GRAND DAUGHTER DENIED ANY "girly things"

[user1483875094]

Slightly hiding, for fear of being outed.
"Grand-daughter" (hiding) has 3 brothers. GD has never been allowed "girly things" by self proclaimed (loudly!) P.C. MUM. The boys have ALL the boys things, no problem, apparently! but little 4 year old girl has never been allowed anything pink, or with butterflies, or dolls, or necklaces, or anything in any way shape or form, that could possibly be perceived as a little girls desire!
This year she asked for a "doll" and PC mum stepped in and derided her, telling her what NONSENSE this was... bit of a family upset going on, as Grandad and Grandma would LOVE to buy her a dolly, and some pink things, and some necklaces, and some glittery stuff etc. etc. To help to make picture clear, little girl has never owned nor worn a dress, she has never been given the chance. The boys are not forced to only play with "feminine little girly things" so why on earth must this little girl be forced to be a tom boy? Clearly against her will, as well. Would we be awful, to give her some girly things? (and then face the wrath of this mother?) in an already delicate situation. This would not be to make a point, but rather to see that darling little girls face actually receiving some gifts she might treasure? What the heck? What would you all do? (please bear in mind the possible aftermath, and family upsets? We SO want to avoid this, if at all possible.. xx

You're talking about your Daughter in law are you?

Why is this posted in unexplained?

Riiiiiiiight oh.

I think you might be getting worked up about something that probably doesn’t bother your granddaughter at all? Children don’t always get what they want and I never had a doll as a child and was so happy playing with my teddies and other things. If work out whether it really matters as if she’s happy and busy and loved that suggests it’s all ok !

If your granddaughter is safe, fed, warm, loved and has things to play with, then I'd butt out if I were you. You'll only cause upset and ultimately it's the parents' choice in how to raise their child

I don't think there's anything wrong with giving a doll but you may find mum just discards it which would be a waste.

Sorry but this being in the topic "the unexplained" is making me

What would I do?

Butt out. This is because you don't like her mother.
And use fewer capital letters.

Report it to the police.
And social services.
And the queen.

Respect the wishes of the parents. Your GD is well likely to come across a whole manner of 'girly' things at nursery and at school. As long as she's loved and cared for you have no cause to disregard her parents wishes

Do you refer to your DIL as "PC Mum" to her face?

You sound like you hate her mother, which I'm sure she knows.

Oh, and if you think all little girls desire butterflies and pink things just because they are girls you are sexist. And necklaces are dangerous.

Is PC mum a ghost? Or an alien?

@PerfectlyDone you forgot the Archbishop of Canterbury. And Poirot.

Butt out. This is because you don't like her mother.

^This. My MIL wanted to have a girly granddaughter and wanted dd to like pink and frilly dresses and dolls. She's given up buying her girly things, but the disappointment is obvious (to dd as well ). Dd is not a girly girl. I'm quite sure MIL blames me for her lack of girliness. It makes me so angry on dd's behalf.

She has asked for a doll she should be allowed one

Buy dolls for all of them? Equality rules?

I think you’ve slightly misinterpreted the purpose of the Unexplained forum

Her mum is entirely correct. You want to press on her a ‘gender identity’ which will hold her back and actually damage her brain development. ‘Boys’ toys aka toys which involve some reasoning and spatial awareness are so much better for a child’s development.

You want to see her looking and acting a certain way, you’re wrong.

It isn't worth causing a big upset about, especially if your DIL/DD will remove the item anyway. I'd try and find something acceptable that isn't it obviously marketed at stereotypically boys interests.

I'd also work on trying to look at the things you like about your DIL/DD rather than the things you don't.

For what it's worth, your DIL/DD seems to have made a common error about sex-based stereotypes and has wrongly concluded that pink/glitter/dolls/etc. are wrong. They're not, they just should be offered to all children and not just to girls. Then each child can develop their own interests having had the opportunity to experience all options. No child should be told they're wrong for expressing their play preferences!

I wouldn't be fussed about not buying pink but I feel like playing with a doll is good for development and nurturing (both girls and boys). Maybe a non-pink one would be acceptable to her mother?

What do you think DIL/DD would think about this kind of doll?

www.woodentoyshop.co.uk/harry-28cm-doll.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI85Tu5OCW2AIVTrXtCh0x3g8nEAQYBiABEgL60PD_BwE

We have a couple of Lottie Dolls - uk.lottie.com/collections/dolls
Not too pink, you can even buy her a football kit.

My MIL is far too lovely to write this about me, but I buy my dd gender-neutral stuff, and toys that go against the stereotypes because they look fun or they’re stuff she’s asked for. She does wear sparkly stuff from time to time, but dd wants to be an astrophysicist or aeronautical engineer so a childhood spent playing with spaceships and Lego is probably better for her than a childhood pushing pretend dollies in pretend prams.

oh right... got the message, thanks... I am clearly a very horrible person. Thanks for your help, we will buy her a gun, or something similar.