Best advice for Harry going forward?

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I have all the same initial reactions as many others on MN regarding Harry i.e. whiner, grifter, stupid, entitled etc and it's easy to dole out the criticism.

However while I wouldn't say I have sympathy for him, as so much of his situation is of his own making, I actually do have some underlying feelings of concern for him and his future (and children).

He reminds me an awful lot of a relative of mine who is neurodiverse with a mild learning disability and a tendency to be self-absorbed with an overdeveloped victim complex - always lashing out, blaming others, seeing conspiracy where there is none etc.

Harry is clearly a damaged man, with childhood trauma and issues which continue to plague his mental health.
As with my relative, he has grown up with a support network which has probably quietly managed and enabled his passage through life, but when big outbursts happen (as have happened in our family too) everyone backs off and 'grey rocks' him until he has calmed down. Some people just give up, too exhausted by the constant drama of it all.

I would say, stop going to therapists. All this navel gazing / therapy speak just makes you the central victim in the narrative of your life with everyone else to blame. Or as the young uns call it 'your truth'.

Many, many family's are messed up but they are your family and they love you. Find a way to get over yourself and get on with them.

Busy yourself with charity work and just keep your head down and get on with it, stop acting out about your family.

Zip it and go enjoy California with your wife and children. Live the quiet life.

I think anyone who thinks he doesn’t need therapy doesn’t understand therapy.

The biggest problem I see is that Harry and Meghan appear to want different things. She wants fame and to be an A lister but I’m not sure that’s what he wants.

Deep down it seems Harry does want to be a member of the RF but completely on his own terms or their terms and can’t accept that the status quo has changed.

He seems angry, resentful and full of victim status. His lack of critical thinking as to why they’re where they are is evident. His vision of what he wants isn’t compatible with being a member of the RF, nor compatible with his previous behaviour, and ongoing behaviour, of talking about private family matters.

They don’t think ahead they clearly don’t take professional advice and they steam ahead with half baked ideas without any substance.

But ultimately he doesn’t look or sound like a happy person and he’s five years into this new life and seems in more turmoil than ever.

Taking a break, a back seat, living a quieter life, downsizing would all make sense. But this is completely against what his wife wants. So it would appear it will just be more of the same.

Write 3 letters of abject apology to your father, your brother and your SIL, with no expectation of acknowledgement or response

Make that four letters of apology - the fourth to your father's wife, whom you have publicly insulted.

Stop all the faux royal tours, faux award ceremonies and so on and stay quietly at home.

Ditch the SS and other fans and followers.

Find something useful to do, that will occupy most of your waking hours and give you something to think about other than your own grievances, real or imagined. If it involves physical exertion in the open air, so much the better.

And shut up.

Have a weekly call with his Aunt Anne and follow her exact advice.
Problem is, he won't follow any of the great advice here to shut up, live within his means and find one real job to do well. He and his wife are consumed with grandiosity. They seem to really believe that they have special skills and wisdom to share with the world. Their constant thirst for acclaim will not be sated in a quieter life.

Advice for Harry (no-one ever listens to my advice, but never mind...)

1. Stop talking to the media.
2. Persuade MM to shut down her Instagram account.
3. Sell the big house. Buy something affordable.
4. Find something to do that creates a feeling of purpose. Aim to get to the end if the day with a feeling of satisfaction for what has been achieved. This might be paid work or chopping wood. Struggle (or effort), and a feeling of accomplishment will help with good mental health.
5. Say sorry to people who have been hurt by you. And mean it.
6. Pause and consider that the life of at least one other individual was torn to shreds by Diana's death. Take time to think about that person, and the burden they carry on their shoulders without the help of their brother. Think seriously about all they have responsibility for now, and will have in the future, and all the worry they have shouldered in recent months. Ask yourself whether you have been the person you should have been. How can you start to help? You are not a 'spare', you are an extra, a bonus, a right hand man, a supporter, a man who knows about duty, so give your bloody head a wobble.
7. Be dutiful.
8. Think about the values your grandparents had. Are you living a life that they would be proud of?
9. Buy your own bloody sausages

10. Ask yourself what would your mother say about it all. Be honest with yourself about the answer.

My advice to him would be stop whining about the obvious consequences of the choices you have made:

Your father and brother don’t want to talk to you because anything they say will likely be spun against them in your next whine-fest interview or book. Who can blame them.

Your country doesn’t want to pay for security for you to float about - in and out. You made your choice to leave - get on with it.

STOP trying to get rights in this country that you forfeited when you chose to leave this country, making it impossible for you to continue to be a working royal.

STOP talking to the media

STOP writing books

You’ve made your bed - with Meghan, in California - so pipe down, tuck in and lie in it.

Harry is 30 years of age.

He needs ro SHUT UP and stop whining

1.stop talking to the press or any kind of media. 2. Downsize so their $millions last longer. 3. Stop doing fake royal tours. 4. Find a genuine interest and work at it, although I’m not sure what that might be. He doesn’t seem comfortable with many people. If he did all of this, especially the downsizing (foolish idea, I know) he could travel to the UK regularly and pick up his friendships again. Maybe, eventually, if he did all of this for a while some of his family might want to talk to him.

Sorry.. 40 years of age !!

I agree with the advice many of you have given (stop talking to the media, downsize, live quietly - but meaningfully and peacefully and eventually happily).

I doubt that's going to happen. I think the more interesting question, rather than 'what should he do?' is 'what will he do?'.

I think his options are running out a bit. It's very much looking like they won't be handed hugely valuable contracts for no reason in the near future. Meghan looks like she's dabbling in this 'fruit spread' stuff but it's highly unlikely it's a venture that's ever going to bring in the big bucks. What is to become of them? We've discussed their wealth before and most of us are leaning towards that they can't maintain this standard of living for the rest of their lives and still hand a substantial fortune to each of their children.

It reminds me a bit of the plot of Austen's novel 'Persuasion'. Sir Walter struggles with much the same dilemma (and for similar reasons too - ego and vanity). He rents out his big property and downsizes to Bath. Perhaps there's an American equivalent where they could try out a different type of life (New York, maybe) and call it an adventure.

I predict that Harry will not be at William's coronation. The latter will be aware that there have been calls (usually from journalists wanting to stir more drama) for him to 'be the bigger man' and forgive his brother but I think if there's no relationship and Harry will play no role in William's reign (which George, Charlotte and Louis will pay the price for as they'll need to start royal work much sooner to compensate), I think William will reject the hypocrisy of inviting Harry just as a PR exercise.

It’s late so forgive me @Not2identifying but I would say right now , that Harry should fuck off , stay in California with his wife and keep quiet, if he can’t keep his trap shut for a month there’s something seriously wrong with him.

1. Buy your own bloody sausages

This made me 😂😂😂

Get a divorce?

I would pass on traditional Mumsnet advice to Harry (yes yabu):
'give your head a wobble!'

He needs to shut up. Stop all media appearances/ any interviews and media appearances.

Apologise to his family in the UK especially his dad

Find a job where he actually does some work, and isn't just supporting charities/ face of a brand/ marketing himself.

He needs to remove himself from the limelight.

Ditch whoever it is that is advising him at the moment

He will need a period of self reflection while he considers all the mistakes he's made. Before he decides how he will make a living.

And most of all keep his mouth shut.

When Harry first told the world he and Meghan wanted to take a step back and make their own way in the world and so no longer be working Royals, it implied to me anyway that he wanted more privacy and control over his life with a better work life balance. So I imagined he likely has a clear idea of his future mapped out and how his life will have more meaning and freedom than what he clearly saw as the more restrictive lifestyle of a working Royal. But now it seems there was no proper plan. Because initially he and Meghan were so loved he thought he could have a lucrative life of luxury and adoration based simply on who they were as a couple. I think they both thought they were more talented than they are and neither of them have gained much credibility in anything they’ve attempted since stepping out and I think this is just all bitterness talking now. It’s like he’s so disliked he just thinks he’s got nothing more to lose and continues complaining. Despite having access to the best therapists, he seems to be making.no progress at all towards anything. He should just turn away from the public view and just be there for his kids and find something that makes him happy.

I agree! I don’t think he’s half as bad as some of these hyperbolic comments are making out.

He must feel terribly isolated and alone but I would advise him to try and put the hurt of the past behind him and that the best revenge would be to go and live his life successfully, happily and well.

Spend a third of his time getting involved in some grass roots US charities, eg setting up Harry’s homeless haven or something and going to work there regularly, a third of his time being a good husband and father, and a third setting up some sort of sponsorship deal with say North Face or a company selling outdoor adventure holidays or equipment. And then once every three years he should undertake an expedition with some Invictus veterans to raise money for them.

Go back to helping others and the charity work he was so naturally good at.

Find a job where he actually does some work, and isn't just supporting charities/ face of a brand/ marketing himself.

@Finteq Perhaps he should take a look at what Princess Margaret's children did -her son is a craftsman and her daughter is an artist. Both creative and fulfilling careers. They presumably pay the bills with income from their inherited wealth but they have something to focus their energies on.

As you say, he needs to do something to give him a sense of achievement. The PR appearances don’t seem to make him particularly happy ( plus they’re drying up).

He's worried about his inheritance but is going about it the wrong way.

I don't understand how H and M go on 'tour' in Africa and S.America with much fanfare and forward notice seemingly relaxed enough to leave their children back in the US.Yet a private visit to the UK with the means to travel by private plane ,discreet onward travel etc seems to be so risky Harry won't ever contemplate bringing his family here again.Utter nonsense.

Shut up and lie low, get on with his own life and stop blaming others for everything he perceives to be wrong in life.

Oh, and yes - get a proper job!

I don’t think he has any choice left but to choose between she who shall be obeyed and his own family.

There can never be a relationship with both. What she wants is the total antithesis of what the RF does, yet includes flogging the connection for clicks and $$ at every opportunity. The constant flogging of titles, the jibes, the interviews, the podcasts, everything.

There’s no middle ground.

Both he and her are consumed by jealousy of the RF for different reasons. Him because I actually think he probably craves the stability and connection the family has, even if it isn’t straightforward. Her because in her delulu mind she was born to be better than them and deserves all of the status for none of effort.

If he stays with her and tries to keep a connection, she will abuse it because she thinks she’s entitled to everything they have at none of the cost. The RF won’t accept that, that’s why they’re backing off, and frankly he’s in the realm of abusing it too.

To be happy it’s one or the other, I can’t see any other way. He seemed happy and carefree before, somehow since meeting her he’s become convinced that he wasn’t. He’s burned his bridges and she gave him the torch, having also torched her own.

He’s also furious that William was right the first time when he said he didn’t know what he was getting into.