I don’t think it was quite that, actually.
Before Meghan, while William and Harry were still quite young and the Queen was on the throne and Charles still had to become a monarch and then reign a while, and before his cancer diagnosis which must have sped things along for William, William and Harry were treated much more as equals. Yes William was the future king and Catherine the future queen and yes they’d already secured the line by having children, but day to day Harry was a free agent who tagged along to engagements and benefitted from their treatment and William and Catherine, although no doubt being prepared for their future roles, still were quite far from the obviously visible ramifications of becoming king and queen one day. When alone, as a working royal, he will have received very similar treatment. All the succession planning and image projection was probably not that different for the brothers at that stage.
When Meghan came along, the Queen was getting older and it was more apparent she wouldn’t go on much longer, Charles was already stepping up and starting to take over, William was being required to step up also. It was all naturally diverging for the brothers already. Harry didn’t expect it to, I think. Not if he was capable of thinking he’d still be an IPP as an an overseas non-working member of the RF. He must have thought that the way things had been his whole life is how they would be going forward. He’s been thrashing about suing people to try to make them be so (but only in the respects he cherry picks, none of the duties and exposing his children to the public, no siree).
Then everything happened quickly. Harry I imagine promised the moon on a stick to get Meghan to actually marry him. She clearly didn’t need much persuading so not difficult to do. He wanted to no longer be a bachelor, and he wanted her to be the next Diana and thought she could be because after all she wanted to hit the ground running and she was heart attack beautiful and so clever and compassionate and had some humanitarian props already etc etc, and the public initially totally took to her. He thought that with her, they’d be as Charles and Diana were, but actually happy. There was a point around their wedding when William and Catherine looked incredibly dull and staid and unglamorous next to William and Catherine, Meghan the American breath of fresh air etc.
I do believe that in the pitiful saga of who made who cry, Catherine probably did make Meghan cry and did send her flowers to apologise. Tense times for a post partum woman and all that nonsense with Thomas Markle. And I believe that the palace probably did use Meghan as a scapegoat and protected Catherine from bad press at that time at Meghan’s expense.
However, I don’t for a second believe that Meghan didn’t know that this was because the palace was protecting the future Queen (a position held by Catherine) rather than the individual formerly known as Kate Middleton. When she complained that the palace fed her to the wolves, and didn’t protect her, what she was saying was they made her look bad in the press for Catherine’s benefit. That they covered up the truth at the expense of her public image. Probably true, but only half the story. She knew why this would have been so, but saw an opening, no doubt encouraged by her agents who were telling her that to protect her stock she should stop all this bad press. She deliberately took it personally, deliberately chose to see the RF member as only family members as not also holders of institutional functions and roles that benefitted from engineered press and influence for the benefit of the monarchy’s role in serving the UK, deliberately consistently and unfailingly chose to refer to them as “his dad”, “his grandma”, “your brother”: it suited her to bring them down to her level in the hierarchy because she didn’t like and couldn’t handle not being at the top of the hierarchy and it was damaging to her $ earning power to not be the most feted and certainly to be a scapegoat. She didn’t want to buy into the institution, a monarchy of which she could never be at the top. That was never her aim. Her aim was herself, betterment of her own value. Harry meanwhile bought the whole Californian “were all equals, what’s all this anachronistic BS?” because it suited him too. He wanted out and she was his tickets out. Victimhood was possible, and the only place money could come from.
And I think their life right now reflects this. The money has been made from her two minutes in the BRF and now she’s moved on. She’s shed the RF entirely except for the titles for her and her D.C. which might still hold residual value. She’s gone back to what she knew best and always wanted and she’s back to hustling for a living. Harry, meanwhile, is adrift. I see no indication that he has a clue how to live his new life. What on earth does the future hold for him me his children?