Best advice for Harry going forward?

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I have all the same initial reactions as many others on MN regarding Harry i.e. whiner, grifter, stupid, entitled etc and it's easy to dole out the criticism.

However while I wouldn't say I have sympathy for him, as so much of his situation is of his own making, I actually do have some underlying feelings of concern for him and his future (and children).

He reminds me an awful lot of a relative of mine who is neurodiverse with a mild learning disability and a tendency to be self-absorbed with an overdeveloped victim complex - always lashing out, blaming others, seeing conspiracy where there is none etc.

Harry is clearly a damaged man, with childhood trauma and issues which continue to plague his mental health.
As with my relative, he has grown up with a support network which has probably quietly managed and enabled his passage through life, but when big outbursts happen (as have happened in our family too) everyone backs off and 'grey rocks' him until he has calmed down. Some people just give up, too exhausted by the constant drama of it all.

Try picking a story and sticking too it? How's about the truth?

Yes, it's not done him any good.

@Fluffyholeysocks I get what you mean. Obviously hasn't helped him thus far and agree there is such a thing as too much. I've wondered though if the right therapist could make inroads because I'm not sure who else around him would be a truly useful counsellor/sounding board.

Harry spends a lot of time poking the media with what he sees as olive branches... but also complains dramatically about having to flee from press- attention in danger of his life. This is a man who is having trouble giving up fame.

Perhaps always being of interest to others is part of his understanding of himself.

I was thinking about how I'd feel if a member of my family wrote a book about our lives and told everyone all our petty arguments, faults and quirky ways. The world wouldn't be very interested in us of course, but I would still feel betrayed.

The writer would have to be kept well away from family news and events in case they did the same thing again.

This would be true long long after they had been forgiven. Trust doesn't grow back well.

Another vote for SHUT THE FUCK UP HARRY.

Tbh when he Megxited I think he should have moved to SA, Lesotho, Zim etc and quietly got on with conservation and charity work there. But now that’s just another bridge that’s burned. And I don’t have the impression that MM wanted that kind of life.

It’s all terribly sad, more so for being avoidable.

Shut up and deal with it.

Here we go with the brainsplaining again. Maybe he's just a self entitled dork. Doesn't mean he's neuro whatever today's is.

Stop talking to the press and start talking to your family. Do what it takes to make sure your kids have a relationship with their grandparents and cousins.

To simply STOP speaking publicly!! I’m sure to that he would say they won’t listen to him privately but the reason they won’t is BECAUSE of his public tattling, so it’s a vicious circle and only he can stop it. I’m sure if he kept his head down for a while eventually they would be open to at least hearing him out privately.

He can buy the best advice out there - but clearly doesn't want it.

If it was me I'd have taken the money bought somewhere quiet and good for security then enjoyed raising the kids and indulged my and DH hobbies. It's clearly not the lifestyle they want.

Unfortunately for them I think the lifestyle they want is beyond their means.

I'm not sure he wants the actual family back - if he did he wouldn't give interviews blaming them - I think he wants the royal connection to exploit.

I'm not sure he is the sad mad as much as the thwarted one.

I do get the ND impulsiveness and that's an issue in my family but everyone manages to be civil and not pubically badmouth everyone else to extent we feel we have to cut them off. This interview was arranged days in advance and I think rehearsed so I think it's much more calulated than impulsive.

I think he needs to sell his enormous house and downsize to something more modest (nothing too drastic - it’s still going to be a mansion with a pool, in California) so he does not need to be so desperate to make money.
Ideally he should then also buy a modest property (ok, mansion) in the UK - consulting with RAVEC and security experts about how he and his family could safely stay there. Once the security provisions had been agreed upon he could bring his children back during their school holidays, visiting his father etc, as long as he gave everyone enough notice that they were coming.
It would be best if Harry could forget about being a billionaire; work out how much income he has right now, just coming in without him doing anything, and then budget to live within those means.
He should then choose one, or at most two, good “causes” and work for them Monday to Friday (or the equivalent) which would give his life meaning. Meghan could carry on doing what she’s doing to earn a living but cut out the monetising the children element and stop milking the royal connection.
No more talking about the royal family, no more interviews, statements, books etc about the royal family. What’s done is done, but they should call a halt now.
They could have wonderful lives if they just got on with it, enjoying their hobbies and socialising (for the equivalent of two days a week, say), while keeping their main focus on raising their two children.

While Prince Harry does still get police protection in the UK, it is not automatic and he has to give plenty of notice of visits - which, he has argued, could expose him and his family to danger
(BBC News)

This was on the last thread which filled up before I could post, but I'm flummoxed as to how Harry giving Ravec notice of a visit could involve "danger" to him ... unless it's seriously being suggested that they'd tip off the Taliban or whoever, in which case the lunatics really have taken over the asylum

As for the thread title, my own advice would be to try to find some peace of mind by behaving like a rational person, capable of recognising his own faults instead of merely focusing on those of others

@Puzzledandpissedoff there's just no logic to it. He's professionally peeved and it's just another thing to whine about.

It’s hard to say because there are a lot of unknowns. It’s clear that both Meghan and Harry have a hankering both to be in the public eye, and to live a certain lifestyle. In the royal family they could be in the public eye the way that they want but not have the lifestyle because they have to tow the institution line of a life of service. They could have their current lifestyle easily by taking good advice from experts and staying out of the public eye. So it’s clear to me that money and fame are both equally important to them.

Regarding the unknowns, when it comes to the British royal family we don’t actually know how they really interact privately. Nothing at all is out in the open except Harry and Meghan’s provably unreliable accounts. Charles and the rest have no choice but to say absolutely nothing to Harry at the moment in my honest opinion because Harry will sell the story to the highest bidder. I don’t know who was right or wrong in the past but until Harry can prove that he won’t blab to anyone and everyone then Charles and William’s hands are a bit tied really. If they’re as cold and calculating in private as Harry claims then his children aren’t really missing out on anything except the royal experience, which isn’t important- right?

Shut up publicly. Do the stuff you’re good at-isn’t it generally accepted that he’s good at the Invictus stuff-there must be more he can contribute to around Veterans, surely? Get some more therapy. Try to enjoy his life.

When Harry and Meghan stepped away from being working Royals, I envisaged them starting their own charitable foundation and using the press interest shown in them to draw attention to worthwhile causes. They could have made a big difference and most of us would have applauded them.

What Harry needs to do is stop speaking "his truth" to the world via interviews, books etc. Airing what he considers to be his family's dirty laundry in public hasn't done him any favours with the Royal Family or with the British public. Family dynamics are always complicated and the Royal Family rarely comment on such things so he's spouting his words into a vacuum, which makes him look both childish and stupid.

He also needs to develop what I call a "gratitude attitude." Yes, ofcourse losing his mum at such a young age was awful but it was awful for William too, and thousands of other children who lost a parent at such a young age. However, he has a lot going for him. He has his wife, (I'm not a fan but still), his children, his health, his wealth and he's still relatively young. He has so much that so many others don't have so he needs to drop the perpetual "victim" mentality.

Finally, he needs to accept that you can't resign from your job but still expect to receive the perks you enjoyed whilst you were still in that employment. He "resigned" from being a working Royal, fine. But he shouldn't now expect to receive (armed) close protection whenever he visits the UK, unless the Home Office have Intel that suggests that it is warranted. We are not a "guns for hire" country and to suggest the PM should intervene on his behalf demonstrates a level of arrogant entitlement that is off the scale.

... until Harry can prove that he won’t blab to anyone and everyone then Charles and William’s hands are a bit tied really

But how could that ever be proved, @MollyRover?

So many of Harry's claims have been shown to be baseless that I'm not sure another promising silence could be relied on, and even if he really meant it what about his wife, who's also very keen on running her mouth off?

Shut up, grow up, drop the victim mentality, take some accountability, find some meaning in life. And get some advice/therapy from someone who’s not going to just agree with everything you say

Work properly on Invictus. He should stop making it all about himself and a fashion show for his wife.
The Royal Family gave this to him in good faith, he should reciprocate by making it about the veterans.
It's just the Meghan and Harry show now.

I think he should at the least learn his lesson from trying to take on the (British) press. That was never going to end well. Why he thought he'd succeed god knows.

The front pages were all him and Farage and reform.

Just actual time away from the public eye I think. Only showing up (not Meghan’s definition of “showing up”) to events and engagements for existing organizations that he/they are patrons of and doing what professional aides advise instead of going off script. Harry has had practice with this his whole life, he knows the drill!!

I do find it interesting that he is the only one selling his family’s secrets and not Meghan, she seems to at least still have some social connections and doesn’t speak of them much if at all. His friends would be more culturally aligned with his family and traditionally within the aristocracy blabbing would be a no-no. He needs some friends and not just subjects and yes-men.

I repeatedly see people talking about poor Harry and childhood trauma .
William is only 2 years older and arguably had it worse in that Diana confided in him ( wrong!) and also he was expected to look after Harry at Eton rather than forge his own path .
Yet somehow William appears to be a happily married man who clearly loves being a father and doing the job he inherited .

I think Harry is overestimating how much the British public care about a multi millionaire 40 something grown man and whether or not he will get the inheritance he's clearly panicking about.

Unforgivable to comment that he doesn't know how long his father might have left. That is private family business.

I'm no longer blaming mental health on his behaviour. I think he's an insufferable selfish inconsiderate human.

Isn’t the point they don’t take advice?

Go away and have some private time.
And perhaps start living a simpler life. Invictus works well as a machine so that is something he can stick with.
It is clear he struggles being involved in charities. Sets them up with the best of intentions but then makes a mess, doesn’t commit. So steer clear for a while.
Stop scatter gunning with causes. Pick one, one he maybe has some experience of, and work out how he can be of service. Work with families who have lost a parent.
I think that the damage done to him, and which he is now inflicting on himself, is hard to reverse.
A few years ago he said him and William were on different paths. Now it seems he and his wife are, despite the protestations of love.
In terms of PR, they need to pare down what they are doing as a couple.
He was always loved because he had something relatable about him - the cheeky, naughty younger brother. But he’s lost that with age, as he should do, but he seems to have lost that humour as well.
He doesn’t need to change the world, he needs to change his world. And for that I would advise him to lead a more private life.
Not sure his wife can, though….