The anti-brag thread

[SardinesOnButteredToast]

Not quite a TAAT, but inspired by another mumsnetter being understandably fed up of listening to people bragging. I thought - in the interests of balance - maybe we could have one thread where we have a good anti-brag. Light hearted, in so much as that's allowed (wink).

I hate my front door. It's a nasty off white uPVC and it's got the kerb appeal of a sofa in the front garden.
None of my very loved and lovely children are in the least impressive objectively (nor was I at their age).
My cat has taken to punching me in the face at 6.15am many mornings (not a little bat, and actually really hard smack with claw). This makes me feel resentful and angry.

I was made redundant a month ago.

So far, I'm fucking up job interviews on the daily!

I cannot hang out washing on the line without dropping at least two pegs on the ground. Why? No idea.

Apart from the kitchen and bathroom, all our rooms have wood chip on the walls. And the worst part is that we put it there when we moved in in the mid 90s. It was something we were familiar with and it was cheap. It will be there for ever more now.

All of our upstairs rooms plus kitchen and bathroom have mould in the corners, bathroom is a state and we only had it done 5 years ago.

We drive a 18-year-old scraped, banged up Nissan that keeps getting 'Sell your car for scrap' leaflets left on it 😆

I have actually disproved the old adage that you never forget how to ride a bike

Out upstairs hall carpet is disgustingly stained ,although its not that old, but I can't get carpet cleaners in because the hallway is full of my husband's crap taken out of DS' now ripped out built in wardrobe and I can guarantee DH will do nothing to deal with this stuff this year

I mistakenly chose a real wood worktop in my kitchen and have never oiled it so it is looking old and faded..

My (now adult), DD wasn't, isn't and never will be "sporty", I have a tiny garden that I pay someone else to look after as I CBA and it's a condition of my tenancy that it's kept neat and tidy.

Sat in my garden (still in my dressing gown) giggling at this! Sorry

It reminds me of when my dc were little in the buggy with all my shopping hanging on the handles and they decide to get out and it all upends smashing onto the floor.

Also can’t drive, tried it, crap at it and got so anxious i just stopped.
Stupid back door lets water in if the rain hits in that area even though the drain hole is clear so have a puppy training pad under the door to catch any leaks.
One of the bathrooms the shower has started leaking through the ceiling below, i know fixing will be an arse as either lift up the shower tray which would mean moving the glass and taking off tiles, or make a hole in the entrance hall ceiling 😭 I’m leaving for now!

Only 6 months!? Pfft! Thing is a bare staircase wall can't be hidden by anything.

👍

When we moved in I pulled up several layers of terrible laminate flooring in the kitchen to get to the floorboards, painted them (they weren't nice looking, rough floorboards from the poor post-war period the house was built) with the intention of varnishing them afterwards... 10 years later they are still untarnished. We also ripped off some rotten cupboard doors and intended to replace them, still haven't (but very close now, I made new doors and they are waiting to be installed. So perhaps in another 10 years I'll get around to that)

DD's bedroom has really ugly wallpaper from the 60s I think. Allowed her to draw on the walls as we were going to redecorate. You can guess if that ever happened.

Im known for being a perfectionist and meticulous. In reality, at home, I sometimes sleep in my clothes, I always have my breakfast in bed - and sometimes my lunch and tea too! I frequently wear a hat to hide the fact I havent washed my hair...

I have a horrible old discoloured UPVC front door, too, that has marks where we changed the doorbell. Water comes under it when it rains (and wind comes through all the time)

Love this!
I have one kid who hates potatoes and the other hates pasta - FML
I’ve been driving 23 years and never driven on a motorway.
Moved 4.5 years ago to a very outdated house and can’t afford to decorate, we call it the “granny pad” and hate having people over.

My car is 18 years old and if we have a frost, I have to scrape the inside as well as the outside. The roof leaked like a sieve all winter however I have now fixed that. My bathroom sink has several cracks in it and part of the old shower screen is still attached to the wall because I can’t get it off.

The kitten has absolutely ruined my leather sofa and it’s only fit for the tip. I’ve got about 8 pairs of shoes and boots on my bedroom floor because I can’t get to the wardrobe to put them away.

The vacuum cleaner has been trapped in the hall cupboard for two weeks as the stepladder I’ve been using to decorate the hallway is in front of the door and I can’t be arsed to move it.

Needless to say, I should have a bloody good clean and sort out this weekend but will probably sit in front of the tv eating chocolate instead.

The builders of our extension were absolute cowboys. My downstairs loo/shower is absolutely freezing and draughty and I don’t know why. I can’t persuade anyone to diagnose the problems, or if they do they don’t work. I’m constantly raging and helpless.

I love a good game of The Four Yorkshiremen.

My house is really untidy and I still haven't had the ceiling repainted since a massive leak caved it in last year and it had to be replaced.

Oh God, this too. I begged DH not to get a wood worktop. I told him 'We are not capable of looking after it, it is for clean, tidy, reliable, careful people or people who don't use their kitchen - not us'. He insisted, he said he'd do all the oiling himself. He oiled it not frequently enough for the first 6 months and then has done it handful of times in the 8 years since and it is of course a wreck. I did try oiling it myself once and it was so stressful that I'm never doing it again.

I have zero ambition. I literally join a company and stay with them until they realise I am totally workshy. Been in my current job for 21yrs. I'm very good at flying under the radar.

If I didn't have two thoroughly horrible (to other people) dogs, I would employ a cleaner in a heartbeat, even though I go home every day at 2pm and have loads of time to do it .... but can't be arsed.

I have been known to wear the same pair of knickers for 2 days in a row - mainly on a weekend.

I started repainting my hall about four years ago and halfway through, and halfway up, I realised I'd bought the wrong paint. It's still half matte and half shiny and it's very obvious.

I have a specific cupboard that is a bit of a dumping ground and at one point had been inaccessible for such a long time that my daughter used to show her friends how bad it was - and then invited them round to show them it again once it had been cleared out 😅

I find it impossible to keep my daughter neat and tidy. While I do love that she's a bit of a dirt magnet and likes to get stuck in, I'm also determined to instil the basics in her and still, I have to prompt every single step, morning and night. It's exhausting. She is a brilliant, creative, expressive girl but I feel I'm failing fundamentally at basic parenting when I still haven't managed in all these years to regularly get her from the bed to the breakfast table in a reasonable amount of time without having to send her back upstairs to wash her face or find her other sock. It's groundhog day, every day.

Whenever we get something new, DH kind of gets anxious about trying not to mess it up, and then does some kind of permanent damage. Once that's happened though he's fine, doesn't continue doing it. New counter top, drop a heavy item on it, dented it. New sink, a heavy item chipped it. Another new sink, ridiculously and uncommon vigorous cleaning wore off some of the surface. To be fair though, mine was the most spectacular - new carpet and I'm the idiot that decided to spray paint a piece of furniture indoors. It was raining outside and I lacked patience. Over the years though the paint is nearly all worn off the carpet. The surfaces will remain damaged.

I'm feeling right a home here

My hands smell of Viakal.

I secretly dislike two of my friends but don’t know how to get rid of them. I’m a coward who hates confrontation, so I grin and bear it. I also fear losing mutual friends. One has grown into a monomaniac who boasts and talks endlessly about herself and her kids. The other is just boring, selfish and miserable. In fact, they are both boring, and I come away from seeing them feeling worse.

Good thread OP. If you saw the three of us in a cafe laughing, you’d think “wow, I wish I had more friends.” In reality, one of them dislikes the other two and is hating every minute, but is too cowardly to dump them.

We moved into our ugly new build in 2017 and nearly all the walls are still crappy trade white paint. In the rooms we've done, DH has been allowed to make too many decisions, so we have weirdly clashing colours that I pretend to like but don't.

This is so relatable. I ruined our v nice bathroom tiles by using some kind of specialist cleaner on them and leaving it on too long. That was about 2 years ago and I can’t be arsed to try and fix it by getting them resurfaced or something.

everything new we get seems to be blighted in some way. New dishwasher hasn’t been plumbed in properly so is leaking dirty water and leaving a mouldy smell in the kitchen. I’ve done a shoddy job of fixing it with duct tape because I can’t face contacting the company to get it sorted.

similar story with tv