Best advice for Harry going forward?

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I have all the same initial reactions as many others on MN regarding Harry i.e. whiner, grifter, stupid, entitled etc and it's easy to dole out the criticism.

However while I wouldn't say I have sympathy for him, as so much of his situation is of his own making, I actually do have some underlying feelings of concern for him and his future (and children).

He reminds me an awful lot of a relative of mine who is neurodiverse with a mild learning disability and a tendency to be self-absorbed with an overdeveloped victim complex - always lashing out, blaming others, seeing conspiracy where there is none etc.

Harry is clearly a damaged man, with childhood trauma and issues which continue to plague his mental health.
As with my relative, he has grown up with a support network which has probably quietly managed and enabled his passage through life, but when big outbursts happen (as have happened in our family too) everyone backs off and 'grey rocks' him until he has calmed down. Some people just give up, too exhausted by the constant drama of it all.

Just go back to your wife and kids and enjoy your life in Cali, your wife is desperately trying to manifest a honeymoon period and you are raining on her parade.

I think Harry has met Megan and they have bonded over their family dysfunction. This has been great to finally find someone who has experienced traumatic childhoods.

However, they both have wounds and it seems they have egged each other on trying to heal past hurts, looking for apologies and change from the people who hurt them.

I feel Megan has Harry's ear and we've all heard the word salads and seen the red flags. I feel he is in a bubble with what could be a living nightmare. He really has nowhere to go. He is between a rock and a hard place.

He probably should start by seeking out James Hewitt and see if a relationship can be formed there. Plus, if the lady he lost his virginity to becomes available, her personality was solid and she was likely the classiest lady he ever crossed path with. He needs privacy, he needs healing and he needs peace.

He assumed his full time security would remain in place and that his father would continue to fund him .
The fact that neither of these things continued has helped fuel his anger.

He should learn to be a carpenter.
Or buy a small farm and work on it.

Something real and concrete to work on everyday.

His grandiose idea of 'Public Service' is really about his ego.
We don't need his service.

Leading a small fulfilling life achieving something every day by making something or growing something is just as 'worthy' as public service despite the world not knowing about it.

Then my other suggestion is a bit left field for mumsnet: become a Catholic 😁(full disclosure I am Catholic!)

Catholicism asks you to examine your own conscience and seek forgiveness, and tells you to forgive others.

Modern therapy which seems to have replaced religion, instead seems to encourage victims narratives, places blame and agency on others or explains your own actions by some diagnosis which removes responsibility.

In all seriousness intervention by a Christian guide such as the archbishop of Canterbury or a trusted pastor could help bring real reconciliation and healing if Charles and Harry would engage open heartedly in it.

But it's unlikely as these are considered outdated values and approaches now, but the new ones of therapy, My Truth and call people out, don't seem to be working for Harry or many families.

There’s plenty of good advice on this thread. I actually agree with @StrawberryWasp

Then there’s this:

He probably should start by seeking out James Hewitt and see if a relationship can be formed there. Plus, if the lady he lost his virginity to becomes available, her personality was solid and she was likely the classiest lady he ever crossed path with. He needs privacy, he needs healing and he needs peace.

Too funny. 😆

"He's living proof that happiness is not to be found in a place or a person, but within yourself. It doesn't matter where Harry goes: until he vanquishes his demons, they will always follow him." (Sarah Vine)

This ⬆️. He needs to take as much time out as is needed to vanquish his demons and then reassemble what's left.

Did someone seriously suggest the Archbishop of Canterbury as a spiritual guide? Blimey…..

I think that’s good advice, @StrawberryWasp (although A of C has probably blocked Harry 😂 ).

I am not a religious person, but I do believe in Do Unto Others. Actually I think the rot in society can be blamed on “The Greatest Love of All” by Whitney Houston. It’s all about Meeeeeeeeeeee!! This must be numbers 1 to 7 of Meghan’s Desert Island Discs…

This is so spot on 😂

I have a family member very much like Harry - lazy, deluded, entitled, unskilled and arrogant, blames the past and everyone else, eternal victim. Some of these posts could be talking about him minus the millions. But Harry has those millions to sort himself out in any number of different ways, he has no idea how privileged he is.

What is the job of a spiritual adviser? If a priest has failed to be as active in one part of his job as he thinks he should have been, why should that make him useless at everything?
Anyone, Roman Catholic or not, who has gone to a Christian church for a while, could probably tell Harry about Jesus's teaching on forgiveness, and six useful things that he could do with his life. Matt 25

Yes, we live in a world of 'you deserve' this hair colour / holiday after Covid et cetera, rather than 'Oi, this is your duty'.

I don't know every counsellor in the world. Do all counsellors ask their clients what they want them (the counsellors) to do?

It is possible for a counsellor to challenge a patient / customer / client. I don't think they all just agree with the patient. Well, I know so. Would it be good for someone to sit down privately with Harry and challenge him?

No interviews, no books, no podcasts. Go home, reflect.

Therapy.

Write a full and genuine apology to his father and brother. Offer to make an approved public statement of apology acknowledging the hurt and betrayal.

Privately bring his family to meet the King with no fuss and drama.

Then go away and shut up for the rest of his life.

Totally agree with this*.
At some point in your life you have to accept the realities and move on.

It’s also good to reflect on your own role and note that publicity never helps in dealings with close relatives. Once it’s out it’s out. And there is no coming back from it.

Why on earth would he seek out a former lover of his late mother? He has nothing to contribute

It's the usual "paternity" thing isn't it? One of the few things I do genuinely sympathise with Harry about is being followed by this nonsense all his life. That one isn't his fault.

No indeed. All people need to do is look at Charles - he and Harry have the same nose and eyes. Harry also looks like a less handsome version of Prince Philip. It's all very silly.

Absolutely this. So simple and yet so beyond him.

@upinaballoonI know this is completely derailing-but the Archbishop defended paedophiles. There is no way he should be anybody’s spiritual advisor. I find the suggestion quite shocking.

I feel Megan has Harry's ear and we've all heard the word salads and seen the red flags. I feel he is in a bubble with what could be a living nightmare. He really has nowhere to go. He is between a rock and a hard place

And this is why, while Meghan's certainly not to blame for Harry's own choices, there's no denying she's played a blinder in getting the fame she'd never otherwise have had while he trails lost in her wake

It's not my idea of how to build marital happiness, but I suppose if trampling all over others to get what you want appeals it's always an option

Compromise
And do things in private not public
Oprah ffs, what were you thinking!
I support him over the press and security and understand why these are worthwhile public battles for him
But otherwise, just stop!

Just stop moaning about security.
You get top security paid for by the UK taxpayer. Stop lying about how at risk you are when you live in a country where gun ownership is high and you have no problem visiting Nigeria and Colombia.

Oh and stop pretending you're taking on the press when you collaborate with so many outlets, including the Daily Mail.

I think it's too late for him to shut up, live privately and expect it all to just go away.

He's totally overstepped with the BBC interview and I wouldn't now be surprised to see 'Spare 2' incoming on the basis he might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb.

I don't think there's any point in giving him advice. If he doesn't want to hear it he wouldn't listen.

I was trying to be ecumenical 😁

But I have thought about another advantage to him becoming Catholic: he'd be removing himself from the line of succession 🤣

He could just restyle himself as Harry Windsor local craftsman.

The never ending ‘James Hewitt is your father’ saga may have been more damaging than we realise. Maybe even more than his mother’s death? Of course he doesn’t speak about it but it might have messed up his vulnerable mind. The likeness was considerable.

Meghan was an actress, involved in Hollywood and grew up in the company of theatrical people. I’d have more respect for her if she started a drama/theatre company for children in deprived areas, even worldwide, than making spreads and jumping on the bandwagon of tradwives.