"Heart of Invictus" documentary series, streaming 30 August 2023

[MrsMaxDeWinter]

The trailer for 'Heart of Invictus" has been released by Netflix, and it looks incredible, and so moving.

For those interested, please find it here.

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In fairness to what happened, you would send the child back to school. The school would in fact be quite pushy about it. That being normality and routine and familiarity. And Harry went to boarding school. To send him to a day school would be a horrific further trauma to him away from the staff and friends he knew.

I have mixed feelings about boarding schools but they were different by the time William and Harry were there and are now massively different again.

What would happen now however would be that the surviving parent would be entitled to a years leave, in a way like maternity leave to try and adjust to this huge lose. And in that situation, and with Harry at a day school he would have had routine and stability and a parent at home when he got home everyday thst was totally dedicated to family life. He missed that part but I’m sure he had the routine and stability and hopefully some nurturing.

I’m pretty sure that In Harry’s book he talks about being farmed out for holiday periods. ‘Farmed out’ are my words, but meaning is the same. He just sounded like he was really lost and emotionally neglected.

Other people who read the book talked to me about the entire thing being about his father and him wanting him all the time. Depends what ‘farmed’ means. He certainly had full time nanny care and by the time they were both in their teens William and Harry were at Highgrove often without Charles during holidays. He presumably working. In a way though they are farmed in the royal family. Sandringham, Windsor, Balmoral. That Harry was emotionally bereft and lonely following the death of his mother was evident but whether or not the people around him met his emotional needs is not for us to know. Some people cannot have this met as the trauma has created a crater too large to fill. In turn many or most relationships are dysfunctional.

Thank you @ALittleTeawithmilk

I do think KC was doing what he genuinely thought was for the best. In an alternate version of history, Harry could have been traumatised by being kept isolated and away from his friends.

I’ve never been convinced by criticism of Eton in general. I went to a school on the opposite end of the spectrum as Eton, it was one of the worst in the country at the time. That was pretty traumatic too. I would’ve bitten someone’s arm off to go to a better school! Complaining about boarding at Eton vs being a day pupil just comes across as “it’s hard work being rich” to me!

Yes thats what I got from it too. It's sad because Charles said the same thing about his childhood but clearly wasn't capable of changing it for his own children.

I went to a school on the opposite end of the spectrum as Eton, it was one of the worst in the country at the time. That was pretty traumatic too. I would’ve bitten someone’s arm off to go to a better school!

I so identify with this. Me also. My school experience was really traumatic.
However, I don't feel boarding school is the answer for anything. I don't have experience of it personally but I know very well someone who has.

Complaining about boarding at Eton vs being a day pupil just comes across as “it’s hard work being rich” to me!

Well you haven't experienced it so its not something you can really make comment on.
It's very easy to dismiss any possible suggestion that someone born into a wealthy family might have some real struggle in their life, but it's a very narrow minded view that assumes wealth buys happiness. It doesn't. there are plenty of miserable stories about children and boarding school. Its very hard when you have problems at school and also live there. You can't escape it. I was very lonely at boarding school- and no my parents were not rich, it was due to location and he borrowed to send me there. I felt horribly homesick, abandoned and like I could never really relax because you're essentially always at school. One girl tried to end her life, in my first year, and the matron made us watch the ambulance while she lectured us about what a horrible thing that girl did to her parents and how we should all stop crying and appreciate our parents sacrifice. It was hell.

I suppose though if both your parents are working or travelling all the time then surrogate parents like nannies and matrons might be the better option?

Edited for typo

In recent years ST Pauls Boys, St Pauls Girls and Eton have all had sexual abuse cases to deal with. I don't really get why someone thinks because a school is independent it can;t be horrible or a bad experience for some of the kids. All thats different is the surroundings and the position on the league table. Schools can be a bad experience no matter which end you're at. Those schools have more to protect than others.

Schools can be a bad experience no matter which end you're at

^^ This

Other people who read the book talked to me about the entire thing being about his father and him wanting him all the time. Depends what ‘farmed’ means. He certainly had full time nanny care and by the time they were both in their teens William and Harry were at Highgrove often without Charles during holidays. He presumably working. In a way though they are farmed in the royal family. Sandringham, Windsor, Balmoral. That Harry was emotionally bereft and lonely following the death of his mother was evident but whether or not the people around him met his emotional needs is not for us to know. Some people cannot have this met as the trauma has created a crater too large to fill. In turn many or most relationships are dysfunctional.

Except he told us about it, in his book. His emotional needs were not met. A paid care giver is not the same as a parent. In fact, his "family" in Botswana were who he relied on more than his paid caregivers, but he only began to spend more time there as an older teen.

He ended up creating a fantasy world in which his mother had simply disappeared, and not died. He and William also had to console weeping mourners on a walkabout while holding back their own grief. He writes that his memories of the funeral walk are of the clop clopping of horses, and shaking and shaking hands that were wet with tears while smiling and consoling mourners. You said you have not read the book, and you don't have to, but at least allow him to talk about how he felt, and what that grief did to him. He writes very beautifully about the distancing he did. It's a shame you haven't read it and relied on reports from others, because you might have understood his perspective better.

@PrincessTigger A teacher at Eton was recently jailed for sexual offences he committed against boys at Eton over 27 years. I don't think you can say the boys he abused, or those who testified from Fettes, Stonyhurst, etc who have given similar testimony to historical sex abuse inquiries are simply complaining that “it’s hard work being rich”. There are of course degrees of abuse, but you can't just make blanket statements like this and dismiss the real trauma that some of these men went through as children. As I say, rich children are not immune from trauma.

Nannies and matrons raising you just reinforces the fact you are not at home, or with your parents. They don't love you like parents and they're not invested in the outcome as much as parents usually are. Its not a normal way to grow up.

There is also SA at poor schools on council estates… I’m one of the victims. H has never claimed to be a victim of SA though. If posh schools are that bad why doesn’t everyone give up their place to a council estate kid instead?

I am so sorry for your experiences, they indeed sound horrendous.

However, apart from actually being their Harry himself was well treated at school.

What an incredibly dismissive way to address what's just been shared.

What that I was SA at school?

how would you know? Even without a 'bad experience' they can be lonely and hostile places to a lot of kids. I don't get this defensiveness about boarding schools. People are allowed to not like it and talk about what they didn't like. Imagine going from your mothers warm cuddles to a boarding school. Some kids do well, but many don't. Because its not a home. Its school, 24/7

No. Your last sentence.

Well why don’t they? If posh schools are so horrible and cold and traumatic, why isn’t anyone giving up their place? Almost as if parents pay the average wage and upwards per year to send their kid there because it’s… better.

That’s what he said but what were this needs. Everyone is different. Also it’s his perspective and their are multiple sides to every story. If this is true of Harry, it is also true of William.

Small note though Harry wasn’t at Eton, he was at his prep…Wheterby or whatever. He went to Eton the next year. Itself an error and not the school he should have gone to.

One of the first things children are taught now is that everyone loves different,y. You may not be loved in the way you want but it doesn’t mean you aren’t loved and you need to gain acceptance of that. We can’t after all change people.

And we need to look at ourselves for that funeral. Utterly ridiculous.

You understand that the children aren't making the decision right? Theres a lot of parents with the same attitude as you, that actually think that paying more means their kids will have zero to complain about and no right to say they're not happy.

He never said it was. His issue was with an absentee parent. Not the school.

I agree @AuroraCake that the funeral was a show of mass hysteria of which all who took part in should be ashamed.

Harry was in boarding school at the time, at Ludgrove. He went back to school two weeks after the funeral. He went to Eton a year later.

I am not sure though what you mean when you say Also it’s his perspective and their are multiple sides to every story.

There can surely be only one perspective to a person's feelings, those of that person. No one can say, no Harry didn't experience grief in that way, because the whole point of feelings is their subjective interiority, in that we each have our own. There are no multiple sides to how a person feels about something as personal as the grief over a loved one.

William experienced his own grief, in his way. Harry experienced it in his. Charles Spencer in his own way, Diana's sisters in their own way. Charles S unleashed his anger at the press in his speech, for example. Grief is subjective to the person feeling it.

Harry has said initially his feelings were completely numb. I think that’s part of it - sometimes someone appears to be functioning when they need intervention & help.