Harry and Gabor

[laurwalsh]

My friend just sent me this. I adore Gabor mate and the work he does. His book 'in the realms of hungry ghosts' was life changing for me who had suffered serious addiction issues. But am I being too harsh to feel disappointed he's jumping on this band wagon of garbage. I'm sorry but Harry we're sick of listening to your trauma and no offence you've sung it to death, (and I don't even think it's that bad relative to how much he has gone on and on about it) and trauma aside you're a complete hypocrite with how you've treated you're family and the trauma you've put them through!!

I’ve just read this quote from the interview. I can’t believe he actually said that about the military. My son has just joined the army and it was a carefully considered decision which he took after he had been working as a civilian for a few years. I’m quite sure that most of his peers are not from “broken homes” as Harry put it. What a fucking insult to say that our military is only composed of people from dysfunctional backgrounds 🤬

In a fully private situation, that doctor would refuse to work with this patient. There is no adhesion, no mutual appreciation. Unfortunately, it boils down to merching again. Meghan is probably the fan (like so many others) using Harry's profile to get him seen by a high profile doctor in an invasive televised setting. There was probably a lot of thigh rubbing and eyelid batting "H, you can let the world know how much they have made you suffer. This is your moment" 💉

He is being exploited by her money machine again and he is oblivious to it all as he clearly idolizes somebody who actually traded up massively to marry a Prince.

She never really opens up about her mental health issues and drug use (despite having stories to tell). If they split up, he has put all that ammo out there against himself and he will be penalized by the system. On the other hand, she has played her cards close to her chest and will be in a much stronger position.

Having read the times piece on the interview, I think Gabor Maté should never have agreed to speak to Harry at all let alone on camera. It sounds as though Harry was hanging off his every word, allowing himself to be defined and that is not healthy. If anything, it would appear he has added to Harry’s confusion and possibly his trauma.

I’ve had a lot of therapy and know the difference between one, who listens and one’s, who defined me. A good therapist should not be suggesting or leading. The ones, who told me who I was or how I should be were infuriating and damaging to my self esteem. I know Maté is a physician rather than a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist. However, he has chosen to branch out without the relevant training.

As someone said upthread said (can’t find the post), he’s working a gruelling schedule in what looks like partly to help, partly to process his own trauma. If this is the case, the work Maté is doing will not be without bias.

Good point, @smilesy , plus his service was that of an officer in a more privileged position than most recruits.

twitter.com/ADHDFoundation/status/1632150468976623618

Pleased to see the problematic ADHD diagnosis being called out.

Again:
This was not an appropriate way to diagnose ADHD
ADHD is not trauma
ADHD can't be "cured"

@FloorWipes thank you for this and your other comments re ADHD.

Trauma doesn’t cause ADHD and you can’t be magically cured. Our brains are quite literally wired differently - hence why stimulants relax us and calm us down, the opposite effect to usual.

Some of the other traits being ascribed to ADHD are more akin to autism. ADHD and autism are close bedfellows and it’s common for both to be present, even though only one may be officially diagnosed.

Autism and ADHD share some similarities, but individuals I know with ADHD alone absolutely aren’t “me, me,me”. They might struggle to stay on track with conversations at times but they’re effusive, warm and caring. I have never met any ADHD person who is do utterly determined to centre themselves in everything and to act as a professional victim.

There are so many misconceptions about ADHD - people still don’t really believe it. Throwaway comments and armchair diagnoses really do damage. To get an ADHD diagnosis you need hours of complex tests/interviews/assessments- you can’t tell from “reading a book” about someone FFS.

And yes, I am autistic and have ADHD. This stuff really matters to me on a personal level.

I've not seen / read about his latest interview. It really is boring now. Move on man ffs, enjoy the life that you keep telling us is so much better than you had before and shut up!

,and if Charles had done it, you can bet Harry wouldn’t view it a Charles ‘positively finding himself’, but yet another example of a distant father...
this,
this will probably affect his family later on,
I think he is at a stage where he can say and do anything and use his mother’s passing as an excuse,
But normal people don’t have this luxury , they can’t just go on this long journey of self finding ,
this is neither healthy or normal . People learn how to deal with trauma and find a way that it doesn’t affect your daily life , not to Constantly bring it up and relive it .

So true 🤣🤣🤣

But he's signed up for the #WorldTherapyTour.

It sounds as though Harry was hanging off his every word, allowing himself to be defined and that is not healthy. If anything, it would appear he has added to Harry’s confusion and possibly his trauma.

I wonder if Harry has ever interacted with anyone else like this …… ?

Whatever therapy he’s had - it hasn’t worked

Re the trauma and ADHD discussion. There is some thought that in the US where a lot of children are diagnosed with (and quickly medicated for) ADHD there may be undiagnosed trauma. That's not to say that ADHD doesn't exist, it's more that in primary aged children there can be a similarity between how children with ADHD and developmental/complex trauma present. Given that ADHD (IN THE US) can be easily "diagnosed" and then medicated for, the discussion in that context is worth having.

The problem is that the detail gets generalised, then comnes "across the pond" where we have the same diagnostic manual but an entirely different health and school system. Then we have people from the US (I know GM is Canadian but he is connected professionally to a lot of Americans) talking like the US experience is universal. And it becomes nothing short of nonsense.

That question was whirring in my mind as I was writing the post. Harry has very much morphed to be a great deal more like Meghan. He also looked to her for almost maternal support in the Netflix series. If he’s doing this with her, he could also be doing this with his therapists as well. This all would suggest he’s not terribly of who he is and looks externally to be defined. Understandable considering his background and current life.

I do not mean this as a criticism of him or anyone else. I totally understand what it is like to be confused and unsure of who you are even when an adult. I was someone, who didn’t know who I was nor what I was permitted to do… even though I was an adult in my 40s. At that time, I hadn’t acquired the necessary learning and grounding as a child. I have since had cracking therapy from a therapist, who told me she would teach me the gaps in my knowledge, which she did.

Sadly I don’t think he’s really even at the start of this journey. At least he is aware of his tendency to overcompensate for his pain by being too loving with his children.

my children have adhd, I didn’t choose to medicate lightly but the difference in their writing eg was remarkable and my daughter’s anxiety disappeared.

As a result of family chats and discussions (educating my family) my brother got an adhd diagnosis and started medication in his forties. He was so happy with the result

He’s very smart, very successful, great career, amazing generous guy, but found some parts of his life really hard

I could write essays on the whole thing, but I don’t accept it’s trauma

I think this kind of view is quite common but compounds mental health problems. It’s also the reason people commit suicide despite having apparently blessed lives - because they think their feelings don’t matter.

There’s no point in comparing each other’s situations. We all have an inbuilt barometer that tells us what feels good and what feels bad - our feelings. Just because Harry had a lot of good things doesn’t negate the bad things, and the way we deny each other our truths like that only represses feelings and trauma and leads to shit getting passed down the generations.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with people saying they feel unhappy or angry and we really need to look at ourselves if we feel in any way uncomfortable with that. Other people’s feelings are not about us. It’s not like there’s only so many feelings that are allowed to be shared out amongst everyone - everyone is allowed as many feelings as they like!

@Starseeed

my brother had cancer, and is going through the 6 month check up process for the next 5 years (2 down 8 more to go) His good friend’s wife went to hospital to have a baby and left with a baby and an unexpected cancer diagnosis.
He said by helping and talking with her her he looked beyond himself and it helped him enormously and he’s made peace with his own diagnosis and prognosis

Whatever Harry's issues are I really don't think that playing them out over the world's media for profit is going to help him. Surely it is only going to do more damage. He obviously has major issues with his family and his mental health but the way he is apparently dealing with this looks as if any reconciliation with them is becoming increasingly more unlikely.

Surely the best thing for him would be to deal with things by keeping his head down for a while and having private therapy. Then if he feels he can benefit others by sharing his experiences and showing how therapy has helped him by all means do so. He obviously still has a long way to go before he is in that position and all that he is doing now is exposing himself and his unresolved issues to the media and enabling many nasty articles to appear in the tabloid media for their own clickbait ends.

Sadly I feel he is being used or manipulated by many around him who see money making and publicity opportunities (and I include his latest interview in this). I really don't know if he has anyone around him who can advise him what is best for him. I'm not sure he would even listen. I also very much doubt that his self-medication with various drugs is helping.

Sadly, @feellikeanalien , I think you're right.
Some people are making a lot of money out of this and it does smack of exploitation.

@Starseeed Of course Harry is entitled to have the feelings he has and to seek therapy, but to merchandise that therapy? To lash out and try to destroy his family through awful accusations also to make money?

You cannot use your mental health issues to fund an extravagant lifestyle and be viewed with anything other than contempt.

None of this shit and self justification from either of them was necessary. They should have settled into a secure and modest life and been happy. Neither of them seem happy, and the affect on the children could end in a cycle of abuse. Smoking dope around kids is unacceptable. They don't see it now, but they will in future.

I agree it has become hideously exploitative.

And in that I would include the 'supporters' who throw juvenile expressions around like 'hating on', 'haters' and the rest. Harry really doesn't need to be encouraged to believe that those expressing concern for or surprise about his situation 'hate' him. Like most observers, I would like him (and everyone in a similar position) to understand their paths away from one place and forward to another place, and to be able to live well in the here and now.

He still hasn't even begun to deal with his primary childhood loneliness.

Thank you so much, @StalkedByASpider (and also @FloorWipes !) for this post. I'm another one with ADHD. Diagnosed as an adult by a psychiatrist who actually specialises in adult ADHD rather than some fame-hungry quack on TV. This whole thing and @purpledalmation 's posts on this thread have really annoyed me.

It's ridiculous how all sorts of problematic behaviours and character flaws are now being blamed on ADHD. These days I'm actually hesitant to mention my diagnosis to anyone because so many dim celebs and attention seeking twats on social media are suddenly claiming to have ADHD, giving actual sufferers a bad name.

Sadly I feel he is being used or manipulated by many around him who see money making and publicity opportunities (and I include his latest interview in this). I really don't know if he has anyone around him who can advise him what is best for him. I'm not sure he would even listen. I also very much doubt that his self-medication with various drugs is helping.

Yes I agree.

Follow the money - OW, Netflix, PenguinRandomHouse - all making $$$$ out of his misery and drama.

As is he.

Is he positioning himself as ‘cured’ from trauma as an example for others to aspire to? That his MH is restored and intact?

His poor poor kids. Your parents are your strong stable idols. Not drug taking idiots who have sex in fields. Does he have no idea how this will make them look at him. I just don’t get it. I mean do it by all means but don’t shout it out everywhere. His kids will read everything. Well done Harry.

Fortunately, LA is full of kooks like Harry (homegrown ones mainly) so his kids will be fine.