Only invited to the evening do and feeling a bit hurt

[BlueSeagull]

preface this by saying I know it’s their choice and I should be grateful to be invited at all.

Colleague is getting married later this year I knew her before we worked together always got on well. She gave wedding invitations out last week and I have an evening invite no issue know weddings are expensive. But then some of the girls were talking and out of our team of 18, 10 have spoke about how they can’t wait to see the ceremony etc it’s pretty clear they have full day invites.

I know I know it’s her choice I guess I am embarrassed as actually saw her a good friend clearly it wasn’t a two way thing. I actually felt like part of the group and like I fitted in well.

I have very low confidence and I guess it just knocked me a bit that I thought the friendship was as equally close as others.

Do you see her outside of work?

Previously no but since we worked together yes alongside other we work with

I know it can make you feel awful but if it's not just you - same happened at a colleague's wedding - the ones of us who were evening only just turned up later, had a good bop, caught up with the day guests and ate sausage rolls.

I get why you’re feeling hurt.
But atleast you aren’t the only one!
arrange to meet up with the others who aren’t there for day time either have afew before yous go.
all what you make it.

I know I think it’s more embarrassment i saw her a good friend and to her I am clearly not.

it’s a me issue completely, i have always found making friends hard and that’s what has hurt I thought I was doing well ….clearly other don’t 😂

Are you sure they have actual day invites?

In the last school I worked in several people got caught out thinking they were invited all day when they had an evening invite that also mentioned anyone was welcome to the church. It was only when one person mentioned they weren’t going to the church as there was then nowhere really in the area to go until the evening reception that they realised they weren’t invited all day.

If you know others are going to the day, I think I’d be busy and not go.

No they day invites two were trying to remember what they had ordered to eat

So are there others from the team who have evening only invites? If so that's not so bad. It would be worse if you were the only one. But I get that it stings when you thought you were one of her work besties but 10 other people made the cut ahead of you. Similar thing happened to me, I thought I was the bride's closest work buddy but didn't get an invitation at all! I could sort of see the logistics as I had a husband and kids whereas those who did get invited were young free and single (no plus ones to factor in) but I was still a bit gutted. Unlike most of mumsnet I really love weddings and I'm sure I would have appreciated it more than some of the others!

She does see you as a friend because she did invite you. There just may be 8 colleagues she's currently closer to who got day invites. But you are part of the bigger group or you wouldn't be invited at all. Are there others who are the same who you can travel with?

Yes it’s always a bit of an embarrassment to realise you had more invested in the friendship than the other person. At least now you know.
Not on the same level as a wedding but I thought a woman had moved from acquaintances to actual friends as she started suggesting we meet up for coffee independently, lending me books she thought I’d be interested in etc. Then she asked me a favour to do with her daughter (to live in a flat short term that I use as a holiday home), which I actually agreed to. Then her DD became ill so couldn’t take up the offer and the woman dropped me like a lead balloon. I only realised this when I found she was holding a charity workshop for an activity I love doing at her house and I asked her if I could go along and she literally said ‘oh it’s really just for friends’. Oh, ok then, guess I’m no use to you now so friendship over!

Thanks everyone you have all made me feel better, helps knowing others would be hurt too. When the inevitable collection is done for wedding gift what would others put in ?

I always think an evening only invite is a good result. Having to attend the whole day is usually pretty boring

Weddings always create bad feelings. Sorry OP.

She clearly does see you as a friend, you were invited

I don’t think I realised how fraught wedding invites were till I joined mumsnet, people make it all about them, take offence or get upset over nonsense like the dress code. It’s a minefield it seems.

i mean this is a lovely invite to the evening, and you’re all upset and decided it means she’s not your close friend. You’re not her close friend, you don’t go out with just her.

Usually £5-£10 for the work collection (depending on how close the colleague is) but thats a separate gift to the one you would also be giving when attending the evening do.

I understand the hurt you feel.
At least there's a few of you going to the evening do.
Going forward at least you know how she values the friendship so you can focus your time elsewhere.

For what it's worth I think it's a bit awkward doing both day and evening invitations in the same circle.

Zero.

If you are buying a separate gift, then just put a token £5 in the work collection.

Wow.

I’d feel the same. I know I’m going to get a bit lambasted for this but I think evening invites generally are a bit of a dick move generally, although I recognise they are accepted and encouraged by the majority.

@WhatNoRaisins me too

i think had it been just a couple of people invited to full day it wouldn’t sting so much but the fact more than half were makes it seem like it’s just a invite as she feels she has to.

I think evening invites are fine really…especially if everyone lives close by. But the diving work into day and evening is unfortunate.

That's well petty.

The bride hasn't actually done anything wrong.