I'm so fed up with having to be so unkind to children to get them to learn

[OntheMat]

It's so bloody wearying. They have never heard the words no or wait. I cannot gently redirect because they do not listen until I'm speaking in such a strict, stern tone of voice I don't like myself.

www.google.com/amp/s/gregashman.wordpress.com/2018/02/09/all-behaviour-is-communication-right/amp/

This blog sums up "behaviour is communication".

I see them when they come out the other end as new graduates in their first jobs. We had one who took so many “mental health days” (which usually coincided with her being told off for missing a deadline or cocking something up) that she was off more often than she was there.

And another one who didn’t get called for interview for a job that was not suitable for a new graduate - much too senior. She emailed me and said “I don’t appear to have been called for interview -hello? Surely some mistake? Which bit of “double first from Cambridge are you too stupid to understand?”

MrsSchadenfreuid that is absolutely unbelievable! Sorry but it did make me laugh

Katharine Birbalsingh has the right idea when it comes to teaching. Have a look at Michaela School in Brent. They achieve great results, with happy children. Admittedly the parents have to be on board with this approach, so I do realize that it might not work in all schools but I think it is the way forward.

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/boy-excluded-school-age-five-21258598?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=mirror_main

I’ve just read this article,

*While the parents understand why the school made the drastic decision, they are distraught and believe more should have been done to keep him in school and get him the help he clearly needs.

Schools have to PEx as a last resort, so they will have done plenty. They also suggest that the child should have been held until he calmed down and then hugged the teacher, he has thrown something at her and cut her lip. Why should she do this, she has been assaulted. I appreciate he is a young child but what does this teach him and the rest of the class? I wouldn’t want my child in a class with someone so volatile regardless of his young age.

He has been offered a place at a PRU which would be more suitable for him but they haven’t taken him - blaming transport issues. The impression I get is that they want everyone else to do the running around for them rather than accepting its their responsibility as parents.

He clearly needs assessing for SEN but that isn’t going to happen if he isn’t in school so he can get it!

To be fair to the couple in the article above, they should be offered transport to take their little boy to school. The council are breaking the law by not providing it.

I dont see how the mum is expected to get him to school 6 miles away, without a car, at the same time as dropping off her other 2 children at their mainstream school.

Yep definitely parental attitudes have shifted.

I see it with parents of teens like me who excuse everything yet we never had that when I was a teen 25 years ago!

My favourite was a friend of mine pissed off because her DD had worn a cardigan to school that wasn't uniform because "she wanted to show teacher and get teachers attention and want teacher to like them" the child wanted the teacher to comment positively on how nice it was.

She just could not understand that her job was to work with dc on self esteem and that teacher would probably like and respect her a lot more if she came in her uniform like everyone else

Every single thing was "she's just" "but ......" "she didn't mean it" "but she tells a different story".
Now she can't understand why her dc has been unable to attend school for near on 2 years.
The simple reason is once in secondary and it becoming stricter and rules really did apply to her she just couldn't cope.

There’s two parents, if the Mum takes the other kids surely the Dad can take him?

It says in the article he has a free bus pass. He would be provided with transport where he is picked up and dropped off if he had a diagnosed SEN need, but he won’t get one until he is at school.

They don't have a car so no one is dropping off the other DCs.

Dad probably at work.

Presumably EuphorbiaHemlockthe1st she is walking the other 2 children to school.

You don't need a diagnosed need, you just need to be attending any alternative provision to qualify for school transport. The reasoning being that he can't attend your local primary and walk there.

Any child that is allocated a primary school over a certain distance away (think its 3 miles, not sure exactly) should be offered school transport whether they have additional needs or not.

And that includes children allocated a mainstream school over certain distance away, through normal admissions process.

No, the father is a full time carer for the mother who apparently has diabetes. I presume that's not all she has, as I've never known anyone with type 1 or 2 diabetes who needed a carer, but there is no info about other problems.

The law on school transport

here

Oh I missed the bit where he is a carer for her. Sounds like family have a lot on their plate.

So please, take your sanctimonious advice about 'shouting' elsewhere

This kind of attitude is what alienates teachers from otherwise supportive parents. You think you know best.

The point is LAs regularly ignore the law, leaving families in desperate situations.

And everyone blames the parents, who actually haven't done anything wrong. Not the LA who are the ones actually breaking the law. And there is no accountability.

He gets free school transport in the form of a free bus pass. Where I saw the article someone had commented saying they know the family and the Dad is her carer because he struggled to get a job after being in prison for drug dealing - the drug dealing seems to be true but I have no way of finding out about the rest.

This seems to have gone off on a tangent. The parents seem to be blaming the school for the kids behaviour over working to resolve the issue. Why is it the responsibility of the school, I don’t go to work to be assaulted, and I don’t expect kids to be assaulted in school, a place that is seen as a safe place for many of them.

It's not free for the parent who has to accompany him though? Unless they've given the parent a free pass too.
I assume several buses a day could easily be 20- 30 quid a week, which is a lot for someone on benefits.

If the child doesn't behave like that outside of school, then the school environment is the cause of his behaviour. Obviously they are trying to get to the bottom of why he can't cope in school, hence the 9 referrals to CAMHS, but he is still waiting to be seen.

CAMHS thresholds and waiting times are another massive joke in this country.

But none of that is the fault or responsibility of the school, the ones that the parents are trying to blame! Why should the parents buses be paid for, no other parent has it paid for, local authorities are at breaking point as it is, why would we pay for parents to take their children to school. At some point parents have to take responsibility.
They say that he doesn’t behave like that at home, but they also mention they know how to deal with his behaviour at that point..... so they must have seen him act like that at home.

How do you think it should be solved?

This thread is depressing, education is very one size fits all and fails do many children. its depressing teachers immediately assume all parents are terrible without considering other issues.

So please, take your sanctimonious advice about 'shouting' elsewhere

This kind of attitude is what alienates teachers from otherwise supportive parents. You think you know best.

You know best for your one child. We have a room full of needs to deal with. Sometimes shouting is necessary. We have to balance the needs of ALL the children, not just the disruptive ones. If I need 32 pupils to be quiet and they are ignoring me, then I will shout.

Some teachers hav e this air of authority and children largely behave well in their class. Some don't but that isn't to say they don't have skills in other areas.
Some children need an authoritative figure, some need other traits to be their best.

Unfortunately people judge on what they personally want or think is best for themselves or their child. Ignoring the fact that all the other parents and and all their children might prefer a different person or method of teaching.

Be realistic, we can't all get what we want.

It’s depressing ringing home to speak to parents about an issue and them blaming you rather helping come to a solution that works for all.

I am busy enough without ringing home/arranging parental meetings for the sake of it! I had a parent try complain to my line manager that I rang them at 4:30 rather than during school hours.... it was the first opportunity I had to do it, even prioritising it over having my lunch. Their kid had thrown another child’s pencil case and it hit a teaching assistant and broke his glasses, he said he didn’t do it and she believed him - myself and the teaching assistant saw it happen. How can we teach that child right from wrong now when he knows his Mum genuinely believes we are picking on him!

This thread is depressing, education is very one size fits all and fails do many children. its depressing teachers immediately assume all parents are terrible without considering other issues.

What's depressing is that no matter how you differentiate and what adjustments you make , you can't combat poor parenting.

What's depressing is seeing SEN issues made worse by bad parenting, from behavioural issues to academic ability.

What's depressing is seeing a child go from average,happy, ok behaved to a ball of anger and fury that gets taken away from their home and blames you for it. A child perfectly adjusted for mainstream transferred to a PRU.