Best advice for Harry going forward?

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I have all the same initial reactions as many others on MN regarding Harry i.e. whiner, grifter, stupid, entitled etc and it's easy to dole out the criticism.

However while I wouldn't say I have sympathy for him, as so much of his situation is of his own making, I actually do have some underlying feelings of concern for him and his future (and children).

He reminds me an awful lot of a relative of mine who is neurodiverse with a mild learning disability and a tendency to be self-absorbed with an overdeveloped victim complex - always lashing out, blaming others, seeing conspiracy where there is none etc.

Harry is clearly a damaged man, with childhood trauma and issues which continue to plague his mental health.
As with my relative, he has grown up with a support network which has probably quietly managed and enabled his passage through life, but when big outbursts happen (as have happened in our family too) everyone backs off and 'grey rocks' him until he has calmed down. Some people just give up, too exhausted by the constant drama of it all.

This is so true. I remember seeing a lot of stuff about Harry's antics in the press - naked snooker (with pixelated photos) was one! - but most of us just laughed. As you say, it certainly didn't do his popularity with the public any harm.

It's astonishing to think that his soaring popularity rating at that time has since crashed to being slightly more popular than Andrew. And Harry has brought that entirely upon himself.

No I do, I've had therapy and many of my friends have.

I think some of them should ask for their money back! I had one good therapist, the others were a waste of time.

I think it's really helpful but only to a point, so Harry has had lots of therapy clearly. But I think you can get stuck in it. Therapists explain why your family messed you up, true. But then you've got to have a life and relationship with them beyond that.

And often therapists don't call you out and give you some hard truths over your behaviour.

So you end of describing everything and everyone within the lens of therapy speak. My mother is a narcissist, my brother is etc etc. And not looking at yourself.

I think you have to just get on with things after a certain point, find something else, do something else.

I think there’s more to the whole ‘I can’t bring my children to the UK’ thing.

Meghan may be putting these thoughts in his brain. I can well imagine she doesn’t want to set any sort of precedent with the children coming over here and forming bonds and relationships with their British family.

Because one day, when they split up - which I suspect they will - there will be absolutely no question as to where the children are to be brought up, given they’ve never been to England and know no one there. She’ll be raising the children in America and Harry will be stuck there if he wants to see his kids.

He needs proper therapy. He needs to contact his family and humbly apologise. He then needs to go back to California, drop the title, lay low for a year or two then train to be a landscape gardener. Just live a normal life.

Please please please, Harry. SHUT UP!

The thing is with therapy you need to be open to change, be able to reflect, listen and take advice on board , im
not sure if Harry is capable

He needs to be quiet, both him and his wife stop chasing fame and lecturing the public, stop the faux royal tours and get on with the life they said they wanted

What he really needs to do is impossible but still!

he needs to go back in time and listen to the advice he was given and actually think about things clearly before he started down the path he’s taken of dynamiting his whole life and reputation and flushing it down the toilet!

@Misorchid

“Meghan was an actress, involved in Hollywood and grew up in the company of theatrical people. I’d have more respect for her if she started a drama/theatre company for children in deprived areas, even worldwide, than making spreads and jumping on the bandwagon of tradwives.”

I have always thought that Meghan just wanted fame and fortune . To the best of my knowledge she has never done any theatre acting and didn’t seem to appreciate the late Queen making her patron of the National Theatre .

I think it.is time to stop pondering Harry's labyrinthine thought processes. He is trying to blackmail the King (what would you feel if something happened to my children...same old song).
We might focus on the King and his health. Harry isn't going to let him fight and recover from his illness in peace, or God forbid, allow him to die in peace. Going public with his illfounded grievances (the RF family didn't stop talking to you because you wrote a book, they stopped because of WHAT you wrote) must be excruciating for the King. The late Queen and Prince Philip were tormented by Harry's demands and tantrums at the end of their lives. Why can't Harry see this and just SHUT UP.

@LovelySG I agree that Meghan is definitely the winner in the relationship. She’s got a title; she wants to live in the US and they do; the children are resident in the US so whatever happens, they’ll stay there; until they’re 18, she would need to give permission for them to visit the UK and she’s not going to do that, plus Harry can never become a naturalized US citizen as he’ll have to give up his titles if he does- I know this for sure as I’ve been through the process (I didn’t have any titles to give up though 🤣).

She has the upper hand completely. If he wants to be happy, I think that he needs to accept this and get on with his life there with his mouth firmly shut on the RF. No more hankering after the better parts of his old life, he’s not getting them back.

The never ending ‘James Hewitt is your father’ saga may have been more damaging than we realise. Maybe even more than his mother’s death? Of course he doesn’t speak about it but it might have messed up his vulnerable mind

The same could well apply to the rumours about Meghan's people approaching publishers about a post-divorce book, @Misorchid

FWIW I don't believe those either, but it's not hard to see how badly they could damage Harry's clearly disturbed state of mind

I don’t know. I don’t think the RF handled this correctly back when the problem occurred, and I don’t think they are handling it well now.

Harry may have not gone about things in the right way, but if someone is hurt and facing multiple closed doors, they will continue raging outside!

Just let the man in fhs and talk to him decently. If BP are worried about him disclosing the details in public; then behave decently and there’s nothing untoward to disclose is there?

I also think Harry is at a disadvantage because we only know his side and the monarchy is protected by a certain level of power and privacy that no one seems to acknowledge exists!

He can’t possibly win up against the monarchy and its slew of supporters; there’s a huge power imbalance, so they are leaving Harry, very unwisely imho, with no face-saving come back, and that will only lead to more upset on both sides.

Yeah. He’s truly been a fool and a mug. So many opportunities and resources and privileges squandered because he was in thrall to her.

It galls me that a boorish, crass American who disdains the UK and the royal family nevertheless preens herself over her title.

We do know from Harry’s own words in his “book” that between the rants and false memories, that both his father and brother did in fact try to talk to him many , many times, and each time he reacted by lashing out in anger with false statements to them!

he tells us this himself, so imagine what the full truth would be if Charles or William actually shared their own sides!
you say the rf handled this incorrectly but you need to remember that they are also a family who by all accounts have looked after and even indulged Harry for all his life.

sometimes there is nothing you can do to stop someone with Harry’s delusions, sometimes they go too far , I imagine that after years of this behaviour ( and remember we probably only have seen the tip of the iceberg) that they have reached the end of their patience.

no normal person would be expected to put up with the constant attacks and lies and insults while turning the other cheek , I’m not sure why we expect the royals to , they are after all humans with real feelings and emotions.

and I’m also sure they know Harry much better than all us armchair commentators.

@Hardcrustsfromnowon654 In Spare, Harry tells us that at Prince Philip's funeral (which was AFTER the Oprah Winfrey interview), William begged Harry to believe that he (William) just wants Harry to be happy and Harry said that he didn't believe him. William even invoked their mother's 'life' - a signal between them about how seriously they meant something. Not only did Harry not believe him but he then went and reported that conversation to the whole world in his book.

I think that was very generous of William and Harry shoved it back in his face. And so many things have happened since. The royals started by doing what you said they should do but Harry rejected it. He has said several times that he wants to reconcile with the family but his actions contradict his words.

That was such vile behaviour on Harry's part. William has certainly gone up in my estimation.

He can’t possibly win up against the monarchy and its slew of supporters;

What is he trying to "win".

The secuity issue been settled -and frankly from most people view is fair.

They can't make him King which TBH seems to be what he actually wants to have the top job.

The half in and half out model - their monetising the RF connections - doesn't work for the RF as an institution which has to look to retain a level of public suport and poltical impartiality.

His version of events differs from others even when it a matter of record via accessible contemporty newspaper reports. He's an unreliable narrator and his behavior so far shows any conversation likely to be twisted and reported to the press to suppot his view point.

Frankly hard though it must have been the non reponse or low key reponse and not engaing with Harry has with time been I think the best long term plan.

Harry has so many areas of his life that appear in turmoil (RF estrangement, Sentabale, court cases, etc.), and he doesn't seem to be supproted by his wife. Only this week MM is telling the world how blissfully happy she is.

Harry is unable to get back on track on his own and MM's is the only opinion he listens to. I also don't think Harry's future can be planned by him because I believe his marriage will end and that's one of the next battles he will face.

I think MM's and Harry's desires in life are too different. Hers is one of immense fame and wealth (wanting to be a billionaire). He already had this. MM needs to stay in the public eye to even attempt the future she wants. Fame doesn't seem to interest Harry.

Harry needs to fade away from the public's gaze for a very long time, to slowly and quietly re-establish himself as a decent human being. Right now he looks like a middle-aged petulant entitled prick, who thinks he's special. Harry (as many others have said), does need to shut up and count his many many blessings in life.

I also found it interesting that Harry can forgive his immensely wealthy and powerful family for a range of sins against him and his family, but there was no mention of Thomas Marklehat. All he did was have his photo taken.

but there was no mention of Thomas Marklehat

I don’t know why but that typo has made
me chuckle. Juvenile I know but I can imagine that instead of being “Markled” as some
posters say, they would have to say “being Marklehatted” 😆😆. Sorry, sorry

edit because full name wasn’t there 😆

Just let the man in fhs and talk to him decently. If BP are worried about him disclosing the details in public; then behave decently and there’s nothing untoward to disclose is there?

That doesn't follow at all.

It's perfectly possible to have things that aren't at all untoward but that you nonetheless want to remain private. Anything related to Charles' health and prognosis is an obvious example. Doesn't have to be information of the how many trafficking victims did Andrew really have sex with variety to still be something they understandably don't want out there.

I'm no great fan of the monarchy and not a supporter of anyone who uses a royal title, fwiw. Whether they happen to live in the UK or Montecito.

We all have different thoughts on this but I think it could follow if they didn’t talk about Charles’s health or anything related to them and actually talked to Harry about his children, his life in the USA, his finances, security, his visits to the UK, his accommodation, and came to some sort of compromise!

They could make it work if they wanted to but the will isn’t there. And sorry but that’s not a good look if you are head of the C of E.

Charles wrote a book in which he aired complaints about his childhood, and his parents forgave him! Why can’t he follow suit? I think the onus is always on the parent to at least try. Especially a parent whose health is uncertain.

Charles did not write a book. It was written by David Dimbleby. Have you read it? It's actually very dull. His criticism was about his schooling and how his parents should have listened to his concerns. However, he understood that they believed they had made the right choice.
He didn't reveal anything private, there was nothing scathing or nasty, nothing about his brother's genitals, nothing rude or offensive about other members of the family. He didn't talk about his todger or blame everyone and anyone else for his own mistakes.
Quite a different book altogether.

Oh, and he didn't follow it up with years of tv interviews, magazine stories and a Netflix series selling gossip and making money out of his family's privacy.
So. Very different.

👏 excellent, I’m fed up of the Charles wrote a book too comments , it’s like comparing apples and oranges and coming away with bananas!