Probation year - constantly feel like crying

[sweetkitty]

Did my PDGE last year, hard juggling it with a family but really enjoyed it. Now doing my probation/NQT year in a lovely little school but feel like I'm sinking.

I'm in school 8.30-4.30pm as I have to leave to make dinner/take the DC to their clubs, work in the evenings 8.30-11ish, Friday night I usually spend lying in a heap as I'm so tired, last night I went to bed with the DC at 9. Was up at 7 this morning for swimming lessons and I've hardly sat down, now my Saturday night will be spent ironing. Tomorrow will be housework then working as I have so much to do for Monday. I don't even like the weekends anymore.

All this for about £1000 a month once we pay childcare. I cannot enjoy spending any time with my own DC as I'm thinking I need to work. I'm totally exhausted and it's only the end of October I'm dreading another few months of this.

DH pulls his weight but we have no family help and four DC, the only thing that's keeping me going is the though of dropping a few days once I'm qualified.

Please tell me it gets better but my colleagues says no it doesn't. I also have a chronic pain condition which doesn't help either.

Oh poor you. It's a rubbish year. What class have you got?
Does your mentor know how stressed you are?

Practical points

• get a cleaner and a slow cooker if you don't have one
• put the kids on school dinners

What is currently taking you the most time?

Sorry you are having a hard time :( currently doing school direct with one child and I recognise the feelings. Much harder for you of course. Personally I stopped ironing years ago...

I have a chronic pain condition too and am slowly coming to the realisation that teaching is just too physical.

No advice I’m afraid but lots and lots of sympathy.

It does get better! I had a good pgce year but was ready to quit my nqt year a week in and I had no children at the time!
It won't even take all year to get better. It'll be at least a bit better even by Christmas, if only because you'll have settled in a bit more.
Just remember that for a teacher, the work is never done. Never. You cannot get it all done so stop even trying to and prioritise. Sometimes the best you can manage is to have the lessons ready. Sod the marking etc. You'll get to them when you can.
Make time for yourself too!

Can you request to go part-time? You may feel awkward being an NQT but the school must consider it. Teaching takes over your life. It's difficult enough without children, never mind full time. Alternatively you may be able transfer any full terms of your NQT to a new school and find a part time job?

Can't get a cleaner as I have a neurotic huge dog who would go mad if anyone New came to the house.

Am considering paying to have my ironing done, I can never understand people who don't iron, what about school shirts and work clothes?
DH does the packed lunches for the DC.
Can't get on top of anything planning especially despite working all these hours.

I have to see out the year to qualify could do the flexible route but it means I'd have to find my own work and work extra days to qualify.

I'm dreading getting up tomorrow as I know how much work I'll have to do.

Nope. You have to suck it up in NQT year. Teaching is not compatible with a family life. You will miss all your children's milestones to look after other peoples'.

I'm hoping if I survive this year to go to 3/4 days a week. Luckily we are not desperate for the money, it will be used for holidays and nice things.

Do you have a mentor? Can you talk to them about workload?

The first half term was the worst of my NQT year. It honestly did start to get better after that. As you gain experience, you will know where you can cut corners and where you can't. It never becomes easy but I doubt you expected an easy job.

I'm hoping if I survive this year to go to 3/4 days a week. Luckily we are not desperate for the money, it will be used for holidays and nice things.

I have been in a similar situation recently and decided the extra money wasn’t worth it! We may have had the extra cash for the nice things but it left us with no time or energy to enjoy it. I could have kept at it if we needed the money to survive but (hopefully) we can cope without it and just enjoy the weekends and evenings a bit more.

You are not alone! I could have written your post! Trying to just take things one week at a time. Feeling sick already about everything I've to try to get on top of today for tomorrow. Writing lists and ticking off even the smallest thing helps.me see the bigger picture.

It gets better after your NQT year. I was exhausted during that year. After the NQT year it is still tiring but I found not being scrutinised so much meant there were little corners I could cut that eased the workload.
You will only survive teaching if you figure out the essential stuff that needs done, ensure it is done and the rest can wait. Make peace with the fact you will never have a finished to do list.
However after 14 Years teaching I will be looking for a different career when my children are older. Eg they don’t need me around in the holidays so much. Try to finish the NQT year and try a bit after that to see if next year is any more manageable. I’m sorry your having a rubbish time. Please don’t feel alone - we all feel the same.

The work load is always high but it does get better. You get quicker at marking, reports, data etc and if you stay in the same class the main bones of your planning/resources is pretty for done already. Plus you will have taught it all once so will know works/doesn't work and will feel more confident.

I feel so guilty about my own children, never having time for them now. They we're used to me being around as I was a SAHM for 12 years so it's been hard for us all. I was up to 11.30 last night ironing so I can use today to work, DH has taken 2 of them to the cinema and he's been doing loads of housework today so I can get on it's such a nice day I'm feeling resentful sitting in front of a lap top

I feel your pain. I was in your position last year but made it through and am now in my RQT year. I honestly thought it was impossible this time last year and was completely exhausted by Christmas. You CAN do this! I just had to prioritise or go insane. At work I use every single minute to add value, I work through lunch, I don’t chat in the staff room after school but get straight on with my marking. I don’t go home until my marking for that day is done and my resources ready for the next day and usually leave by 5. I stay til 5.30 twice a week, once for staff meeting and once to do displays/set up cp etc. On a Friday night I put the kids to bed and plan until it’s dobe, usually til 10/11ish but then I put my school stuff back in the boot of my car and be mum for the whole weekend. I do not iron anymore, toss up between that and going stir crazy, it’s a no brained for me. Hang up kids school stuff on hangers soon as washed and no ones none the wiser. On line shopping and slow cooker/easy meals. I also had a cleaner/dog clash so I clean bathrooms once a week, DH hoovers once a week and that’s it. Sloppy housekeeping but worth it for happiness! Good luck xx

I think if you've been a SAHM for 12 years then the transfer back into work would be difficult even if you hadn't picked a job with an exceptionally high workload. Think about the reasons that you went back into the workplace in the first place, even though you knew you'd have less time with your children. Remember you will get the holidays with them (mostly) which you wouldn't get in most other jobs.

So if you are planning on going part time next year, is it going to be just a case of gritting your teeth, writing this year off and making the best of it you can?

Are you in Scotland? If so contact your LA probation manager. You could go the flexible route and complete your probation in 270 days part time. The days you've done will count towards that.

Teaching is not compatible with family life anymore. I realise you are working every evening, but cant help thinking you are doing better with your working day than many others. I dont know anyone who manages to arrive 15 mins before the children and leave by 4.30pm, unless they are supply teachers.

Stop doing anything that you don't absolutely have to do. Seriously, OP, you do not need to spend hours ironing! Get shirts that are poly/cotton rather than 100% cotton. They can be taken out of the tumble dryer or taken off the washing line and hung up. No need to iron. Hang trousers to dry on a trousers hanger, in their correct creased position upside-down (ie the hanger clips to the hems, not the waistband) and they won't need ironing. Most clothes are either fairly tight fitting, so don't need ironing because the body stretches them in wear or they can be dried and hung up to prevent creasing.

Lower your standards re the housework. It sounds as though you might be trying to continue with the standards you had as a SAHM. That isn't possible, unless you employ a cleaner.

Get the children to clean and tidy up their own rooms, if they don't already do that.

Another nqt here. Have abandoned housework! And husband in charge of ironing.
He is out with the kids and I am sat in a cafe eating cake on my own. Because I need an hour off for lunch and I also need to enjoy being a human being as well as an nqt and a mum. It is not physically possible for me to get all the work I need to done over half term, so am aiming for the bare minimum - can you lower your standards and just use other people's lesson plans etc?

If you don’t need the money then go part time now! You’ll qualify a bit later, but who cares? Nobody will give you a medal for being a martyr.
It does get marginally better throughout your NQT year, but not significantly enough.

I remember the weekend resentment when everybody is having a good time except for you!

Going part time meant that I am actually —somewhat— enjoying the job and I get a family life as well.

I would have thought that a school would refuse a part time request at this point in the year - it would leave them with a hole in the timetable which would be difficult to recruit for.

It’s obviously not ideal, it all depends on how much they want to keep the OP. Teacher shortages mean that schools will accommodate requests throughout the year.