The anti-brag thread

[SardinesOnButteredToast]

Not quite a TAAT, but inspired by another mumsnetter being understandably fed up of listening to people bragging. I thought - in the interests of balance - maybe we could have one thread where we have a good anti-brag. Light hearted, in so much as that's allowed (wink).

I hate my front door. It's a nasty off white uPVC and it's got the kerb appeal of a sofa in the front garden.
None of my very loved and lovely children are in the least impressive objectively (nor was I at their age).
My cat has taken to punching me in the face at 6.15am many mornings (not a little bat, and actually really hard smack with claw). This makes me feel resentful and angry.

I’ve got a sliding door porch. I hate it but am petrified of burglars. Despite having an alarm with sensors. Everyone else on my street has lovely painted front doors, some with brass knockers in animal form. Not me!

Every time I watch the Stacy Solomon or Nick Knowles programmes about decluttering I get very excited about doing the same. At the end of an episode I CBA.

home is never “guest ready” but kitchen at least is always clean unless I am mid-cooking/baking in which case it looks like a bomb has hit it as I can’t seem to tidy as I go when cooking/baking like tv chefs seem to manage!

I will continue to try with the decluttering though!

My 10 Yr old vauxhall has an electrical fault that means when I switch on the ignition, a loud beeping ensues and it doesn't stop until I get out , open and shut all the doors and boot (in the correct order, of course!)
This has been going on before every journey I make for 2 years.

The neighbours must think i'm nuts.

We had a new bathroom put in by a plumber who we took on because he (a) responded to contact, (b) actually turned up to quote for the job, and (c) talked a good game. He was very bright and lively and engaging. Turned out to be a cokehead who kept sending other people who never turned up. We lived for weeks with the old bath and sink stacked outside the front of the house, and no working bathroom. After endless chasing he got the job finished, using Romanian odd-jobbers, and overcharged us.

To add insult to injury, I really hate the tiles I chose!

@Whostheshrub you've just reminded me about a camper van I bought which had been imported from Japan. Every time I started it up, a Japanese lady would shout something indecipherable at me then continue to yell at random times when driving along.

My current car will occasionally decide it doesn’t want to go in reverse then I have to switch the engine off and restart it. If it goes into reverse properly then quite often the heater won’t come on.

I do love a quirky car.

FIL was a builder. He redecorated their living room, it looked great but one of the curtain rails had to be lowered a couple of inches just after he'd finished leaving a long rough patch on the wall a couple of inches wide. Probably it would have taken an hour or so to sort out.
It was still there when they moved house several years later.

Ironing is the only part of housework I enjoy - and it gives me an excuse to binge- watch all the TV shows DH hates.

@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain a sliding door won’t keep a burglar out. Very easy to open might as well unlock it.

I moved here 8 years ago and so far I've decorated half the kitchen and the bathroom, which needs doing again. I did sort the garden out though.
No stair carpet because, Spaniel, and the sandpaper that I bought to rub them down and paint the edges and do something (no idea what) with the middle to tidy it up is still sat there waiting to be used.
I got my car valeted about 2 weeks ago, they charged me a fiver extra because it was 'very dirty' (Spaniel again) I'm just grateful it was only an extra fiver tbh, it was that bad.
There's more dog hair on my bedroom carpet than the dogs right now and as I've been on nights and woken randomly after an hour I could hoover it, but I can't be arsed and would rather drink my tea and mess around on MN.

I’m not arty, I’m not sporty, I can’t speak several different languages and I’m also not chef material either, I’m not even wealthy, I have no hobbies as I’m crap at everything but on the positive side I’m great at drinking booze ( and despite my username I didn’t give up booze I just did it for one month and thought never again)

I spent the morning trying to remove cat piss from my inlaid coir mat. Now that’s glamorous.

Same! Although wasn’t watching snooker, DH was on the iPad though 😂

Can’t see a problem with saying someone isn’t sporty- I’m not , if some said I’m not I wouldn’t take it as an insult!

I’m not talented either, !unfortunately

Um I'm not sure why my post has triggered such a reaction...I said nothing bad about any children...not even my own ( who, BTW, is in her 30's and couldn't give a fat rat's crack about being sporty). Thanks for the compliment BTW.. I love cats.

Oh my neighbour has the cock windows too!

My favourite meal is a beige buffet from Iceland.

I have really prominent 11s which make me look like I'm constantly frowning.

I am really, really, really mediocre at my job and completely incompetent at the office politics.

Are you Jarvis Cocker?

😂😂😎

Also ... My big toes have started to grow Tufts of surprisingly long thick black hairs. I mean, surprisingly. They're quite luxuriant and springy, so it's like a tuft of a different species grass on a lawn. Against my very greenish white skin, it's quite off-putting.

I’ve got ironing in the ironing basket from January
I ate chocolate three times yesterday

This is an anti-bragging thread, where we all share things we are crap at. The OP shared that her dd is not, and has never been, any good at sports.

What part of that is either nasty or catty about other people's children?

I can join the ‘shit front and back doors’ club. One of the cats is so fat he doesn’t fit through the flap when the door’s on, so our cat flap is permanently open (no door at all). It looks a state and the wind howls in making the kitchen freezing cold. Fixing it is currently #73 on my to do list but at least we have good ventilation 😅

my partner and unborn child are dead (he OD'd after I told him id leave and I love him more than anything and miss him daily) and my house has ZERO offers after a month. OH I also can't find a new boyfriend for shit, all these men on dating apps just want to fuck me and want nothing else. im also having a dispute with my employer over sexual harassment lmao

So sorry you are going through such a terrible time

The big light in our bedroom went but replacing it would mean moving the bed, moving everything that is stored on the stepladders and then putting the bed back. I bought a lamp.
The big light in the kitchen went and although easier to get to than the bedroom light the ceilings are much higher. DP bought a lamp which sits on top of the fridge.