3 children and various medical/orthodontic appt & shopping she could not assume that I was free to take her to the airport on any given Thursday. I did suggest she did my shopping on another day as I'm in work while she is retired which didn't go down well. She couldn't see how my 1 day off was important time and that she as a retired lady could go to the dentist on any day. I gave her a taxi number. I think the op may be facing a similar situation. I don't know who it is that is asking e.g partner but if they expect you to do all driving there should be payback in some other way.

TBH that's your problem - why feel "awful" about someone not driving? Why do you feel obliged to offer them a lift?

As a non driver I certainly don't feel that any driver should offer a lift! The times I've been offered and I've said No thanks the drivers get quite perplexed and insistent. Weird.

I’m in the same boat - disabled and though many disabled people do drive I’m on medication that impairs my reactions so dangerous on the road.

I never ask for lifts because I need a wheelchair access taxi or bus.

Not everyone is a piss taking non driving CF

If I’m in a situation like that I reassure them that I absolutely want to walk or get the train back, which is true. I can sit quietly, I can read, etc, I genuinely don’t want to be stuck in a car. Because of RA I’m also finding it harder to get in and out of cars so keeping mobile and stepping on/off a train is better all round. If they are genuine then they can’t control how guilty you are making yourself feel, that’s not on them.

You do realise that you have the choice whether to drive or not too.

I live in an area with fantastic public transport, I walk loads and cycle to work. My car only ever gets used for a large shop or a longer journey somewhere with no good public transport route. However I too get really annoyed by non drivers. Firstly, I should explain I really don’t like driving, I drive because I am not willing to limit my lifestyle (commiserations for those who genuinely can’t drive eg for medical reasons). I also absolutely hate having other people in the car whilst I drive. I find it stressful to talk and drive at the same time. So my main beef with friends who choose not to drive is that, if I want to go with them to somewhere where public transport is difficult - which will happen eg I like hiking - then I have to drive them in the car with me. This would be totally worth it if the benefit were that next time I wouldn’t even have to drive as it is their turn. Except this can never happen so it’s a one way street. I now only organise with these friends to do things accessible by public transport as otherwise I get resentful - I’d love to have their set up where the other person always drives! If they suggest something only drivable, I’ll just say well, I’m not willing to drive there so how would we get there? And they drop it then because of course that IS their expectation.

So it’s just one person asking you for all those favours, not everyone who chooses not to drive, right?

SickandTiredofEverything

I'd drop those "friends" because they are using you!

Oh, FFS. I don't drive - I have dyspraxia and have never been able to get the hang of steering and so forth.

I've never bought a house that wasn't within walking distance of a train station and on a bus route.

The only person who ever gives me lifts is my husband, and since, as the main earner, I bought the household car in its entirety, pay for all its maintenance and 9 times out of 10, the petrol when it needs filling up, I don't think that's unreasonable - he couldn't afford to buy or run a car by himself.

You don't sound like you like your friends much.

You need better friends. I have never behaved like that in my life and I haven’t driven for years. As a PP said, CFs will be CFs, whether a non-driver or not.

There may be no direct reciprocity but I had a perfectly good arrangement when my children were young with another parent, she drove my daughter to an activity as I couldn’t car share, I had her kids every inservice day.
Now much older I am geared up to be able to walk and only ask for a lift on wet dark nights ( and only from people passing the end of my road).

Say no. Have a conversation.