H has only himself to blame.
Which of these conversations is the more likely to have happened.
H: 'Liam, have you checked whether anything is happening with the working royals on 20 October so there are no clashes with the royals who work?'
Liam: 'I have checked, Your Elevated Royal Highness. The Oman's Head of State is atcWindsor Castle on the first day of a state visit, the first for 40 years.'
H: 'Heavens! Just as well we do these checks. It shows the value of joint planning when seeking a family reconciliation after an extended period of episodes of intergenerational trauma echoing down the millenia.'
Liam: 'Quite right, Your Authentic Royal Highness. It's a scrupulously professional operation we're running here.'
Liam: 'Great news, Your Authentic Royal Highness. The Omani State Visit is taking place on 20 and 21 October. GQ US edition have given me a date of 10 October for releasing your 'Ask me another question' interview. I've just put the phone down to their Chief Communications Officer and he's agreed to release it on 20 October, 10 days later than originally planned. So it will clash with the first day of the state visit and knock the king off the front pages.'
H: 'Marvellous, Maguire. Result!! You're worth every pair of Marks & Spencer's boxer shorts we pay you in lieu of salary now Coutt's has put us on a budget management plan.'
Liam: 'It's a pleasure, Your Elevated Royal Highness and the Prince of England. I was insistent it must be released by 1pm GMT, so there's clear water between it and the coverage of Kate Middleton's gown and tiara for the state banquet at which they are drinking five types of tea, having turned down the Duchess's generous offer that As ever become the Official Purveyor of Fine Wines to the Royal Household.'
H: 'You're due a bonus for that quick thinking, Maguire. Give M&S a call, would you, there's a good chap, and get them to deliver an additional dozen low fat Cairo date and Manuka honey yogurts with this week's staff order.'
Liam: 'Just doing my job, My Prince of England Whose Scrumptious Buttocks I Adore. Tomorrow's story is the Duchess's discovery that she is 56% Welsh and that her three times great-grandmother in the maternal line was the only 100% African resident of Abervan in 1866.'
H: 'Amazeballs! I will be wearing the Poltimore Tiara for our next encounter, channelling Margot.'
Liam: 'Please wear a wedding dress too, Your Royal Dukeness and Prince of the Realm Most Fragrantness. I believe the Duchess has a white dress by Roksanda illčić that would grip your seductive curves in a seductive fashion.'
H: 'Deluded, Liam, but anything to keep you happy. And me, of course. Share the love.'
Typo