i’ve decided to write something - neoclassical i think your all awful about M and H , none of us know what the hell went on - watching the crown and the trekking of the colour every year doesn’t make us experts on them or their family- any of them.
But whilst we are making sweeping assumptions about people’s lives, thoughts and behaviours based on books and soundbites and our own *stuff..
I got bored and wrote a little assumption of my own below - interestingly i chose a slightly kinder narrative- surprisingly easy to make a story based on your preferences, i made the choice to consider a different view :
Imagine being pregnant with your first child.
You’ve been welcomed into a family, but they have various customs and traditions. You are well aware that they are all successful, strong people, very well known. You have been managing quite a lot into the run up to the pregnancy, trying to fit into the family and the new job they gave you.
You are more of a yoga , free girl- but you love him so you crack on. You try to get them to think about some of your customs and traditions , but there is not really room for that.
You try to get on with everyone but your american and brown and an actress, a speaker,
your life up until. you have spoken out about issues, you speak for the UN… you are and always have been an advocate for others.
So this traditional family are wary of you, they are pretty dysfunctional( your own family has some dysfunctional stuff which makes you panic about how it all works daily !)
But being so successful, your in laws are not really are not really aware of the dynamics and how it impacts others, they are just the way they are.
Your sister in law, has welcomed you, she seems so powerful and together and she has this way of making you feel lesser, maybe it’s her, maybe it’s you - all you know is that it’s difficult for you. Especially as your husband has always been so relaxed with her, you really feel weird about how difficult it is.That one time you even tried to go for laid back, bare foot approach - this made her really weirded out..and it made you wonder if you could ever be yourself, so you started to shut down a bit..
many women end up with weird in law dynamics and you thought most would understand…mumsnet is full of women trying to figure out family dynamics so you felt like you'll be supported…
You have always known being mixed race leaves you in a bit of a no man’s land, that strange need to fit in, but not sure how sometimes.
People comment on you being light skinned, but they don’t comment on the slight differences you’ve noticed about your treatment,ever since you can remember, you never confront this with others or in yourself because , well, you want to be successful and known in your own right.But all those little comments burn a bit. make you question yourself.Its upsetting and demoralising but your mum raised you to be strong and proud.
During the pregnancy the baby’s future is discussed a lot, you are aware that your unborn child will have traditions and customs to follow from birth You know this and remain hopeful that your customs too will get a look in, but with hormones raging and that tiredness only pregnancy can bring, well, your resilience is low.
Then the discussion starts, about your first child, unborn child, at first you are polite , everyone talks about all things baby in the family and you accept this , even when you grow tired of it, but you are an American girl on your own with this pretty amazing family so you manage.
Then one day someone asks you outright how dark your child will be, and because of who they are - because of who you are, quite naturally your mind jumps to défense. You feel your skin crawl and that feeling of never fitting in rears up, but this time for your unborn child. Your mind wanders to the day the baby is born and the expectation that you will wheel him out to the world for all to see ( and judge ) it’s such a weird tradition - no one argues against it .. your mind goes back to how dark your baby will be chat
You do not feel like it’s the standard what will baby look like chat , this feels like something else, its that something else only people who are black/brown know how to describe, its a strange feeling. Ironic that admitting you feel it is often a betrayal to your own defences, your own determination that you can make it in the world, that the way your perceived through the difference of your skin won’t be a barrier.
That of course until it is.
You decide to tell the world, you learn a lot about yourself through the opening in your soul that those demanding accountability for racism are causing, for the first time in your lifetime, there is this movement again, it feels safer to speak m, it feels right even you feel its noisy enough for once to speak up
You speak to the world, but the media is filtered through a lense of whiteness , which is powerful and sweeping in its judgement. you think that perhaps the people will see, but they don’t and every time the world breathes your name, they don’t see you.. they see your family dynamics, they see your skin, they see your life choices and they twist it all up.
you have no power, only that which you create.